Writing with Cousin Elf!

Back at the blog, I ran this Holiday special; a four segment writing class. Here it is, and since we don't have the luxury of color, red parts have been bolded.

Writing with Cousin Elf!
A Holiday Literary Treat Just in Time for Christmas (Segment 1)
Inspired by the wise counsel of Uncle Jim, whose literary wisdom I am far from achieving, I decided to a do a four-post segment and see if anyone was interested. Yes, I'm arrogant. But I have publishing credits that allow me to look big. I'm giving you lessons for free to fulfill my ego. Be grateful.


My first publication was when I was 12. Ultimate Guitar published and featured my short trilogy.
Next up, my hairdresser and I were talking. She turned out to be a co-editor for this magazine, which I have written for under the psuedonym Zeke WM.
I've also self-published a novella which has been mentioned on about 40,000 sites and mentioned on around 600, but that's not really a publishing credit. More on that later.


Now, before we get into this, you'll need the proper tools. This is what I like to call the essential trio:




The Modern Researcher



Jacques Barzun & Henry F. Graff






The Careful Writer


A Modern Guide to English Usage


Theodore M. Bernstein






Fowler's Modern English Usage


First Edition: H.W. Fowler


Revised Third Edition: R.W. Burchfield


All right, let's get started. The first thing I'm going to cover is narration. Every single fictional novel has some form of narration, be it third person limited, third person omniscient, first person limited or some other form.

One of the best ways of narration for a humorous piece is third person omniscient, with communication between the narrator and the reader. As opposed to what many writers attempt to do, drag you in with action, this can drag the reader in for the pure sake of laughs and conversation with the book itself. Why this is common in comedy novels is that the meat of comedy is the jokes, where in action novels you want to draw the reader in with action. You write for the reader, and so having too much action in a lighthearted comedy will make your plot unbalanced and confuse your reader.

The best narrator, in my opinion, who excelled at this was Douglas Adams. While I have none of his works on hand, I'll give you my horrible imitation.

He picked up the glass. The substance inside the glass, although highly alcoholic, was not in anyway of a quality higher then your lowest score on that one test in second grade which showed your teacher's horrible bias. Of course, had you been THAT annoyed with your second grade teacher, maybe you could of fed her this substance. It contained substances that, mind you, I'm not going to list here for your mental stability but will ask you, should it pique your curiosity, to imagine the worst thing you've ever eaten - combined with the worst thing you ever drank - then molded with currency from the farout Jecular system. Now imagine your second grade teacher again.

Did you visualize anything? You got into the world, maybe imagined your second grade teacher keeling over. Or perhaps you cringed at the desecration of Douglas Adams. Whatever. See how the narrator doesn't just make contact with the reader once? It stays on topic with the reader, and it simulates a conversation. It is actually quite similiar to how a conversation functions. There is immediate and directed contact, and then you elaborate. They reply, and elaborate. Let me highlight in red that initial communication that kickstarts the conversation.

He picked up the glass. The substance inside the glass, although highly alcoholic, was not in anyway of a quality higher then your lowest score on that one test in second grade which showed your teacher's horrible bias. Of course, had you been THAT annoyed with your second grade teacher, maybe you could of fed her this substance. It contained substances that, mind you, I'm not going to list here for your mental stability but will ask you, should it pique your curiosity, to imagine the worst thing you've ever eaten - combined with the worst thing you ever drank - then molded with currency from the farout Jecular system. Now imagine your second grade teacher again.

There is one problem with what I've highlighted. Can you spot it? Let me elaborate. The first contact, as you can see, is elaborated on. Then there is a sentence that anticipates the reader's reply, without forcing the reader to reply that way. Simulating a conversation. The last one, however, is something that would be said without waiting for a reply. The reason why it is highlighted is because in a coversation when you're growing bored and the other person can tell you, they try to draw you in. Well, the narrator is asking something of the reader, which draws the reader back to the page. Did you talk to the narrator? Even if you didn't, the words still flowed.

