Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
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Taylor_Potter
Akeria
iGrievous
Noah the Flood
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Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
(Okay, little note real quick. I am a VERY novice writter, but I thought I'd ake my RPing skills and turn them into writing. I know, some things could be changed, but hey, I'm working on it. So..just tell me what you think and I might continue)
Maturity - Romance, Kissing, BF/GF, fighting, violence, etc
Fantasy - Ghost, Spirits, Shadows
Have you ever thought about whats lurking in the darkness? If you are being watched? Wondered if there were things out there, not known to most humans? Well, I know the answers. I've known since I was six, ever since went to this preternatural cemetery. My name is Sam Elianan, and this is my story.
Chapters;
One - Below
Two - Page 2
Please tell me what you guys think, and if I should continue
BTW, I know, it could be longer. But hey. I'm working on it xD
*Title means The Sight in Italian. there will be alot of Italian references.
Maturity - Romance, Kissing, BF/GF, fighting, violence, etc
Fantasy - Ghost, Spirits, Shadows
Have you ever thought about whats lurking in the darkness? If you are being watched? Wondered if there were things out there, not known to most humans? Well, I know the answers. I've known since I was six, ever since went to this preternatural cemetery. My name is Sam Elianan, and this is my story.
Chapters;
One - Below
Two - Page 2
CHAPTER 1
Clunk-whack-clank-bump The boxes and funiture in the back of the trailer that was hitched onto our truck carried out a steady rythem that had put the little three year old beside me to sleep. "Mom...this place looks like one of those snobby rich nieghborhoods" I said, watching the houses go by out my window. The small sound of laughter caught my attention and I looked around, spotting a few girls watching me, three of the seven sticking out alittle. The first had long, brown hair that came to her shoulders in lenth with a black and pink headband holding it in place. Her skin was a fair color but her eyes struck me the most. She had brown eyes, but I saw the faintest trace of red in them. She was tall, probably taller then me, but most people were. The next one looked about the same age as the first, but alot different. She had dirty blonde hair and had it up in a messy ponytail. Her bangs fell slightly infront of her face and she had large, black rimmed glasses and she was abit shorter then the girl next to her. The last was probably the twin of the first. She was tall, with brown hair that was alittle shorter then the other girls. She had bright brown eyes that were large as she watched me like the other girls. Her skin was abit tanner then who I guessed was her sisters, but she looked almost the same.
We passed the girls, my mind still wondering about the three, and pulled up in a long, worn grey drive way and into a small, two car garage. The walls were cleaned, oddly, and there were a few stains on the floor.
The house outside was an modern style, but clearly had been thier forever. The front had a small porch with a porch swing on it that looked as if someone would sit on it and it would fall to pieces. The door was a dark brown wood color, along with the shudders in all the windows. It was three stories, including the attic that is. One thing that stood out was the old, cracked window that was the attic's only light sorce. The outside was old, faded brick with some black ones here and there, and finally, sticking out of the roof was a chimney. It gave off a warm feeling, but it was freaky to me. Most of the houses were like it here, but this one stood out.
"Dad, did you say something?" I asked, looking around as I got out of the car and looked around, running my fingers down the walls and shivering slightly at the odd touch.
"No. Must of been someone down the street" He grunted, opening up the trailer with all our stuff in it. I nodded and opened the door, catiously entering the building. It was nice..brown walls with a dark, off-white colored carpet and some hard-wood here and there. There was no furniture, but that would sooon change. And change again. And again. My mom was big on having everything in a certant spot, but she sometimes took forever to get it that way. Turning left I saw the door going into the kitchen, but decided to turn right and saw the stair case leading upstairs. With a sort of smile I quickly ran up the stairs, my converse making light thumpings on the carpeted steps. The stairs led to a long hallway with four doors, three bedrooms and a bathroom.
"Nice I guess" I muttered, looking in the rooms. The master bedroom was my parents I suposed and the other two were medium sized..but one grabbed hold of my attetion. The large window had a seeet infront of it and I smiled, the perfect spot to read or draw.
