The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
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The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by shadowsowner888 10/26/2009, 10:13 pm
I finally got up before nine again. xD
I mess up my sleeping schedule by staying up long enough to blog. Which is part of the reason I’d stopped for a while. But even though I was up until midnight, which is about half an hour later than usual, I got up at like seven thirty. xD
Aaaaaand my timer went off. >.>
I had a boring day. It was Bella’s birthday, which means of course everyone treated her like a complete princess. It makes me jealous, because just of the stuff I actually care about, the stuff I never get.
I don’t care about choosing what’s for dinner, or anything like that. I want to be able to use the computer literally all day for once without any crap. I want to not have to do anything after dinner for once, instead of having to do almost the whole kitchen since nobody else besides Gri actually does any work without putting up a fight, and I’m the only one that actually tries to finish everything so I can leave.
I dunno, I guess I’m just in a bad mood. And I need to probably admit it to myself, instead of tuning out my memories with more crap.
Last night at teen club, that whole situation with Danielle forcefully “giving me advice?” Psh, I wanted to protect myself from feeling like an idiot, even though I still do, so I didn’t really tell you guys the whole story.
See, I was talking with my friend, and Jamie was standing nearby, but turned away or not talking with us or something, and I’m like, “I wrote songs! Songs about Jamie, when I still liked him!” Cus that’s the friend I was in a band with, so I need to tell her that stuff.
Well, unluckily for me, Danielle had walked up just at that moment. So she was like, “WOAH! o.0 You do NOT say that.” Idk what my response was, but probably saying, “Why? *raised eyebrow kind of look*” Cus then she was like, “Cus it’s weird.”
See, that’s the problem with Danny. She’s nice enough, and she’s always ready to tell me stuff about boys - the problem is just that her methods involve changing yourself to become someone else, hiding things from your parents, messing around and playing “mind games” with the boys, stuff like that.
Nobody else was even reacting like that, though. I didn’t get to see Jamie’s face, but he didn’t seem to react negatively. He probably didn’t care, or was just too embarrassed to say anything - but he’s a Beastboy kind of guy. I can’t picture him getting all embarrassed by that, just kinda sheepish and acting more tough for being talked about by a girl like that. Ya know? And my friend just laughed.
But Danny had to come in and totally kill my buzz. >.> So I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours feeling like a total idiot, because even though I know what happened happened and that even though maybe I could be a little less straightforward about things and this might’ve just screwed things up, it makes me feel insecure.
But I don’t want that. I’m perfectly happy with having said that, and I wouldn’t even be worrying if it weren’t for Danny being too assertive. But now I’m probably not gonna feel exactly right until I see Jamie again and prove to myself that I don’t totally weird him out. (Though he wasn’t acting weird the rest of the night . . .)
Okay, so yup, that’s done. I needed to get that out. And now I can admit what an idiot I feel like I was.
(I don’t really like admitting to emotional mistakes. xD Like, if I’d said something really wrong, instead of just something that was wrong because it was stupid, then I’d be more willing to admit it. But when it comes down to things that stem more from my personality, I don’t like to admit mistakes.
And now I’m not even sure whether it was a mistake.
But things happen for a reason, I guess. So whatever happens will happen, and I’m not going to die, and I still have all my girlfriends and Twigfriends even if Jamie (and possibly Joe, if he tells Joe this kinda stuff) think I’m a creep.
But man, I seriously have a type now. I call it “the Beastboy type.” (Idk who’s gonna read this, but out of all the people on Twig, I’m pretty sure Ruki and Snakey (and of course Gri) know who I mean, at the last.) It’s like, goofy guys that have wimpy tendencies, but that just makes them even braver when they do act courageous. They’re funny in a cracking-lame-jokes-all-the-time way, and the awkwardness that comes from that makes them really cute. They know how to have a good time, especially thanks to all their energy, and - best of all - they’re really kind and sweet when it comes down to it, and when they like a girl, they’ll do their best to make her feel really special. But otherwise they’re total flirts.
Jamie = Beastboy.
So my type, whether I still like Jamie or not. xD
Only problem is, I don’t exactly know any boys my age besides Jamie like that.
Which is just a good a reason as any to not be crushing, I suppose. Cus we all know I can’t go back to Jamie.
Okay, I’m gonna have a brainstorm of all the guys I know like that. xD Maybe I’ll be able to find a new crush, but most likely not, I guess.
Pathetically, that’s it.
I still need to finish planning my secondary Nanowrimo novel . . . I need to finish Damian’s (formerly known as Bane) character notes; all I have is his age and full name. xP And I need my setting, plot, and probably something about the harpies and gargoyles . . . ouuugh. I have a lot to do.
At least it’s only my secondary novel. So I don’t have to worry as much about it. But I like it more than the first one, sadly. xD The first one being the one about Superboy Delusion.
I better start calling them by their names, though. So from now on, the one about the girl who runs away after the band is called Desperate, and the one about Damian is Falling.
I still don’t have a costume. I think my mom’s finally giving in, though. So I need a fake mustache and a pair of vampire fangs now. See, since Halloween’s on a Saturday, people will actually be home if we start trick-or-treating before the party. So, it won’t be a total waste!