Another way of doing this is the Stephen Colbert/Al Franken way. Let me give you the first two sentences from my very rough draft.

This is not an advice book. What this book does is order you, commanding your daily activities.

The first line confused you. The second line made contact with you, and then sort of got on your nerves intentionally. It's a tongue-in-cheek way of doing so, but if you're good at it, you can create a good many laughs. Let me highlight this one.

This is not an advice book. What this book does is order you, commanding your daily activities.

Yep. Simple as that. That's the initial communication, flipping the switch into a lecture-like prologue that the reader may reply to. The biggest plus about the Stephen Colbert/Al Franken way is that is discourages conversation, expecting nothing of the reader while you make joke after joke about a reality that (we hope) the reader is familiar with.

Now, in most cases when the narrator uses the word "you", the narrator is being rhetorical. This is common in a fictional novel. Here's an example.

He mosied into the saloon, brandishing the biggest pistol you've ever seen.

That you - highlighted for your ease of comprehension - is completely rhetorical. Not only does it not force the reader, it's not even talking to the reader. I call it the "stationary you" - something that stands by itself.


Now, the narrator contacting the reader is rare in most books. Let's look at some other forms of narration. My old user title on AbsoluteWrite Watercooler:


Prostetnic Vogon, poet.


This cannot be used in every situation. But perhaps more than you think.


She smiled deviously. Then Prostetnic Vogon, poet, ran into the room.
Prostetnic Vogon, poet, was furious.
And they all knew him by Prostetnic Vogon, poet. Except for him, of course, who knew himself as Prostetnic Vogon, poet and planet demolisher.


In all these cases, it looks far superior to


Prostetnic Vogon, who was a poet, did so and so.


However, the one word of description is choppy, and stops the reader dead midsentence. This is where elaboration comes in.


Prostetnic Vogon, whose poetry might lead one to question their sense of being (and as to why he was a professional), did so and so.


Not only did you get in a joke, you provided the information that PV was


1. Male
2. A professional poet...
3. ...but bad at poetry


Next, narrator sarcasm. This is usually done in first person. A good example of it is the series I'm about to toally rant on. Pay close attention to its faults. Disclaimer: Opinions.


Maximum Ride by James Patterson (Recommended reading for what not to do)


The series is action-packed and funny, and tries too hard both ways. While James Patterson delivers quick (and impressively witty) comback lines in a heartbeat, the snark may get on a long-time reader's nerves, especially when the narrator aims it at the reader. The action scenes may draw a reluctant reader in, but in reality they're written like a movie script. James Patterson always twists the plot in unpredictable and exciting ways, the most intriguing at the time. However, it's like he doesn't know how to solve it without adding controversy, and ends up ending it the easiest way possible. In other words, a cop-out ending. And NOW...


Okay, while I haven't nearly covered all bases on narration, I'm going to skip to cop-out endings. As in, why a cop-out ending is bad, what a cop-out ending is, etc. Why? I want to cover specific topics quickly. The big thing was narrator contact.


For a reader, most books are to entertain. They get emotionally enveloped, and stuck to whatever happens next. They care for, despise, or grow emotions toward characters. In their mind they visualize the world, and structure the way THEY would like it. They get into it, you could say. The twists upset them, intrigue them, etc. If they found out it was all irrelevant, there was no point, then they would be unbelievably let down. They poured all that emotion out into the story for nothing? It could've been something else - and then they'll formulate their own ending. Do you want your reader to do your job for you? Don't write something unless you know you can end it.


And with it, segment one is over. Pretty quick, eh?

All right, segment two!

Writing with Cousin Elf!
A Holiday Literary Treat Just in Time for Christmas
We're going to cover a little bit on publishing today. Traditionally, there are two methods of publishing.
Traditional Publishing
Now, there are two ways this can happen, but for right now, I'm going to focus on the best-case scenario with a large publishing house. So, you're the author. Your manuscript, BUTTERFLY EATS FIREFLY AND GETS INDIGESTION, is complete at 294,012 words. How do you get published? Well, looking past self-editing and beta reading, let's skip straight to the final draft. You need a literary agent. So you go on Google and search 'literary agency', then nab the email of every hit. That's what most people do. It's not the right thing to do, however. Here's a better method. Go to Preditors & Editors. Click on agents. Click on A. Press Ctrl + F. Type in "recommended". The ones that don't have "not" in front of them and have links, open them up. See if their agency matches your work. If it doesn't, go back. Go down in alphabetical order. Now, say you find the perfect agent. You'll need to write a query letter, which goes something like this.


