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Please help me with my poetry project!

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Please help me with my poetry project!

Post by PugsRock on 6/15/2010, 4:55 pm

Hey, guys. We're writing poetry and using sections of books, so tell me which one you like better.

1)

Near me lay a Jew
Struck down with dysentery
Skin and bone
Dead eyes
I could only hear his voice
The sole indication of his life
Where did he get the strength to talk?
"Germany doesn't need me."
These words came from under the ground
A faceless shape
Filled me with terror
"Don't be fooled with illusions."

2)

We were no longer marching
We were running
Pitch darkness
An explosion in the night
Firing whoever couldn't keep up
One foot in front of the other
Dragging my skeletal body
If only I could get rid of it!
I could feel myself as two entities
My body and me
I hated it
Don't think
Don't stop
Run.
Men we collasping in the snow
Shots.
Death wrapped around me until I stifled
It stuck to me
I could touch it\I was walking in my sleep
All I had to do was close my eyes\for a second
And see a hole world passing by
A whole lifetime

I only need one response. xD

_________________



And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Fix You - Coldplay
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Re: Please help me with my poetry project!

Post by Komoda on 6/15/2010, 6:55 pm

Wow, they're both absolute terrific! It's hard to choose... I'm going to go with 2 though, because I really love these lines here:
"I could feel myself as two entities
My body and me"
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Re: Please help me with my poetry project!

Post by amrgirl on 6/15/2010, 7:02 pm

Personally, I like the second one best.
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Re: Please help me with my poetry project!

Post by Avé on 6/16/2010, 12:40 am

I love both of these so much! It's hard to choose, but I'd have to say the second one.
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