"I found wich room is mine!" I called downstairs, sitting on the small window seat. My head leaned against the wall and I closed my eyes, smiling as I drifted to sleep in the window.
A six year old Sam walked through the old cemetary, crying his tiny little eyes out. He had gotten lost from his parents and had wound up here somehow and it was scarring the pour child to death. He sat down against a tombstone and burried his head in his hands when he heard a voice
"Whats wrong little boy?" The voice was soft, but blood chilling at the same time
"I cwan't find mwy mwommy or dwaddy!" The little boy wailed. He had a speach problem at the time, so he couldn't saw most words correctly. Sam looked up with red eyes and screamed at the sight of the floating person infront of him.
"You can see me and hear me...you must have...the gift" He said, dissapearing as a cloaked figure appaeared a few feet away "Runn little boy! Run!" The ghost screamed, diving into the ground.
But before Sam could get up, the hooded figure grabbed him, staring into his eyes with its own red ones.
"Swammy! Swammy! Wake up!" Came the voice of a three year old, my little brother Jack, making my snap my head up, eyes wide
"What is so inportant?" I groaned, rubbing my eyes slightly so I could see the little boy better
"Dwinner is weady" he whispered in my face, his bright blue eyes wide.
"A'ight...I'll be ri'down" I mumbled, cmy words combining like they did at times.
"Okay!" he squealed, running downstairs. Dad had clearly already brougth my stuff inside, because sitting in the corner was my bed, next to it my dresser and across the room was my old desk with the storage cabnits. Boxes of what stuff I had piled against the wall, some already opened, probably by Jack. With a yawn, I walked downstairs, my eyes not seeing the shadow that moved from the dark to follow me downstairs, jumping into my own.
Clunk-whack-clank-bump The boxes and funiture in the back of the trailer that was hitched onto our truck carried out a steady rythem that had put the little three year old beside me to sleep. "Mom...this place looks like one of those snobby rich nieghborhoods" I said, watching the houses go by out my window. The small sound of laughter caught my attention and I looked around, spotting a few girls watching me, three of the seven sticking out alittle. The first had long, brown hair that came to her shoulders in lenth with a black and pink headband holding it in place. Her skin was a fair color but her eyes struck me the most. She had brown eyes, but I saw the faintest trace of red in them. She was tall, probably taller then me, but most people were. The next one looked about the same age as the first, but alot different. She had dirty blonde hair and had it up in a messy ponytail. Her bangs fell slightly infront of her face and she had large, black rimmed glasses and she was abit shorter then the girl next to her. The last was probably the twin of the first. She was tall, with brown hair that was alittle shorter then the other girls. She had bright brown eyes that were large as she watched me like the other girls. Her skin was abit tanner then who I guessed was her sisters, but she looked almost the same.
We passed the girls, my mind still wondering about the three, and pulled up in a long, worn grey drive way and into a small, two car garage. The walls were cleaned, oddly, and there were a few stains on the floor.
The house outside was an modern style, but clearly had been thier forever. The front had a small porch with a porch swing on it that looked as if someone would sit on it and it would fall to pieces. The door was a dark brown wood color, along with the shudders in all the windows. It was three stories, including the attic that is. One thing that stood out was the old, cracked window that was the attic's only light sorce. The outside was old, faded brick with some black ones here and there, and finally, sticking out of the roof was a chimney. It gave off a warm feeling, but it was freaky to me. Most of the houses were like it here, but this one stood out.
"Dad, did you say something?" I asked, looking around as I got out of the car and looked around, running my fingers down the walls and shivering slightly at the odd touch.
"No. Must of been someone down the street" He grunted, opening up the trailer with all our stuff in it. I nodded and opened the door, catiously entering the building. It was nice..brown walls with a dark, off-white colored carpet and some hard-wood here and there. There was no furniture, but that would sooon change. And change again. And again. My mom was big on having everything in a certant spot, but she sometimes took forever to get it that way. Turning left I saw the door going into the kitchen, but decided to turn right and saw the stair case leading upstairs. With a sort of smile I quickly ran up the stairs, my converse making light thumpings on the carpeted steps. The stairs led to a long hallway with four doors, three bedrooms and a bathroom.
