Star-Crossed.A finished short,short story by Mea Lancaster.

Maturity:A little non-graphic romance,and double suicides

Fantasy:..Sadly,none.

Criticism is much appreciated.
~*~
He knocked,and getting no reply walked in,the door unlocked as always. Generally her father was too drunk to care.
"Hello?" he asked"Hello!!" After a few minutes of this,thoroughly confused, the dark haired boy moved to her bedroom, assuming she was there,possibly hiding.
"Where are you?!" he said, one last time then opened the door. There she was,her pale face gone even paler,a knife in her chest and her straw-colored hair in a mess. Dead and cold.


He stumbled backward,gasping for air. After a few moments of shock, he noticed, and finally managed to pick a folded piece of paper off of the floor,near her. It had his name on it, in her loose,messy,handwriting. He unfolded it,shaking.

Dear Westley
I'm sorry..I'm sorry..
But I can't live in a world like this where men like my father can cause as much pain and no-one will care...I know you do Westley, and you've kept me going awhile longer. Remember when we first met?

He did.

'She'd snuck out,and he'd been following her,curious. She'd always been considered a goodie-goodie,a teachers pet in the private school they went to. Enemy to kids like him. He'd hoped to rat her out.
"Sneaking out?"
The pale haired girl jumped,making a surprised noise. He continued teasingly,ignoring her evident shock.
"What would make a goody-two-shoes like yourself do that?"
She frowned
"They don't have any good books in that elementary school. Well...They have some but I've read them all now!"
"You really are a nerd!"he said,continuing his tough act,laughing at her.
"Yes..."she breathed"I guess I am"
"You don't mind?"It was his turn to frown,now.
"No."she said"I'd rather be happy than cool like you" She gave him a sad,compassionate look.
"Hey! I am happy" Despite this,the teasing smile had vanished from his face.'

He returned to reality after a minute,and continued his reading.

I hope your happy now,I hope I've made at least an impression of myself.

He laughed bitterly. Was she just going on a long vacation,or moving away?

And..Now it's become hard to see each day,have you be so close and so far.Not able to touch you or tell you...

Their was a pause in the note,a space where he could hear her take a deep shaky breath like she always did when she had to talk in front of a crowd.

I love you..I love you..I love you.
I don't think it matters now,now that I'm dead.How weirded out you'll probably be...I knew,I always knew that if I told you you'd probably leave me.So I kept it quiet.I couldn't ever have you avoid me,hate me,not talk to me.

He probably would've,a while ago. But today..Today he'd come over to ask her out,even though he knew what his group would think. The note said more,but he silently crumpled it up,and walked over to her.
"It's my fault...It's my fault"
He gently brushed a few strands of hair from her face,and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead.
"I killed her.I killed Her."
Then with a wild laugh,he dialed 911.
"Hello?Can I have the police?" The operator hooked him up immediately,and the receptionist asked him why he was calling.
"I killed Ann Gamine" He said gleefully
There was a shocked reply on the other end of the phone.
"Yes!Yes I did!"He giggled,like a child playing a game, and the receptionist launched into a hysterical reply, but he hung up.
He returned the room, sliding her cold hand off the knife,with the same tenderness as the kiss, and then clenched his hand around the wooden hilt of the kitchen knife.
"I'm sorry"He whispered.
~
When the police arrived they found two bodies,the Gamine girl,and Westley Brennan. Both were killed the same way,with the same knife. There was general sadness over this,and a article in the paper,saying what a brilliant man Brennan could've been,and a short piece on Ms.Gamine, on her father,and kindness to fellow students. But it was soon forgotten,and it was almost as if the star-crossed pair had never lived or breathed.
And a crumpled piece of paper grew yellow with age,the sad words on it never read again

Aw, that's so sad. Good job though.

Aw,Thanks

That's so sad but it's so good... Wow, great job!

That's sad... but it's REALLY good!!

That made me sad, but great job!

Aw... that's so sad. But really really good!

Thank you!!
And sorry about the sadness...It spawns from depression,and the thought of telling my crush I like him..Which I think will happen like this

How weirded out you'll probably be...I knew,I always knew that if I told you you'd probably leave me.So I kept it quiet.I couldn't ever have you avoid me,hate me,not talk to me.

*Saaad*

Man, just that post you made above this one made me want to cry, because I feel the same.

Anywho, you did an awesome job writing this. x3 It's very deep, and totally bittersweet . . . however, I do have a few suggestions.
1. Make sure to put spaces after punctuation marks.
2. Make sure you're capitalizing things correctly; like, there was a line that went something like, "Blahblahblah," He said. The 'he' should've been lowercase.
3. Try and go a little more in-depth in the guy's thoughts. Like, it was a little confusing how he was suddenly acting crazy; I didn't get it entirely, cus one second he was sadly reading the letter, and the next he's going mad. Saying more about his thoughts would make that make a little more sense, I think.

Again, though, wonderful job.

Yeah...

1,2.Snappers.I always get those wrong.
3.Good point.I shall try.

Tankies

~EDIT~
Fixed.

1 and 2: That's fine! You'll get used to it with practice.

3: Cool.

Swelcome. x3

So my English teacher says....

She's right.

That was . . um. . .

Let me just tell you, suicide kinda disturbs me, and it's just so sad. . . Er, sometimes. I don't like it.

Ah, well, it was funny when he laughed.

I don't really mind it, actually

That's exactly the reaction I wanted.
Thanks Gri!

Star-crossed got nominated
I'm so happpy.