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The Sown Shadow - blogging (wow, a blog about blogging!)

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Should I talk less about my obsessions?

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Post by shadowsowner888 5/10/2010, 8:02 pm

Written 5/9/10.

Maybe I just like talking to myself.

When I blog, that’s basically what I’m doing until these things go online, aren’t they? It’s especially what I’m doing when I end up not posting the blogs. I’m not sure I like how strict I’m becoming with myself. Like, I used to post my random little blogs all the time, but now it’s like . . . if a blog doesn’t feel to me like it has a purpose, then I decide not to post it because it doesn’t feel worth it.

My problem with that is that I’m not sure whether it’s a good or bad thing. >.<

Or maybe I simply enjoy having someone to share things with. Because if I’m blogging in the first place, rather than keeping a private journal, that means I prefer having an audience. But that makes me wonder . . . which is the reason I blog, then? Is it really that I like people commenting on my thoughts, or do I see it as a better way to get things out than journaling?

One thing that I know I prefer to writing in my diary is that it’s a bit more free. I mean, sure, I can talk about whatever I want in blogs, but there’s things I’d like to say but can’t because of my little rules. If I want to give out full names and swear like a sailor in my journal, heck, I can . . . but in my actual blogs, I have to be a lot more careful than that. Then there’s also the aspect of ‘ya never know who’s gonna read it.’ I assume nobody from my real life is going to ever see these unless I specifically tell them to go to the site, but I always manage to forget how public the internet is. Funny how I talk about so many things online that I would never dare to share in real life.

But blogging . . . there’s just some comfort to allowing people to see what you think, at least when you’re a writer. It lets you practice your skills, find yourself even more than writing fiction, and it’s rather friendly. (At least for me. xD) I like sharing myself with the world, and when people comment, it makes me feel good inside because it says the people enjoyed my blog enough to bother with it in the first place.

Plus, with blogging, it makes sense if you want to do something insane, and you can include all sorts of things that you couldn’t in a journal. Music and video, epic formatting, stuff like that. It’s so much more creative, whereas all you can really do with normal journaling is pick a journal and pen, maybe have special titles and doodles in the margins. So they each have their own freedoms and non-freedoms . . . I suppose each is equally good. XD But I prefer blogging.

That makes me think about the random blogs I never post anymore, though. Because my journaling, well, because of the freedom allowed by the privacy, I can say all that random stuff and not worry about it. With blogs I have to worry about whether something in particular will keep people from wanting to read, and so it’s harder, because I feel like I need at least a general topic, and also like I shouldn’t talk so much about my real life.

But then that defeats me, because who else can I share my experiences with? With Ann, maybe, sure . . . but I’m too scared to share some things even with her. So now the only personal stuff I talk about is, well, lots more significant than the stuff I used to post. Is that good or bad, I wonder? Might be good for others, because I can’t really expect anyone to want to bother with my personal life so much, but bad for me because I believe it’s always better to talk to somebody about things, no matter how little they may be.

Wow, now it feels like you guys are my psychologists. o.0 Greeeat.

And psychologists . . . I wonder about them, too. Basically, I’m in the process of figuring out what their point is. Not that they don’t have one, just that I’m not positive yet what it is. I know they ‘help’ people, or however you’d put it. But how exactly do they do it? Not even an answer like ‘oh, they help people understand themselves’ is really enough for me. I want to have a psychologist, go to a session with one, just to see what happens and what it’s like. Partially, I want to because I’m curious, and then there’s the other part that’s just giving me a good excuse by saying that, as a writer, it couldn’t hurt for me to know.

I keep imagining myself talking to one, only to have them tell me I understand myself too well for them to help me . . . but that’s just my ego. Even without having anger management issues or something that a person might need a psychologist for, there’d definitely be something I could be helped with . . . like my parents.

Things between they and I are better and worse at the same time. I’m managing to get over things enough that I’m trying to get at least a little closer to them, but at the same time, I manage to be judgemental and find fault with just about everything they do. >.< It makes me feel really bad, because I know I shouldn’t be so picky, and they’re the only people I mentally pick on so much . . . but at the same time, I’m not making myself stop.

What exactly about them do I find fault with, though, when it comes down to it? Basically their personalities and parenting styles, which makes me even more pathetic. First of all, I’m a kid, I shouldn’t be thinking I have the right to judge their parenting when I’m not even a parent. Second of all, they’re my parents, I gotta live with them . . . but geez. I sometimes really wish they weren’t, just so I could simply say, “I don’t enjoy these people” and stop associating with them.