Dear Agent,


Su is a butterfly with a problem. Quite a few, actually. Despite her family falling apart, her father makes outrageous demands of her and her overprotective siblings have already banned any form of romance.


But when she meets John, the firefly, things change. Yet, how can she prove he is the one for her to her family, who believe that ANY romace, especially between species is strictly forbidden? Things go from bad to worse when her father threatens to kill her if she does not eat John. How can she do this to the only thing she ever loved? Will she follow his orders, or can love overcome?


I sm seeking representation for my manuscript, BUTTERFLY EATS FIREFLY AND GETS INDIGESTION, is complete at 294,012-words.


My first published work was Butterfly Magazine, a series of short stories entitled Of Butterflies. I am a graduate from Butterfly University. Thank you for your consideration.


Sincerely,


Butterfly Bill


There are a lot of things wrong with that query letter. So ask for crit on one of the best sites for a writer. You might get a reply like this:


Thank you for your recent query to the Anti-Butterfly Literary Agency. Unfortunately, we do not feel your project is right for us, but we wish you the best of luck elsewhere.


Or this:


Thank you for your submission to the Anti-Firefly Agency. Please forgive this form response, as the number of submissions being received disables us from personally responding to each one.






Though we appreciated your submission, after careful consideration, we have decided that the work in question doesn't meet our current list, so we have to decline the chance to read the manuscript.
The Anti-Firefly Agency


But maybe, just maybe, you might recieve this:


Thank you for visiting the Butterfly Agency and submitting your manuscript. We are very interested in its contents, and wish to view it.
The best manner for you to submit your completed work for our review is through mail:


Butterfly Agency
Butterfly Street, etc.




That's called a full. A partial is a request for part of the manuscript. You could get an offer of representation off the full (or rejection) in which you have to sign a contract, and then you're agented. The agent will create a proposal and send it to publishers. After they've sold your work to a publisher, it's in the publisher's hands. What should a publisher do? A LOT of things. But we're just covering HOW to get your book published.


Self-Publishing
Traditional self-publishing is doing everything yourself, not using some POD device like Lulu, etc. The problem is, self-pubbing has gotten a dirty reputation because through this method anything can really get published. If you're going to traditionally self-publish, you'll need a budget of at least $1,000.


And I need to go coat the house with Christmas decorations now. See you in the next segment!

And segment three...

Writing with Cousin Elf!
A Holiday Literary Treat Just in Time for Christmas
Today, we're going to talk about forbiddens, no-nos and don'ts. Now, in writing, there are no forbiddens, no-nos and don'ts, technically, because writing is an art. Professional writers break grammatical rules intentionally all the time. The thing is, only an expert - ie, a veteran writer - is allowed to do that. If a first time writer does it, no matter how good they think they are, they end up embarrassing themselves. So, instead of grammar, let's look at some stereotypes -


1. The "Stand"
I call this character "Stand" is because all she does is stand around and look good. She's usually dumb (or an expert in every single subject) and doesn't really share the conflict with the protagonist. In the end, she and the male lead make out. Sharing conflict is not just witnessing, but somehow being drawn into the conflict, usually through moral dillema, emotional trauma, or some other affecting factor. More on that later.
2. Glasses
Smart partner with glasses. This is more of a movie thing, but still.


This is not at all comprehensive. And here's a huge forbidden in my book, unless you're writing parody or satire:


The villain has no controversy. Bad, bad, bad. Evil, evil, evil. Why? No reason. A good antagonist must have controversy, and the more the reader can relate to the antagonist, the better job you've done. Or, if the reader despises the antagonist but for an understandable reason, that's also a sign of a good job.