I got the New Moon soundtrack. None of the songs are really calling out to me; they’re okay, and it’s not like I don’t like any of them in particular, but so far what I’ve had time to listen to is depressing. I mean, you’d expect that, but still. xD I think the first soundtrack was better.
I want Sims 3 really bad. How I see it, I have three options - considering I can even convince my mom to let me get it.
1: Christmas (Speaking of which, I felt like a jerk earlier. Cus my dad was taking money, out of the money I was saving, for gas money, since we keep our savings money that isn’t in the bank in the same place, and he wasn’t really paying attention to which was whose. So I had about a hundred dollars missing, and I was kinda upset about it when I told Mom and Dad that I should’ve had more money in there. So Mom told me to go take a hundred dollars from the Christmas money and put it in mine. And so, yah. They were really nice about it and stuff, but now I feel bad, just cus . . . well, even if I don’t necessarily care as much as I used to about presents and stuff, I don’t want us to have a bad Christmas just because of everyone else being ungrateful about getting little or no presents.
And cus we don’t even make a lot of money . . . it’s like, we’re probably not gonna get that hundred dollars for Christmas money earned again any time soon. It feels like it’s up to me to make sure everyone else is content.)
2. My birthday. (I’d feel bad if I got it, though. xD Cus while we’d kinda have like more money each to have spent on us for Christmas, the last two birthdays we had, all they got was a Webkinz from Mom and Dad. And whatever other presents the kids bought for those people, which was usually someone pitching in with me to get something else for them cus nobody else makes as much money as I do. So unless everyone pitched in an equal ten dollars, Bella and Zach and Gri and Mom and Dad, I’d feel bad that they got it for me.)
3. Splurging. (Out of my spending money I’ve been saving. I have a hundred dollars exactly. But the problem is, that’s my iPod Touch money . . . and I’d be buying The Sims from the Apple store, so I’d be rubbing it in to myself about what I don’t have yet. >.> So I’d rather wait until I get the iTouch first. Especially since they’re coming out with a nice, pretty new one that has a video camera and microphone built in.
)
Well, I can try asking for it for Christmas, I guess. And if not, I’ll just wait it out. xD
But life isn’t all about presents. Heck, I don’t even care that much about stuff to be honest; I wouldn’t care if we didn’t get anything. But if somebody gets something and I don’t, well, that makes me jealous. Because I don’t like feeling unappreciated.
Only problem is, my mom sees that as being greedy. That’s not what it is - is it? I just want to know that they love me just as much as everyone else. It’s not like I’m demanding that they give me the best present or anything like that!
Man, Christmas makes me feel like a real jerk. No matter what I do, I always wind up feeling like an ungrateful jerk, even when I thank everyone. And why? Because of my mom. She calls me one all the time.
But I found out that I might not have it off so bad after all. Compared to other people.
That doesn’t mean I like my mom’s antics any more than I did, though. >.>
I mess up my sleeping schedule by staying up long enough to blog. Which is part of the reason I’d stopped for a while. But even though I was up until midnight, which is about half an hour later than usual, I got up at like seven thirty. xD
Aaaaaand my timer went off. >.>
I had a boring day. It was Bella’s birthday, which means of course everyone treated her like a complete princess. It makes me jealous, because just of the stuff I actually care about, the stuff I never get.
I don’t care about choosing what’s for dinner, or anything like that. I want to be able to use the computer literally all day for once without any crap. I want to not have to do anything after dinner for once, instead of having to do almost the whole kitchen since nobody else besides Gri actually does any work without putting up a fight, and I’m the only one that actually tries to finish everything so I can leave.
I dunno, I guess I’m just in a bad mood. And I need to probably admit it to myself, instead of tuning out my memories with more crap.
Last night at teen club, that whole situation with Danielle forcefully “giving me advice?” Psh, I wanted to protect myself from feeling like an idiot, even though I still do, so I didn’t really tell you guys the whole story.
See, I was talking with my friend, and Jamie was standing nearby, but turned away or not talking with us or something, and I’m like, “I wrote songs! Songs about Jamie, when I still liked him!” Cus that’s the friend I was in a band with, so I need to tell her that stuff.
Well, unluckily for me, Danielle had walked up just at that moment. So she was like, “WOAH! o.0 You do NOT say that.” Idk what my response was, but probably saying, “Why? *raised eyebrow kind of look*” Cus then she was like, “Cus it’s weird.”
See, that’s the problem with Danny. She’s nice enough, and she’s always ready to tell me stuff about boys - the problem is just that her methods involve changing yourself to become someone else, hiding things from your parents, messing around and playing “mind games” with the boys, stuff like that.
Nobody else was even reacting like that, though. I didn’t get to see Jamie’s face, but he didn’t seem to react negatively. He probably didn’t care, or was just too embarrassed to say anything - but he’s a Beastboy kind of guy. I can’t picture him getting all embarrassed by that, just kinda sheepish and acting more tough for being talked about by a girl like that. Ya know? And my friend just laughed.