I might as well rant, so you can tell me whether or not I’m being ridiculous. Let’s talk about my dad first . . . he has about three different modes. There’s “let’s talk and talk for a long time about a particular subject,” “how dare the world exist!”, and “hahaha I’m a hilarious person but you guys are losers!” No matter what, I manage to complain about something. He talks too long and it’s rather boring, or he screams and yells at everyone and moans and groans like he’s about to die and gets entirely self-centered and acts ugly, or he just cracks too many jokes and teases everyone else. The last one, it’s really not so bad as the others - it can actually be kinda fun. The problem is, when he is in that particular mood, he won’t stop razzing people until they start crying (tears are my best defense sometimes), and then he goes into the talking or ranting mode.

Then there’s my mom . . . ugh. She’s basically the same, but slightly different. Her modes are “two hour lecture for you guys because I don’t think you understand at all,” “oh god you guys are so selfish so you’re all grounded from everything,” and “I have no respect for you, so let’s tease you! x3” Whereas with dad, his big head is only playful, with her it’s obvious no matter what she does, and neither of them have any respect for us kids. They don’t try to understand us either, and punish or lecture as a method of teaching us about life rather than just giving us a simple, ‘hands-on,’ understandable lesson.

This would be where it goes from the personalities to parenting styles.

My problem is that every time I get punished, I just don’t learn anything. I don’t have a clue anymore whether it’s my fault from being too critical or theirs for being crappy parents. I always tell myself that they don’t understand, they’re blowing things out of proportion, they’re being hateful, or simply want to remind us who’s in charge, and that there’s no real reason to be punished . . . so really, all I’ve learned by this point is to disregard everything they try to tell me.

I don’t blame myself, though. One time mom grounded us all when she found a cup of juice by the computer, even though I personally always made sure to get permission before eating in those off-limits areas and Gri admitted it was his. Then there was that last time where she grounded me for two days when I didn’t let Gri on, despite the obvious miscommunication between Gri and I and my desire to go apologize to him. The flaws I find in her reasoning get stupider and stupider, but really, my lesson is the same: that she doesn’t have any good reason to punish me. And so now I’m stuck in this strange state of accepting but denying at the same time.

They’re not understanding parents. If something around the household needs doing, then 99% of the time, the task will fall to Gri or myself. Zachary and Bella never get any schoolwork done because mom isn’t diligent enough. Mom was personally offended when Gri expressed the opinion that children should feel like their parents love them. Dad never cuts anyone any slack and doesn’t care if I end up doing all the kitchen jobs by myself so long as his kitchen is ‘beautiful.’ Their answer to any problem is yelling.

Maybe I shouldn’t have read that parenting book. It was this nice Catholic book, and all about “reality parenting,” which was letting the kids learn by experiencing things and making their own choices. The punishments, if any, made sense and weren’t overly harsh. A kid breaks a toy, he doesn’t get a lecture - he just has to pay for it. Another kid takes some money, but doesn’t really understand that stealing is wrong, he gets told that what he did was wrong and has to return the money and apologize. They’re recognized as independant people with their own lives and choices to make from the moment they’re born, the parents have a respect for the children at least as parents, and punshments don’t exist - everything is simply a lesson.

Now I’m just brimming over with little lessons for my own parents that I know I shouldn’t even try to say, because they’ll just get mad for me having the nerve. *sigh* I’m so stuck.

Now this is the point where I say a few random things.
First, I have two videos on Youtube now. :3 One is of my writing space (and the rest of my room), because I thought a video would be more fun than a picture, and the other is me singing Vanilla Twilight. Watchwatchwatch! (But beware, cus the first one is not only rather cruddy, but there’s decorations, a computer, a picture, books, and a drawing all related to L that I managed to stick in there. XD And yes, I’m actually pointing them all out in the vid. They’re not just hidden in the background.)