"Nice I guess" I muttered, looking in the rooms. The master bedroom was my parents I suposed and the other two were medium sized..but one grabbed hold of my attetion. The large window had a seeet infront of it and I smiled, the perfect spot to read or draw.
"I found wich room is mine!" I called downstairs, sitting on the small window seat. My head leaned against the wall and I closed my eyes, smiling as I drifted to sleep in the window.
A six year old Sam walked through the old cemetary, crying his tiny little eyes out. He had gotten lost from his parents and had wound up here somehow and it was scarring the pour child to death. He sat down against a tombstone and burried his head in his hands when he heard a voice
"Whats wrong little boy?" The voice was soft, but blood chilling at the same time
"I cwan't find mwy mwommy or dwaddy!" The little boy wailed. He had a speach problem at the time, so he couldn't saw most words correctly. Sam looked up with red eyes and screamed at the sight of the floating person infront of him.
"You can see me and hear me...you must have...the gift" He said, dissapearing as a cloaked figure appaeared a few feet away "Runn little boy! Run!" The ghost screamed, diving into the ground.
But before Sam could get up, the hooded figure grabbed him, staring into his eyes with its own red ones.
"Swammy! Swammy! Wake up!" Came the voice of a three year old, my little brother Jack, making my snap my head up, eyes wide
"What is so inportant?" I groaned, rubbing my eyes slightly so I could see the little boy better
"Dwinner is weady" he whispered in my face, his bright blue eyes wide.
"A'ight...I'll be ri'down" I mumbled, cmy words combining like they did at times.
"Okay!" he squealed, running downstairs. Dad had clearly already brougth my stuff inside, because sitting in the corner was my bed, next to it my dresser and across the room was my old desk with the storage cabnits. Boxes of what stuff I had piled against the wall, some already opened, probably by Jack. With a yawn, I walked downstairs, my eyes not seeing the shadow that moved from the dark to follow me downstairs, jumping into my own.
Please tell me what you guys think, and if I should continue
BTW, I know, it could be longer. But hey. I'm working on it xD
*Title means The Sight in Italian. there will be alot of Italian references.
Last edited by Snakeboy on 9/4/2009, 7:13 pm; edited 3 times in total
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
- Posts : 10544
Join date : 2009-07-05
Age : 28
Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
I like it, but is Sam the guy from the first part of the chapter, or someone else? Who was the guy in the beginning of the chapter?
It wasn't the best, but you'll probably get better. It was good.
It wasn't the best, but you'll probably get better. It was good.
iGrievous- Well-Known Author
- Posts : 4596
Join date : 2009-06-08
Age : 27
Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Yes, Sam is the main character of the book and it will be from his point of view
And thanks! Thats good to here, and yeah, I know it wasn't the best.
And thanks! Thats good to here, and yeah, I know it wasn't the best.
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
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Age : 28
Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Okay, that was a little bit confusing there.
iGrievous- Well-Known Author
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Age : 27
Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
It's a good start. One thing to watch would be your grammar and punctuation, because a few of your sentences don't have periods. Just watch that for the future. I like the story so far, though.
Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Yeah, grammers never been my strong point...
But thanks!
But thanks!
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
No problem. I'm a grammarholic. I use waaaaaaaaay too many commas and everything...
Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Makes two of us Akeria!
Great story so far, Prongs, very mysterious!
Great story so far, Prongs, very mysterious!
Taylor_Potter- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Thanks Tay!!!
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Awesome, Fwefy!
The Mad Hatter- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Its short, but oh well. I'm not THAT tallented of a story writer
Chapter 2
"So, how do you like your room Sam?" My dad asked at we sat around the table, plates before us. On my plate was broccoli, pasta, mushrooms, and carrots. If you didn't know, I was a vegetarian, along with my mom. My brother and dad however, couldn't stand the thought of being one.
