The Query Thread

[Arianna]

Plot bunnies will always manage to make their ways into Nanowrimo, or any story-writing process.
And we're going to defeat them.

Here's the deal. If you have a plot bunny which won't shut up (some telltale signs are characters being developed, your original novel being ignored, and plots becoming more complicated than a few paragraphs), you come here. And then you write a query letter.

Don't over-abuse this feature, because they are both time-consuming and hard to write. And they take up Nano time.

To start us off, here's something I wrote. I was reading query letters on Query Shark and I wanted to try myself.

So here we go, complete with a fake word-count and a cheesy plot. Woot!

Dear Editor,

Because I said so.

That's what Taylor's mom says to reject Taylor when she asks if she can go to the competition. She's usually strict, but this crosses the line.

Being forbidden to go to the elusive horse-riding competition, where only the best get in, is the worst thing ever that can happen to Taylor. She sets fire to the house. Even she doesn't know exactly why. All she knows is that her mother will regret it.

Before she knows it, she's on the run. She's lost her friends, her family, and most importantly Luce, her horse. One anonymous person, identified as 'Devil', gives Taylor the news she needs as she tries to escape from the cruel word of law-enforcement.

They are narrowing in on her, and it's impossible that she has more than three days to get away or get captured. Then she gets a message from Devil, with startling news. Luce is fatally sick.

Taylor knows that it's either see Luce and get captured, or escape and never see her beloved horse again. To make matters worse, Christian, a guy she's met on the streets, is both a top-notch criminal and in love with her.

Taylor is torn in three directions as one clue points straight to her, giving her only seconds to make her decision once and for all. Christian, Luce, or herself?

BECAUSE I SAID SO is a 65,000 word Young-Adult novel.

Thank you very much for your consideration,

Author details go here.

So, are you going to write a fake query letter? Pretty please?
~Arianna

P.S. Please critique mine. I want to get better at writing query letters so when I do have to write them for real, I can succeed.

[shadowsowner888]

That's an amazing query. I so wanna read that book, whether it exists or not, lol! I think you forgot to put "word" after 65,000 in the end, though.

I'll have to try writing one of my own some time. x3

[Arianna]

Haha, so much for a good query. xD I'll go edit that.
I just thought that if I'm ever going to try and get a book published, it'll be good that I know how to write a query letter.

[shadowsowner888]

Lol, ya. I don't really have any experience in that myself, though, so you're probably gonna wanna get advice from someone who has a clue what they're talking about. xD I can only give opinions of an outsider.

[DreamCatcher81]

Haha thats actually interesting! I would read that book if it was real! Hahahahaha.

[Arianna]

So... I was doing some reading on query letters and I wrote this for Healers. Critique, please? And please tell me it's horrible and stuff. xD

Dear [Agent name],

Gina is a somewhat naïve, homeschooled teen living in Lyons, Colorado. But when she discovers she's a “Healer” due to the result of a death in her biological family, Gina must try to both keep the secret and embark on a quest which will take her far away from home, while at the same time keeping Miranda, a vicious "Shine" - in other words a deathly enemy of all Healers - out of Lyons in order to protect her friends and family.

HEALERS is a 101,000 word work of Young Adult Fiction. This is my second novel. [Ya know, I've written four but it was the second that I wrote. xD]

Thank you for your time.

Arianna

[shadowsowner888]

And please tell me it's horrible and stuff.

Did I read that right? xD

Umm . . . ^^ Well, I think "I chose to send you a query letter because" is definitely the wrong way to start it off. xD And . . . well, who's Miranda?!

[Arianna]

Yes, you did.

Hmm, I was working off a template which said that, but I didn't like it anyway, so I'll remove that. xD
I've edited it now, anyone wanna critique it again? xD

[shadowsowner888]

Okay. xD Just checking.

Well, the rest seems good to me! But then again, I probably fail at queries myself, having never written one . . . xD So I wouldn't count on me.

[Arianna]

Lawl, it's fine. I'll probably be doing a major edit during Nanoedmo (hey, that reminds me, I was gonna put up a thread about it) so I won't be sending out letters like this any time soon. xD

[DreamCatcher81]

It's not horrible or anything! This is my failed attempt for Conspiracy:

Dear . . . .,

When the President tells America that he has an announcement that will shake it to its core and forever change the fate of the world, fourteen year old Billie Carmichael writes it off as something unimportant like a new healthcare plan. Little does she know that the announcement will forever change her life. She watches in horror as most of the country becomes the government’s unwilling slaves, and all because of a chip inserted into the back of their necks disguised as the cure for cancer, that controls their moods, goals, and emotions.

She forms an unlikely alliance with three teenagers determined to overthrow the government, and she is in for the ride of her life as they rush to formulate a brilliant conspiracy before time runs out and they are caught.

When the government is already out to get anyone and everyone who defies them, and the teenagers have quickly earned themselves a spot high up on the threat list, things are starting to look bleak. But Billie is determined to press forward and overthrow the government as to guarantee her younger brother’s safety.

Along the way, she learns many interesting things about her companions such as information about their history and family. And she also learns interesting things about herself that she never knew before: that during a national crisis when their lives could end at any given moment, she could fall in love with an almost complete stranger.

Conspiracy is a 70,000 word [it's only 37 now, but I'm only like half way through and I'm aiming for 70] Young Adult Science-Fiction novel.

[shadowsowner888]

Psh, it's not bad, Dream! xD Some of the sentences seem like run-ons (seem because I never really figured out if my definition of a run-on is the normal one), but overall it's good.

[DreamCatcher81]

Yeah, I need to work on that. Actually the whole letter in general needs work!

[AidanWM]

I was asked for crit, but let me warn you...I do NOT claim to be an expert at querying. I might claim to be slightly sadistic. My thoughts in bold.

Dear [Agent name],

Gina is a somewhat naïve, homeschooled teen living in Lyons, Colorado. But when she discovers she's a “Healer” due to the result of a death in her biological family, At this point, the agent has no idea what a Healer is, has no idea what the difference between Gina's family and biological family is, or how the death even happened. This might be okay if it elaborated later on, but you don't. Gina must try to both keep the secret Why keep it secret? How is a Healer different? The agent will probably have already dismissed it as '"trying to be YA", even if it's not and embark on a quest which will take her far away from home, while at the same time keeping Miranda, a vicious "Shine" - in other words a deathly enemyies of all Healers - out of Lyons in order to protect her friends and family.

HEALERS is a 101,000 word work of Young Adult Fiction. This is my second novel. [Ya know, I've written four but it was the second that I wrote. xD] I'd put your publishing credits here (where you were published, title, etc.), or, if you don't have any, then maybe any degrees/education/awards.

Thank you for your time.

Arianna

It could be a really awesome plot...but the agent will never know it, because it's too obscure.

[Arianna]

Thank you very much, AidanWM. I'll rewrite it. xD
I don't exactly have publishing credits/degrees/education/awards. I'm 13, so yeah. xD I have education, but being in 8th grade doesn't give you many options for that. xD

[AidanWM]

Hm...it is tough. I'd just say "your seeking representation" and put somewhere that "this is your first novel". Even if its not the first novel you've written, or you've self published another one, it will be easier that way. (self pubbing isn't a credit unless you've sold over 50,000 copies) Also, I forgot, put a hyphen between word count and "words". As in

I am seeking representation for my 101,000-word young adult fiction novel, HEALERS. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your consideration, etc.

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