And second . . . yeah. I avoided talking about Death Note until now, just to see how it went. XD I’m not going to drool over it here, for the record. I just wanna say that Draggy has made me consider things, so . . . now I’d like to ask your opinion. Do you think I should blog less about my obsessions, or do you not mind? I won’t be offended whatever you choose. ^^ Just go vote in the poll.
Finally, I have even more new books. :3 I went and spent some more gift cards today, so . . . XD I have Death Note 13: How to Read (being me, of course I’m gonna buy something DN), The Zombie Survival Guide (because I couldn’t resist! *-*), an issue of Twist because I wanna find out what’s happening in the world of superstars (it has nothing to do with Justin Beaver, ew xD), and like three packs of 5 gum because they looked pretty and I needed something to spend the rest of my Target gift card on. :3

Yeah, thanks for reading. xD

1. Do you prefer journals or blogs?
2. Are you a psychopath? (Not a psychologist. A psycopath.)
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I?
4. What was your answer to the poll?
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons?
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose?
7. Do you like to brush your teeth?
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about?
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Post by B 5/10/2010, 8:12 pm

Whoa. O.o Serious blogger.
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Post by Noah the Flood 5/10/2010, 8:36 pm

1. Do you prefer journals or blogs? Both are fun nod But I prefer blogs, cause then you get feedback, but I might start a journal nod
2. Are you a psychopath? Ci..atleast, I'm pretty sure.
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I? Nope.
4. What was your answer to the poll? Thre third one. I don't think you should care what otehr people think, its their choice to read the blog or not. Smile
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons? Of courseee!
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose? Hmm...nonfictional would be a tiger, owl, polarbear, wolf, or eagle, but fictional would be either a dragon =]
7. Do you like to brush your teeth? Sometimes xD
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about? Possibly. Maybe a new member to a gang, who is new at the ropes and stuff..IDK.
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Post by shadowsowner888 5/10/2010, 9:49 pm

I guess you could say that, Smirf. XD

1. :3 Yeah, journals are good so you have some record of your life in the instance the internet dies! But I still prefer blogs, too. xD
2. You and me both! Very Happy
3. Really? o.0
4. See, that's what I was trying to tell myself too, but then there was the other part of my brain that said, "Well, the whole point of blogs is the readers, otherwise they're just journals!" So yeah. XD Hence the poll. I'm relieved at least one person thinks so, though. :3
6. ALL RIGHT! Very Happy
8. :3 Oooh, yes, that would be a delightful aspect.
See, I keep reading little things about gangs, and I'm surprised because they seem a lot more organized than I originally thought. o.0 With the leaders and rivalries and running from the police, too, it seems like fun. (To write about. xD I don't wanna be a gangster.)
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Post by Avé 5/10/2010, 10:37 pm

Psychologists... I used to see one when I was younger. You know, it helped; they're there to guide you, not to change your opinion of anything or anything, but to help you understand yourself (which, I'm sure, is exactly what you didn't want me to say.)

I'm sorry about your parents, Shadow. I've really got no advice to give and all I can really say is, well, I've felt the same way in the past.

I didn't get to finish the video, but your writing space looks awesome. And your voice! Oh, gosh, it's beautiful. *_*

1. Do you prefer journals or blogs? Blogs. I could never keep a journal - I've tried once or twice and I failed at remembering to write in it. I like having an audience, like you pointed out. It's nice to know what people think of what you wrote and, frankly, I can barely even read my own handwriting.
2. Are you a psychopath? (Not a psychologist. A psycopath.) -head shake- I wouldn't say that.
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I? No, not really. Just make sure that if you let them know how you feel, do it... gently. xD After all, you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar, right?
4. What was your answer to the poll? I voted for you to do whatever you want. To tell you the truth, I like to hear about your obsessions (yeah, I tried phrasing that in a way that it didn't sound messed up or stalker-ish), but really, the choice is yours.
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons? Like the book you read said, I'll let them learn by mistake. I'll warn them and if they ignore me, well, they'll face the consequences.
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose? A mountain goat. And I'm not kidding - I'd love to have a fluffy little white ball of fur following me around everywhere I go. Who wouldn't?
7. Do you like to brush your teeth? Sometimes? :/
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about? -shrug- It's up to you to make it interesting. But, yes, for the most part, I think it'd be pretty cool. ^^
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Post by Noah the Flood 5/10/2010, 10:45 pm

Plus, what Ave said, I can barely understand my own handwriting xD Though for some reason, some people say its neat xD

Really. I don't blame you for being critical from how it sounds.