"Its okay I guess" I replied, spearing a piece of broccoli with a fork "I like the old house better"
"We know you do, but we couldn't afford the farm anymore" Mom said, smiling. She was a pretty women, with tan skin and blond hair that came to her back. Her eyes were bright blue, like my brothers, and always sparkling. My dad had black curly hair with a faint beard. His skin was darkly tanned from his job, a construction worker. His eyes were blue also, like my brothers and mom's.
My hair was a light blond color with my dad's curl to it, my mom said I had the hair the color of her dads. My eyes, however, are the oddest out of our family. They are a bright green color that at times, have a blue-grey tint. My skin is slightly tanned, but I burn easily also.
"I'm gonna ride my bike" I said, finishing my supper and running out the door before they could say otherwise.
There it was, my favorite thing. The colors were my favorites, black, blue, and green. The wheels where a bright neon green along with the handlebars, and the rest was black with a blue seat.
Yes, I know, its a very odd combination, but I love it with all my heart. Riding a bike was like flying to me, the wind running through my hair, the thought of being able to free myself from this prison we call gravity.
With a happy sigh, I mounted my bike and took off down the short driveway we had. Which was nothing like our old house.
See, we used to live on this huge farm with pastures, and the longest gravel driveway imaginable. It was my favorite place in the world, just riding through the grass and passing by the few cows we had, racing our only horse even at times.
Continuing down the black asphalt outside our house and down the street, I thought about those girls I had seen earlier..and that was when I saw them again
All three of them were goofing off outside the one house, taking pictures and all sorts of things. They stopped as I rode by, all their giggling stopped to, but they were smiling. Then their smiles stopped and before I realized what what happening, I heard the words "WATCH OUT!" and my whole world was spinning. The bike had hit a snag in the ground, and sent me flying, until I finally landed in a bush with a groan.
"Are you okay?" Came three voices as once as the girls stood over me, well..I thought it was three. Right now it looked like there was about 12 of them.
"Yeah" I didn't realize this was my own voice, for it was raspy, as I was still trying to catch my breathe.
I felt a light delicate hand take mine in it, and looked to see one of the girls trying to help me stand up
"I'm Heather" She said with a smile
"And I'm Julie" The blonde one giggled
"And I'm Taylor" The last one said
"Sam" I panted out, trying to pick all the leaves off my long sleeve black t-shirt
"Did you just move in?" HEather asked as she tried to help but I glared slightly. I didn't like people touching me.
"Yeah. We moved in earlier this afternoon" I muttered, looking up as I ajusted my glasses and my hair that was spiked up in the front, but the curls almost dismissed that
"Thats cool. Welcome to the nieghborhood" Julie said with a bright smile, adjusting her own black rimmed glasses.
"Thanks" I replied, grabbing my bike and standing it up. "I uhm, gotta go, bye" I muttered before walking down the sidewalk towards my house, turning a dark shade of red because I was so embarresed.
~
"How was the ride?" My mom asked as I entered the house
"Not so bad..fell into a bush, met three girls" Came my muttered reply as I sat down on the couch, near were Jack was playing with two dinosaur toys
"Gwirls? Do you have a gwirlfwiend Swammy?"
"No, I do not squirt" I sighed, closing my eyes
"Why?"
"Why do you ask so many questions?"
"Cwause I wanna know why!"
"I don't know why Jack!"
"Okay, Mr. Gwummpy" He muttered, stalking off towards his bedroom.
"Gah. Hormonal three year old" I laughed, relaxing in the quite before falling asleep, not knowing my life would change even more tomarrow.
Chapter 2
"So, how do you like your room Sam?" My dad asked at we sat around the table, plates before us. On my plate was broccoli, pasta, mushrooms, and carrots. If you didn't know, I was a vegetarian, along with my mom. My brother and dad however, couldn't stand the thought of being one.
"Its okay I guess" I replied, spearing a piece of broccoli with a fork "I like the old house better"
"We know you do, but we couldn't afford the farm anymore" Mom said, smiling. She was a pretty women, with tan skin and blond hair that came to her back. Her eyes were bright blue, like my brothers, and always sparkling. My dad had black curly hair with a faint beard. His skin was darkly tanned from his job, a construction worker. His eyes were blue also, like my brothers and mom's.