Now, before I get off on a rant - today's giant lesson is the affecting factor.



Presented to you by Author Tales (Elf) productions

The Affecting Factor

What is an affecting factor? The affecting factor is not why the reader is reading...but why the protagonist is important. This different applies to "second person stories", but I don't want to get into that, so I won't.




Protagonist - Okay, the protagonist must face conflict. Making sacrifice isn't, however, essential. Lots of writers don't understand that. Anyway, why is the protagonist facing this conflict? Will it die if it doesn't? Well, that's fine and dandy. Quite understandable. Most aspiring authors stop there. Because if it's about to die, it makes sense why it's doing stuff, right? What caused it to be about to die? Did it get sucked in? Why is all of this important to it? For example -




A is walking along. B, A's rival for C's affection, is standing in A's path, challenging him. So A and B fight.




A had a love interest, and was being challenged. What if B had just been present? What started the fight? You need an affecting factor for just about everything. Then, the second lead is usually left out - well, why are they along? Why is C loved? Why does B love C? For that matter, why does A love C?




A story without an affecting factor is usually not a story.




Gotta decorate. Later. 8 days til Christmas. YAY!

This segment ended the blog series...any questions, class?

Writing with Cousin Elf!
A Holiday Literary Treat Just in Time for Christmas
Welcome, graduates of Elf Academy. You no doubt are aware this is the graduation ceremony, no? There are still a great many things to learn, so seek them on your own. I will test you to see if you are worthy of graduation. Your final:


Christmas Challenge


Prompt: "quadratic"
Deadline: Friday, December 25
Length: Between 700 and 4,000 words
Special Rules: MUST be holiday themed!


Good luck! Happy holidays!

Wow, Aiden, this is amazing! ^^ It's like those books you read about writing, except I didn't even have to go to the library for it! I'm definitely going to be keeping these lessons in mind.

Woah, this is really helpful!

Thanks! I figured if I posted directly from the blog it could help, and then people on this thread could ask questions and stuff. Anyway, so I'll try to continue as best I can on a forum-only basis...

I'm going to start on first person narration. The largest problem with first person narration is usually authors refuse to skip to scenes involving the antagonist (which is slightly understandable), no matter how key they are. Despite the protagonist telling the story, there needs to be scenes where he/she/it is not part of the picture. I reference back to James Patterson, not because I want to, but just because this is something he does pretty well. He utilizes the first person narration potential of expressing emotions and other things, but then opens up chapters that would appear to the reader as third person limited. (although he technically remains in first person) Now, you can do this well, and you can do this poorly. Two rules;

1. James Patterson does utilize the first person narration potential. But not to the point of total envelopment, because when you're totally enveloped in the character and suddenly it switches to third person limited it gives you a shock. The best way to utilize first person narration potential to its fullest is to tell the novel from both perspectives, just make sure those perspectives on our opposite sides of a coming conflict.
2. Not all books NEED to show scenes without the protagonist. These rules only apply to KEY scenes; scenes that really help foreshadowing, scenes that explain so much without infodump (when a character explains something completely, obviously "talking to the reader"; there are times when it's okay to talk the reader, other times...not so much), etc.

Wow, I never knew that was even a problem. o.0 Another thing that'll be good to keep in mind! xD

The second largest problem in first person is trying to be fun and appeal to a young adult crowd. Now, normally that's not such a problem, if so many new authors weren't desperately trying to do so. It's a combination of the popularity of such books as the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series and Maximum Ride and authors thinking "Hey, I can be witty!" When they try narrator sarcasm, as I mentioned earlier, they usually get too involved (as if they are telling off the reader) and turn it into way too much snark which overwhelms any possible story. It also results in tons and tons of fragment sentences. Example:

Hey. Oh, you want me to introduce myself? Can't. I'm too busy being chased by winged demons. Maybe next time, though. Just make sure not to bring any winged demons. Or oysters. I hate oysters.

