The Book Club (in writing)

Maturity: Serious kissing, and comic violence.
Fantasy: Nothing much.

The Book Club

Edward sat in the middle of a ring of chairs. He finished reading Anne of Green Gables, and then returned to his seat between Bella and Plo Koon. The book club applauded.

“I will read next,” said Bluestar, walking into the middle. She began reading a textbook on dogs.

This bored the audience so much. Some were twiddling their thumbs, some stared at their watches, and some were snoozing - Bella and Edward, in particular, were making out.

Eventually, Jacob became so disgusted with Bluestar that he tossed her out the window. She lay there as a little heart icon floated up in the air and popped.

Eragon stepped up now, and read an excerpt from his poem. “Arya, I love you. Will you kiss me?” He made a smooching noise. Arya promptly barfed out the window - poor Bluestar.

Joe was next. He read Prince Caspian, except, he made a few small changes. Prince Caspian was referred to as “Jonas,” and he finished his reading with, “And all the girls asked for his hand in marriage.” Miley swooned. Taylor snarled, and Demi tackled Miley in jealously.

Prince Caspian rather enjoyed the story, and was inspired to go next. “My story is called Joe Caspian,” he said. The tale was about an Edwardian prince who wished to become a “punk.”

“Blasphemy!” Joe roared.

At this point, it was Bella’s turn. However, she and Edward were still kissing - rather seriously - and Mace Windu had to throw a donut at her with the force before she stumbled into the middle.

“Once upon a time,” she began, “the end.” As she went back to her seat, she nearly attacked Edward as she tackled him, and Jake started applauding.

“Woot! Woot!” he howled.

Merry and Pippin read next. Pippin blew a kiss at Arya, who rolled her eyes.

“The Day Eragon Died” was the title. Pippin was reading. “Once upon a time, Eragon died. Arya fell in love with me-”

“Wooooooooo!” chorused Merry, Quil, Embry, and Jacob.

“And we committed smooching-” Merry pretended to hug someone as he made kissy sounds into the air.

“But then, Arya betrayed me to Joe.” Pippin cast a venomous glance at Joe. “And I KILLED him - and Merry.”

Merry let out a cheer - and then, as he realized what had been said, his jaw dropped. “WHAT?!”

After breaking up the fight that ensued, Batman began to read. “This is a poem,” he said. “Can’t Have You: The Tale of the Komodo Dragon.” He proceeded to read the Jonas Brothers’ song, “Can’t Have You.”

“Hey!” shouted Kevin, leaping to his feet. “Don’t you bring her into that!”

Batman tried to throw a Batarang at Kevin, but it missed and flew out the window - poor Bluestar.

“All right, sit down,” ordered Jacob, pushing Batman into his seat as he stood. “Now it’s my turn to read.” He began to read Don’t Die, My Love - he was sobbing hysterically by the time he finished. Quil and Embry pointed and laughed.

“I’m going next,” said Commander Cody. He read a book of Star Wars Battlefront II cheats. He finished by warning, “Use them wisely! This information is not for the Dark Side.”

Nick Jonas shyly walked into the center. “Well, I’m gonna read now,” he said. A chorus of screaming suddenly erupted from the window in response, and everyone raced over to look out. their eyes were greeted by a hoard of fangirls screaming “I LOVE YOU NICK!” and such, completely shrouding the ground from view as far as they could see - poor Bluestar.

Joe shoved his way to the front to try and close the window. “We got your back, lil bro.”

“No, wait,” Nick said, holding his hand up. “Leave it open.” As everybody stared at him with shock, he lifted his eyebrows twice, and flung himself out the window. He was temporarily submerged in the crowd for a moment before reappearing a few feet away, crowd surfing. Joe finally closed the window upon noticing this, his expression as if he were holding back hysterical laughter. Kevin just sighed sadly, shaking his head.

“Who’s going to read next?” Edward asked - he and Bella were obviously finished now. Everyone looked around at each other, wondering the same.

Suddenly the door flew open, and three odd figures marched in. “WE will read!” exclaimed one. This one was like an Indiana Jones failure - as if he’d tried to put together a Halloween costume in honor of Indy, but was rather unsupplied. The others were another Indy failure, significantly more ominous-looking than the speaker, and a long-haired man in a blue suit.

“Wait, who are you?” Quil asked, confused.

“I’m Hero, and this is Gangster, and-”

Quil and Embry started cracking up, interrupting him. “Those aren’t names!!” Embry blubbered.

Hero grinned. “And as I was saying, this is Pootnic.” He pointed at the guy in the blue monkey suit, and then everyone was laughing. Pootnic just smiled as if they were clapping rather than ridiculing.

Next part on page 7, post 5.

I remember this!

I love this story!

Thanks Emzie! =3

Yup, It's a good one.

XD This is funny

I know, right?

Are you going to write more?

I'd be laughing if I could.

Eventually, but for now I'm focusing on getting all my stories posted here. XD Once that's done, I'll go back to writing them.

OMG! Saddle can't laugh!

Well, I can laugh, just not right now. I'm sick and it hurts when I talk, laugh, cough, breathe....

Aww, I'm sorry!

Thanks, but I think I'm fine. I'm going to the doctor tonight.

That's good. I hope everything's okay!

Thanks. My friend said I might have swine flu....I don't think I do....

That's not good! I sure hope you don't.

Me too. This morning he asked if I was feeling better (cuz I felt crummy yesterday) and I told him what was wrong with me (sore throat, hurts to cough, 100.4 fever, sore arms and legs, can barely talk, feeling dizzy whenever I stand) and he said, "Teresa! I think you got swine flu!" and then we got into this whole discussion/argument about that

Don't catch swine flu! Don't die on us!

Um, I'll try not to catch it. I don't wanna die. The past 2 nights I seriously thought I was gonna die in my sleep.

Once, I kinda did. I woke up, and was really hot, and felt nauseous, and really dizzy, so I went to the bathroom in case I'd puke, but I didin't, and, and then I was so hot, I had to sleep with the fan on, and without a shirt

I have asthma and I've been having breathing problems before bed the past 2 nights. My mom put some things in my room with medicine to help me (it was like smoke, idk how to spell them XD) but I was scared that if I couldn't breathe in my sleep, I'd die cuz I wouldn't be able to get my inhaler.

shadowsowner888 wrote:Eventually, but for now I'm focusing on getting all my stories posted here. XD Once that's done, I'll go back to writing them.

OMG! Saddle can't laugh!

Ok. I have a lot of twilight fan-fics.......

But write more ASAP!

SaddleClub wrote:Well, I can laugh, just not right now. I'm sick and it hurts when I talk, laugh, cough, breathe....

That's weird, same here!

Anyway, I like it. Good job.

He he. Still funny, no matter how many times I read it.

Its funnier every time.