My hair was a light blond color with my dad's curl to it, my mom said I had the hair the color of her dads. My eyes, however, are the oddest out of our family. They are a bright green color that at times, have a blue-grey tint. My skin is slightly tanned, but I burn easily also.
"I'm gonna ride my bike" I said, finishing my supper and running out the door before they could say otherwise.
There it was, my favorite thing. The colors were my favorites, black, blue, and green. The wheels where a bright neon green along with the handlebars, and the rest was black with a blue seat.
Yes, I know, its a very odd combination, but I love it with all my heart. Riding a bike was like flying to me, the wind running through my hair, the thought of being able to free myself from this prison we call gravity.
With a happy sigh, I mounted my bike and took off down the short driveway we had. Which was nothing like our old house.
See, we used to live on this huge farm with pastures, and the longest gravel driveway imaginable. It was my favorite place in the world, just riding through the grass and passing by the few cows we had, racing our only horse even at times.
Continuing down the black asphalt outside our house and down the street, I thought about those girls I had seen earlier..and that was when I saw them again
All three of them were goofing off outside the one house, taking pictures and all sorts of things. They stopped as I rode by, all their giggling stopped to, but they were smiling. Then their smiles stopped and before I realized what what happening, I heard the words "WATCH OUT!" and my whole world was spinning. The bike had hit a snag in the ground, and sent me flying, until I finally landed in a bush with a groan.
"Are you okay?" Came three voices as once as the girls stood over me, well..I thought it was three. Right now it looked like there was about 12 of them.
"Yeah" I didn't realize this was my own voice, for it was raspy, as I was still trying to catch my breathe.
I felt a light delicate hand take mine in it, and looked to see one of the girls trying to help me stand up
"I'm Heather" She said with a smile
"And I'm Julie" The blonde one giggled
"And I'm Taylor" The last one said
"Sam" I panted out, trying to pick all the leaves off my long sleeve black t-shirt
"Did you just move in?" HEather asked as she tried to help but I glared slightly. I didn't like people touching me.
"Yeah. We moved in earlier this afternoon" I muttered, looking up as I ajusted my glasses and my hair that was spiked up in the front, but the curls almost dismissed that
"Thats cool. Welcome to the nieghborhood" Julie said with a bright smile, adjusting her own black rimmed glasses.
"Thanks" I replied, grabbing my bike and standing it up. "I uhm, gotta go, bye" I muttered before walking down the sidewalk towards my house, turning a dark shade of red because I was so embarresed.
~
"How was the ride?" My mom asked as I entered the house
"Not so bad..fell into a bush, met three girls" Came my muttered reply as I sat down on the couch, near were Jack was playing with two dinosaur toys
"Gwirls? Do you have a gwirlfwiend Swammy?"
"No, I do not squirt" I sighed, closing my eyes
"Why?"
"Why do you ask so many questions?"
"Cwause I wanna know why!"
"I don't know why Jack!"
"Okay, Mr. Gwummpy" He muttered, stalking off towards his bedroom.
"Gah. Hormonal three year old" I laughed, relaxing in the quite before falling asleep, not knowing my life would change even more tomarrow.
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Ooh! Your story's really good so far! *smiles*
Miss_Alice- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Thanks Shadow! I might update it later, cause I wanna make each chapter at the least 1000 words, and the first chapter is 997 and the second one is 800 and something.
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
You must write more, or I shall attack you with shovel. xD
No pressure...
No pressure...
The Mad Hatter- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
When shall you add more? xD
The Mad Hatter- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
I dunno, sometime next week, probably xD
I've got alot on my plate
I've got alot on my plate
Noah the Flood- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Me too, man, me too. xD
The Mad Hatter- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Well finish eating then, Noah. You've got people waiting!
(Haha, sorry. xD I couldn't resist.)
(Haha, sorry. xD I couldn't resist.)
rattyjol- Best-Selling Author
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Re: Il Vista by Noah CHAPTER TWO ADDED
Please write more.
Miss_Alice- Best-Selling Author
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