The story is going nowhere, but the narrator sure seems to be having fun. You don't want the narrator to come across as having fun when they're being chased by winged demons. Try to keep a story flowing:

Winged demons chasing you really ruin introductions, huh? Oh well. I'm A, and I'm being chased by a bunch of winged demons; why, I can't imagine. I'm not that bad at introductions, am I?

That way it stays relevant, on topic, and keeps a bunch of winged demons chasing A. Try rewriting a scene both ways. The first way should be easier and more fun to write, but the second way will become fun to write after a while. Remember the golden rule in writing; You're writing for the reader.

I'll be moving on to prophecies. A prophecy is, by definition...

prophecy (noun)
/ˈprɒf.ə.si//ˈprɑː.fə-/ n
• [C] a statement that says what is going to happen in the future, especially one which is based on what you believe about a particular matter rather than existing facts
The minister suggested that the dire prophecies of certain leading environmentalists were somewhat exaggerated.
These doom and gloom prophecies are doing little to help the economy.
• [U] formal the ability to say what is going to happen in the future

From the Cambridge Online Dictionary.

Guess what, kids? That means that a prophecy is based on facts and is usually not written in poetic or lyrical form. Unless, of course, economic experts break out telling of a doomed future, making sure every line rhymes and uses old language. Now, a long time ago, a poetic prophecy wouldn't have been so bad. But it's been killed. It's been slaughtered. And a few more inappropriate things have happened to it.

A prophecy is NOT what most people think. Prophecies used in prose should be used accurately, such as;

"That car will not make it out of the driveway." She prophecized.

That's a prophecy. She's predicting the future based off of what she knows, her experience and what she's inferred. Prophecies, in general, have become a skip-over in literature lately. Who wants to read three paragraphs of some author being annoyingly clever, thinking their rhyme dictionary will help them foreshadow? Good authors don't need prophecies. Often, prophecies are a crutch for the literary weak. Now, prophecies CAN be used very well. Just like breaking grammatical rules. Guess what? No matter how well you think you can do it as a breakthrough author, or no matter how well you actually can do it, you won't get published. Sure, there are flukes, but are you going to gamble on your entire writing career? If you have the best story that NEEDS a prophecy...wait until AFTER you've debuted to unveil it.

A quick note:

We've just gotten out of the deep tube of narration. Now, we'll probably go back into it, but I'd like to focus on other things, lately. So, with that, I will provide you with people to look up. These are the best at narration. (Off the top of my head)

Douglas Adams
Suzanne Collins
Rick Riordan
Frank Herbert
Anthony Tollope

Right. Now, back to the lesson, class.

How do you know when you have a completed novel? Well, it depends. Usually, categories are divided like this:

Flash Fiction: 0-500 words
Short Story: 501-5,000 words
Novella: 5,001-40,000 words
Novel: 50,000-200,000 words
Series: 200,000+ words

What's the gap between novella and novel? Tough market. Also, lengths may vary depending on magazine/agency/publisher/whatever. If you've got flash fiction, short story or even a novella, I reccomend Duotrope. A novel, obviously, you'll need to find an agent for. Most people use AgentQuery, but as I gave instruction in Segment 2, Preditors&Editors is a much better resource. NEVER use Google. To make sure an agency or publisher is reputable, there's P&E and also Absolute Write.

On to stories involving a magical world. Now, when I say a 'story involving a magical world', I'm refering to stories that start in the real world and eventually the character finds this magical world, where the story then happens. The rule of thumb in these stories is simple: The beginning will be boring.

Look at Gregor the Overlander, The Lightning Thief, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia ripoffs, CoN itself, etc. They start out boring, the protagonist just whining about how miserable or boring their life is. The authors (should) acknowledge that. In every books there are boring parts, and there is pretty much no way to get around the boring introductions in this genre. But I'm not going to talk about that, since there's not much more to stay. I'm going to go into the usage of props in such stories. Perhaps the heroes enter a closet. Perhaps the heroes turn a stone. Props that grant a protagonist passage into another world DO NOT WORK. They haven't been killed, but it's actually an original idea. What if you switched Mordor to Dormor and made it into a gigantic steaming pot of water instead of a volcano? It's still stealing someone else's idea. There is a better way to enter another world. It's up to you to figure out the best way for YOUR story.

