Critique Needed

by Silver 4/17/2010, 6:02 pm

I just wrote this post for a wolf character of mine on WI, and wanted to get it critiqued. Can't do that on WI, so I'm coming here to all you wonderful people! Drum roll please...

The salty tang of blood reached his nostrils and caused him to inhale deeply. Galaxy had just eaten before, but still his stomach rumbled with the heavy cloud of hunger. He flattened his ears against his skull, cursing himself for having a weakness that could be advantageous to this female. The little self-control he had left was put to use in quenching the internal rumblings of his belly.

He'd met another she-wolf before this one. He could still remember the hostility in her tone; that warm, silky voice raised in indignation because of his less than slow advances. Yet every time she had insulted him, and oh, how she had insulted him, every time it had left him wanting more. More of the same treatment? Maybe not. But it was her plain refusal towards him that made his body burn with an unquenchable fury. So he'd pursued her. The large brute with his dull eyes, set out after this unattainable creature. He'd almost had her too.

But then she'd disappeared. Without a trace, leaving him confused and more than slightly angered. Galaxy had run for days without stopping to eat; he had hoped it would stop the pain. But it hadn't. And he'd felt like a failure because of it. Now, as he stood here in the soft shadows of one of the taller trees in the forest, he could see his chance. The chance to redeem himself once more.

What would he say? Would he, could he, woo her slowly? He already knew he was as detached as the worst wolves; he'd given up his own pups because of the great boredom that always followed a relationship. They weren't relationships, he reminded himself. They were brief meetings, a mate here, another over there. Never did he fall in love with any of them, compatible or not. He had countless pups, but he never saw them again after they were born. He wouldn't see any of them either; being trapped in this human park for their amusement, he had been taken from all he had held dear. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

Galaxy had left countless broken hearts behind, but even with the ones that didn't care, he had left pups with them. Good mothers they may have been, but constant lovers, they hadn't been. So here he was, in a new place, with new wolves. A loner; no ties to keep him grounded, no packs that he had to adhere to. And countless new feas to keep him entertained.

He snapped back to the present and watched the wolf bite into the carcass with surprising grace. His eyes trailed her body as he thought of a good way to approach her. After running through several of his botched strategies, he settled on a simple plan. "Good catch." He wandered out of the shadow so that the front of his body was visible to her. He bit his tongue to keep any more comments from escaping. Maybe she wouldn't be hard.

by **shadowsowner888** 4/18/2010, 10:07 am

I think it's rather perfect. ^^ Maybe I missed something, but at least there wasn't obvious I can think of that you'd want to change!

Critique Needed

Critique Needed

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