The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!

by **shadowsowner888** 10/9/2009, 6:30 pm

Stinking flash drive. xP It corrupted my blog file, and of course I didn't have it saved on Jake. *sigh* So I'm gonna have to redo this all by hand.

I'd been dawdling on and on . . . about being empty, how there was a void, how I'd filled the void, but bewildered at whether it was the right choice, but resigned that there has to be a void at all. I just don't feel like taking the time to recreate it.

So, long story short, remember that plan I had for telling Jamie? I'm not gonna have a chance to carry it out, cus there's no point anymore. xP See, thank God for Danielle; even if she doesn't like me much she still tells me what I need to know. Last night she came to me and told me to not even think about telling Jamie, cus he'll freak and tell his parents, and they'd freak and tell my parents . . . and then she told me he already knows I like him.

I knew it.

See, last teen club, she says he asked her if I did. And she's like, "Wellll . . ." and he's like, "Yeah, I thought so." So at least he wasn't totally weirded out by it, but that's obviously not a he-likes-me-back reaction.

So, he apparently doesn't really want me to have a crush on him . . . you guys know what that means. I'm sticking to my word and giving up my crush on him - or rather, I have stuck to my word and given up my crush on him.

I've realized I only like Joe as a friend after all, so I'm not turning to him. Instead, I'm liking Jacob. xD Cus even though he and I don't have as much history as Jamie and I did, since I've known Jamie way longer, Jacob and I are perfect for each other. We're super close for a guy and a girl - he's my best guy-friend - and we get each other thanks to our very similar personalities. cheesy

And plus, he's a computer addict like me.

My BFF is delighted. She's wanted me to like him instead of Jamie all along. And my mom's satisfied, since as far as she knows I don't have a crush anymore, so yah. And she's given me some advice that I'll gladly take - rather than avoiding Jamie until we all forget about it, I'm going to go and talk to him. I'll say I know he knows, and that I've stopped crushing on him, but I wanted to make sure we were at least still friends. nod

It's gonna work out.

I've spent the last twenty-four hours being all empty, though. Not from losing Jamie, but from losing that whole year of liking him. I memorized everything about him, and got all those pictures . . . for nothing. I'm starting completely over on Jacob, and I'm not even sure he's the right choice, hence the bewilderment. But I know this all has to happen - the resignation.

I'm not starting entirely over when I think about it, though. Cus I have this pencil with Jacob's full real name inscribed on it . . . rolleyes

He's forgotten about it, and I know I should give it back. And I might next time I see him. But for now, it's staying in my box, in an envelope made from the piece of paper I used the copier to put a picture of his pencil on. It's staying in there along with all the Jamie- and Joe-related stuff. I can't get rid of it; it's history. Just like the glowstick from that dude years ago. xD

But yup. My crush on Jamie is officially over now. I assume you've noticed my avvie change? Well, yup, that's the reason.

Theme songs I'm too lazy to put in a playlist:
1. What It's Like to Be Alone
2. White Horse
3. Breathe

(And did I mention that I'm deleting my Jamie playlists? xP)

by **rattyjol** 10/9/2009, 8:36 pm

Good luck with Jacob! Smile

by **shadowsowner888** 10/9/2009, 8:59 pm

Thanks Ratty. Smile

by **Jade** 10/9/2009, 11:48 pm

Wow, that's a change. It's probably for the best though, maybe Jacob will really like you back Very Happy

But, if things don't work out, remember, you don't have to have a crush. *nods* Smile

by **Arianna** 10/10/2009, 2:20 am

Good luck

You know I was on Team Jamie, but if you like him, then, cool.
I love your new avvie Smile

by **shadowsowner888** 10/10/2009, 10:41 am

Yeah, I know. xD But I need something to hope for so badly, and the simple vague hope of a boyfriend just isn't enough for me. So I prefer having a crush. And I hope he'll like me back, too. cheesy

Thanks Ari. x3 For the luck and the acceptance of Jacob and the liking of my avvie.

by **Jinx** 10/10/2009, 10:43 am

Hum.I'm not quite sure to feel happy for you,or sad,but I think I'll go with happy.

by **shadowsowner888** 10/10/2009, 11:02 am

Mkay. xD Either way works, but happy is probably better for me, lawlz.

by **Jinx** 10/10/2009, 11:03 am

Prob'ly

by **Jade** 10/10/2009, 12:44 pm

Yeah, I understand Shadow Very Happy

I feel the same way sometimes. BTW forgot to say I love the new avvie, pink is a nice change!! Smile

by **shadowsowner888** 10/10/2009, 12:50 pm

Thanks Jade! Smile

Lol, I really don't like pink at all; it just matches my situation, so yah. xD

by **Arianna** 10/10/2009, 12:54 pm

I love the avvie, too! Like Keri (I think) said, it goes well with your username color Smile

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