Yessh. those are my favorite animals. Nonfictional top ten is (In no order)
Wolf
Eagle
Owl
Polar Bear
Otter
Penguin
Lizards
Frogs
Tigers
Snakes
So..mainly reptilian and birds xD

Fictionall....Dragon, Dragon,Dragon, Dragon,Dragon, Dragon,Dragon, Dragon,Dragon, Griffin xD

Your writting space is cool *-* and like Ave said, your voice is beautiful. I might either make a video or take pictures once I get everything moved into my new room (THIS SATURDAY!). Which do you think? Vid or pics?
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Post by rattyjol 5/10/2010, 10:55 pm

1. Do you prefer journals or blogs? Blogs.
2. Are you a psychopath? (Not a psychologist. A psycopath.) ...Yes. Very Happy
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I? Meh. I think it's a teenage thing. I do it too.
4. What was your answer to the poll? I haven't voted yet, but I think... No. I like reading about your obsessions. Very Happy
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons? I have no idea.
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose? Um... um... A dragon? I dunno. I love rats but I hate cleaning out their cages so it would be nice to get a pet that I wouldn't actually have to take care of... Like living out in the wild and getting its own food 'n stuff. But that'll never happen, so... rolleyes
7. Do you like to brush your teeth? No. xP
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about? I dunno... Maybe?

I haven't watched your videos yet but I will soon! Very Happy (If I remember. rolleyes)
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Post by shadowsowner888 5/10/2010, 11:47 pm

Lol, that does help, Ave. x3 I know I said that answers like that aren't good enough for me, but that's probably just because that was when I was the only one in the picture. XD It gave me a reason to be meh about it.

:/ Thanks. Idk, I guess I just have to live with it and wait a few more years until I'm in college. xD Then it'll be better.

Lol, that's okay. :3 Oh, aww, you really think so? ^///^ Thanks . . .

1. *strokes imaginary beard* Yes, yes, handwriting can definitely be a problem. But suddenly I just realized that my writing can be so much more writing-ish when I handwrite it. o.0 Not like it has anything to do with it, though.
2. Makes one of us. xD
3. As not-good-of-me as it probably is to not wanna give up the criticalness, I'm relieved you think so. XD I will keep that in mind for the next time I have to express myself to them. nod
4. x3 Oh yay! Again, I'm glad you think so.
5. Haha, it sounded so ominous when you said face the consequences. xD
6. That would be hecka adorable. :3
7. Me neither! Very Happy (Yeah, I know that didn't make any sense. xD)
8. Woot. x3

Ratty:

1. *highfive*
2. Welcome to the club! Very Happy *pins button on Ratty*
3. That's not so bad, then. x3
4. Yay! x3 (Seriously, I can't tell you how much better this is making me feel, because I always get worried when I think maybe I shouldn't be doing something. xD)
5. Well, in that case, good luck. nod
6. Dragons yay! Very Happy
7. A+ for you! :3
8. Hehehe. >3

Lol, well, I'll look forward to seeing your comments on them if/when you do. nod
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Post by rattyjol 5/11/2010, 1:55 am

Just watched the videos. Very Happy

On #1: Wow, that is really not what I expected your voice to sound like. xD You have an awesome room. Not like mine. Mine is messy and boring. rolleyes

On #2: Cool. nod You're really good at singing. Unlike me. xD
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Post by Jinx 5/11/2010, 6:49 am

1. Do you prefer journals or blogs? Neither-No patience. I like reading blogs though.
2. Are you a psychopath? (Not a psychologist. A psycopath.) Er. I have anger-mangement issues and drama queen issues, and teasing people until they go over the edge issues, but I wouldn't call myself a psychopath....
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I? Meh. I'm the same with my parents, I'm just not so public about it. My mom says it's healthy for teens to to get angry at their parents even if for no reason.
4. What was your answer to the poll? What poll?
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons?
I don't know really. I'd have to think about that.
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose?
A FERRET. Or a cat.
7. Do you like to brush your teeth?
No.
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about?
I dun like gangs.
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Post by shadowsowner888 5/11/2010, 5:09 pm

Ratty:

Yay! Very Happy

1. Lol, yush, I wouldn't have expected that to be my voice either if I didn't already know. x3 Thank you deary! It took me years to get myself to the point where it isn't always messy, though, trust me. XD

2. x3 Aw, thanks.