The part about entering a magical world is extremely helpful (the other parts too). I will definetly take that into consideration while working on my fantasy stories.

Another thing to make a note of when writing is that rarely will you come up with a finished product, depending on when you decide to start editing. My general advice on this topic is to leave your manuscript alone for a month, and then rewrite parts with a new view of the manuscript. If you rewrite immediately, it ends up looking very similiar or you make some radical permanent change which was really unnecessary...something you'll regret.

Oh, and by the way, class, Merry Christmas.

If you've been a faithful student of Cousin Elf's lesson, you might want to take this chance to see if you can get published. Cousin Elf is going to give you THREE Christmas presents. He's already given you the first two, in the quotes and that contest. Now, it's time for the third...

Cousin Elf's Rules to Writing Holiday Stories
5. Always create conflict. Without conflict, you have no story. New authors tend to create holiday stories that read like documentaries. There must be conflict.
4. A lot of holiday stories are based off of classics to the point where original classics have become formulas for holiday stories. Try to create an original concept. The best recent example I can think of is the script for Disney's Prep and Landing. (My friend forced the darn video down my throat...)
3. Never...ever...say merry Christmas as the heartfelt message. (Or Happy Hannukah, whatever) If you can think of a better way to say it, it will come across stronger and your story will be one million times better. Guaranteed.
2. Don't be too dark, or you'll dig yourself your own grave when it comes to rewriting. (Cousin Elf's Darkwriting Rule #4124: Rewriting overly dark material usually leads the writer to enjoying the darkness, and overwhelming the reader with even more darkness) Besides, you lose a lot of your target audience.
1. Enjoy yourself. Normally, as per Cousin Elf's General Writing Rules, you shouldn't enjoy yourself too much or you start writing for yourself. But these are the holidays.
Chances are if you're enjoying yourself, the reader probably is too.

Oops, link didn't work. Deadlines been extended until we have a sufficient of submissions. Get published: https://shadowsowner888.forumotion.net/contests-f50/holiday-query-to-story-contest-t3071-10.htm#167303

WwCE will be on hiatus for the next week or so.

All right, after reading America (The Book) and resting up my literary devices, I'm back with another use(less/ful, depending on whether you want to get in my good graces or be honest) session of Writing with Cousin Elf.

As you may noticed from the introduction, parody is an element essential to (you guessed it) parody. I will use a professional example to demostrate.

In America (The Book) by professional satirist Jon Stewart, there is the word parody (on a page that I have already forgotten) and a footnote that states "For an example of parody, re-read this sentence".

Parody is when you take the most serious (and in professional cases, offensive) issues and turn them into something totally facetious while seeming to refer to them seriously.

So, as an example, I coughed up this pathetic excuse of an essay;

[QUOTE/]Today, class, we will be discussing the concept of honor. What is honor, why is it honorable, and why does it justify the killing of millions of people? Well, as Hallmark invented Valentine’s Day, the government needed their very own “Get Out of Jail Free” card.


Our glorious founding fathers, in one of the rare moments when they were not under the heavy influence of alcohol, decided that the military needed limitations. However, after a few pints and Benjamin was sent under the table, the idea was quickly dismissed. After all, without war, there wouldn’t be free market, and without free market, there wouldn’t be sports cars!

Now, some idiots off the street say that sports cars are hazardous to the environment. These are the same people that said smoking was bad for you! Anyway, we’re not talking about global warming or smoking, we’re talking about honor.

Honor is the belief that if you follow your heart, you’re justified. And it’s true. For example, when politicians except enourmous amounts of money from lobbyists, they are following their heart and thus it is honorable. When most people follow their hearts, they end up at their chest, but when true politicians follow their hearts, they end up at their wallets. Now, when it comes to soldiers, honor is like religion; it’s the easiest and most persuasive way to get someone to do something.

Now, soldiers also have a larger form of honor. When they die for meaning. When they die for purpose. Politicians like to emphasize this, because talking about honorable bribes just doesn’t have the same impact.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, class, I have to go find some honor so I can have dinner tonight. Next lecture will be the next war. Remember; all wars are justified by honor. And all dinners are provided by that very same honor. Remember to study what you learned today, especially if you are an aspiring politician/soldier/lobbyist. Ta ta! [/QUOTE]

It treats a pretty serious subject as if it were a lecture, but what it says is definitely not Webster's definition of "honesty". Now, if you feel the article is accurate (email me if you're offering me a freelance job), think. The articles is critical of politicians. But the point-of-view of the article respects politicians. So how is this possible? When you push sarcasm over the brink and you're writing from a totally different person's perspective is when you can achieve similiar parody.

Now, this is genuine parody. There are parodies of genres and other things, but for examples of genuine parody, please take this moment (no more than five minutes at most) to read (no skimming!) I Am America (And So Can You) by Stephen Colbert, Oh! The Things You'll Know by Al Franken, Dave Berry Hits Below the Beltway by Dave Berry and America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction by Jon Stewart. While your political views may differ, these authors are absolutely genius at parody.

Quick break, folks. Those of you interested in publishing...

For teen lit, you could be considered for publication by HarperCollins when you put your work at Inkpop.

For scifi/fantasy, make a memorable debut with Writers of the Future.

Google 'em. Sorry.

Here's a little activity, for those aching to stretch out the old literary bone...

You'll have to plan this beforehand. You have absolutely no prompt. Do NOT read any literature 24 hours (as in, don't read for a day) before. Start writing. Work on NO other tasks. How many words can you write?

This is a challenge that professional writers face most. Right now, with other things in your life, you only have to write when ideas are flooding your mind. But without anything, this is what's called "writing uninspired". Once you can write a story that you deem a masterpiece while "uninspired", it usually means you got inspired. But if you managed to make a masterpiece unispired, and find inspiration in absolutely nothing, THEN you have mastered uninspired writing.

Writing about politics is usually a difficult area for fantasy or teen lit writers, but it is for those writers on the opposite end of the writing spectrum that political writing does the most for. It improves your writing beyond belief.

There are approximately three types of political writing, with some shady areas in between. They're the facetious type, the opinion type (usually a persuasive argument) and the factual type. The most common is a mix of the opinion type and the factual type, where a philosophical debate is supported by facts.

I have composed and shared an essay in this style, and it can be read pretty much anywhere but also here.

Those are the ones that most literary magazines look for. But if it's just for personal stuff or a blog, many people prefer the opinion root. (Some professional writers do this)

Facetious political articles are usually also opinion political articles (almost always) but this is not true both ways. There are many serious articles based solely on opinion. Opinion articles, as long as there not intended (or claimed) to be accurate, have lots of leeway and can usually be on radical topics such as this.

Facetious political articles, for aspiring or new writers, have lots of borders. Once you're a professional, you can seriously start offending people, but for now, its best to be quite vague about your topic. An example of this is something that I've provided in earlier lessons, but I'll link to anyway.

Citation machines are easily found with Google search (or a "Because It's Not Google Search") or a much nobler Givoogle search (Google it) and pretty easy to use.

What should the topic be? Um...we live in a time where 24 Hour News actually has 24 hour news on politics. So it's not too hard to figure out. If you're that strained, I'll give you a prompt?

What do you feel about the situation in Iraq? (Opinion)

One of the hardest parts of the writing process is getting rid of things. The characters you love, the plot events you just HAVE to have, etc. Guess what. Every published writer has to go through the same thing. That's why most published books are edited to perfection, ignoring places like PublishAmerica.

But, if they're unnecessary to the plot, they're a step backwards. The plot needs to flow. You can pour ideas out, but make sure they have impact. I discuss impact earlier in these lessons.

I'm alive! But I'm busy, not many updates for another while.