Mea:

1. Ahh, I can understand that. ^^
2. Well, that's perfectly fine. nod
3. I like your mom's opinion, then. Very Happy
4. The one at the top of the blog. :3
6. OMG, I would love a ferret. o_O They're so adorable!
7. Woohoo! xD
8. :3 That's fine.
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Post by Jinx 5/11/2010, 5:23 pm

Shadoo:
2. Self confidence +3
3. Me too.
4. *Facepalms* Wooow. That was sad.
*Votes*
I think you should...But moderate it a bit.
6. I knooooowwww, but they are so, so fragile, and they steal stuff + dad's allergys. So i can't have one *Sad*
7. Okay.
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Post by shadowsowner888 5/11/2010, 5:56 pm

2. :3 Lolz.
4. Okay! x3 Thanks for voting.
6. Oh, aw. :/ (And plus they're expensive compared to some other pets. o.0 Like hamsters.)
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Post by rattyjol 5/11/2010, 8:40 pm

1. I went without cleaning my room for like seven years (until I was like ten or eleven xD), then basically stuffed everything into the closet and kind of cleaned it every year afterwards for our Hanukkah party but I actually cleaned it last December and it's stayed more or less clean since then which is really amazing. xD
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Post by Komoda 5/11/2010, 11:36 pm

Lol, I'm so sorry it took me forever to get to this. XD I'm supposed to be going to bed early so that I can achieve, thus I can't comment on the whole blog, but I swear I'll make a better response after you reply to this, if not before.

Wow, okay, I really loved your writing space video. XDD It was epic. You're amazing at drawing! And you had some lovely posters in your room. Very Happy

1. Do you prefer journals or blogs?
Blogs!
2. Are you a psychopath? (Not a psychologist. A psycopath.)
No, but my boyfriend is! *huggles Light*
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I?
Naw, you still seem to have a respect for them despite it all, and that's what counts.
4. What was your answer to the poll?
"Whichever you prefer" XD
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons?
By being harsh on them, and lots of discipline, and whipping them if they turn out to be lazy like me. XD
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose?
A UNICORN.
7. Do you like to brush your teeth?
Of course!
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about? Yeah, I do. Interesting life style.
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Post by Arianna 5/12/2010, 12:27 pm

OMG YOUR WRITING SPACE! Very Happy Itàs awesome.


1. Do you prefer journals or blogs? I donàt know, as I write the same thing in both. xD
2. Are you a psychopath? (Not a psychologist. A psycopath.) NO! Razz
3. I really need to stop being so critical of my parents, don’t I? No, Iàd be even more critical if I were you.
4. What was your answer to the poll? Whatever floats your boat. xD
5. If you ever raise (a) kid(s), how will you teach them life lessons? Iàll yell at them... No, Iàll just tell them theyàre being bad and not give them their allowance. I guess.
6. If you could have any animal, even a fictional one, for a pet, what would you choose? A dog.
7. Do you like to brush your teeth? Yes, I actually do. xD I like the feeling of clean teeth. xD
8. Do you think gangs would be something interesting to write about? I donàt know.

I wish I could have a more detailed reply, but no. Razz Silly camp.
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Post by shadowsowner888 5/12/2010, 1:04 pm

Ratty:

1. Oh my gosh, Ratty. XD That sounds like a really intense mess.

Komoda:

That's okay. :3 I'm just glad you're reading it at all.

Yay! XD Thank you darling! That's the picture I told you I was drawing of L . . . well, yeah, I've been waiting to put L in because I'm afraid of drawing his clothes. o.0 (I mean, like, clothes are so hard for me . . . oh geez this is coming out wrong. XD) So at the moment, Iggy and I are the only ones in there, and as you saw we're not even finished. XD

2. :3 WOOHOO! (Auuuuugh. T.T I bet you can guess what just popped into my head.)
3. Oh, really? :3 That's cool, then.
4. Whee! :3 Thank you for voting.
5. But what if they still refuse to listen? :O You might have to make Light teach them a thing or two.
6. Yay! Very Happy Then you could ride it everywhere like a horse! I saw this one girl crossing the street on a horse, once. *-* It was a really busy street.
7. :O *gasp*
8. :3 Exactly! Glad you think so. xD

Ari:

1. I should actually try that some time. XD I just get too bored to write the same thing twice.
2. Really now? *leans close and stares*
3. Psht, nice. xD
4. Or, or, or, whatever cranks your tractor! :O
5. Oooh yes. *-* I'd definitely learn my lesson if I had an allowance and my mom stopped giving it to me.
6. :3 Aw yay! Doggies are so nice.
7. You and Komoda need to join the teeth brushers club, then, while the rest of us fear you two. nod

That's all right. XD
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Post by rattyjol 5/12/2010, 7:54 pm

1. Oh yes. It most certainly was. nod I got a Webkinz for it, though! Very Happy
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Post by shadowsowner888 5/14/2010, 12:08 am

:3 That's good, then! Cleaning is always worth it if you get a prize.
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Post by rattyjol 5/14/2010, 12:10 am

Yush. Very Happy
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