But Danny had to come in and totally kill my buzz. >.> So I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours feeling like a total idiot, because even though I know what happened happened and that even though maybe I could be a little less straightforward about things and this might’ve just screwed things up, it makes me feel insecure.
But I don’t want that. I’m perfectly happy with having said that, and I wouldn’t even be worrying if it weren’t for Danny being too assertive. But now I’m probably not gonna feel exactly right until I see Jamie again and prove to myself that I don’t totally weird him out. (Though he wasn’t acting weird the rest of the night . . .)
Okay, so yup, that’s done. I needed to get that out. And now I can admit what an idiot I feel like I was.
(I don’t really like admitting to emotional mistakes. xD Like, if I’d said something really wrong, instead of just something that was wrong because it was stupid, then I’d be more willing to admit it. But when it comes down to things that stem more from my personality, I don’t like to admit mistakes.And now I’m not even sure whether it was a mistake.
But things happen for a reason, I guess. So whatever happens will happen, and I’m not going to die, and I still have all my girlfriends and Twigfriends even if Jamie (and possibly Joe, if he tells Joe this kinda stuff) think I’m a creep.
But man, I seriously have a type now. I call it “the Beastboy type.” (Idk who’s gonna read this, but out of all the people on Twig, I’m pretty sure Ruki and Snakey (and of course Gri) know who I mean, at the last.) It’s like, goofy guys that have wimpy tendencies, but that just makes them even braver when they do act courageous. They’re funny in a cracking-lame-jokes-all-the-time way, and the awkwardness that comes from that makes them really cute. They know how to have a good time, especially thanks to all their energy, and - best of all - they’re really kind and sweet when it comes down to it, and when they like a girl, they’ll do their best to make her feel really special. But otherwise they’re total flirts.
Jamie = Beastboy.
So my type, whether I still like Jamie or not. xD
Only problem is, I don’t exactly know any boys my age besides Jamie like that.
Which is just a good a reason as any to not be crushing, I suppose. Cus we all know I can’t go back to Jamie.Okay, I’m gonna have a brainstorm of all the guys I know like that. xD Maybe I’ll be able to find a new crush, but most likely not, I guess.
- Beastboy
- Jamie
- Joe Jonas? (Not so sure he can be wimpy, but I think he matches the rest.)
- Joe Ateara? (Maybe halfway a Beastboy. Cus he’s funny, knows how to have a good time, sweet . . . naw, actually, not so much. He’s a different type, even though he’s really awesome. :3)
- My dad (Yeah, that’s gonna help me. xP)
Pathetically, that’s it.
I still need to finish planning my secondary Nanowrimo novel . . . I need to finish Damian’s (formerly known as Bane) character notes; all I have is his age and full name. xP And I need my setting, plot, and probably something about the harpies and gargoyles . . . ouuugh. I have a lot to do.
At least it’s only my secondary novel. So I don’t have to worry as much about it. But I like it more than the first one, sadly. xD The first one being the one about Superboy Delusion.
I better start calling them by their names, though. So from now on, the one about the girl who runs away after the band is called Desperate, and the one about Damian is Falling.
I still don’t have a costume. I think my mom’s finally giving in, though. So I need a fake mustache and a pair of vampire fangs now. See, since Halloween’s on a Saturday, people will actually be home if we start trick-or-treating before the party.
So, it won’t be a total waste!I got the New Moon soundtrack. None of the songs are really calling out to me; they’re okay, and it’s not like I don’t like any of them in particular, but so far what I’ve had time to listen to is depressing. I mean, you’d expect that, but still. xD I think the first soundtrack was better.
I want Sims 3 really bad. How I see it, I have three options - considering I can even convince my mom to let me get it.
1: Christmas (Speaking of which, I felt like a jerk earlier. Cus my dad was taking money, out of the money I was saving, for gas money, since we keep our savings money that isn’t in the bank in the same place, and he wasn’t really paying attention to which was whose. So I had about a hundred dollars missing, and I was kinda upset about it when I told Mom and Dad that I should’ve had more money in there. So Mom told me to go take a hundred dollars from the Christmas money and put it in mine. And so, yah. They were really nice about it and stuff, but now I feel bad, just cus . . . well, even if I don’t necessarily care as much as I used to about presents and stuff, I don’t want us to have a bad Christmas just because of everyone else being ungrateful about getting little or no presents.
And cus we don’t even make a lot of money . . . it’s like, we’re probably not gonna get that hundred dollars for Christmas money earned again any time soon. It feels like it’s up to me to make sure everyone else is content.)2. My birthday. (I’d feel bad if I got it, though. xD Cus while we’d kinda have like more money each to have spent on us for Christmas, the last two birthdays we had, all they got was a Webkinz from Mom and Dad. And whatever other presents the kids bought for those people, which was usually someone pitching in with me to get something else for them cus nobody else makes as much money as I do. So unless everyone pitched in an equal ten dollars, Bella and Zach and Gri and Mom and Dad, I’d feel bad that they got it for me.
)3. Splurging. (Out of my spending money I’ve been saving. I have a hundred dollars exactly. But the problem is, that’s my iPod Touch money . . . and I’d be buying The Sims from the Apple store, so I’d be rubbing it in to myself about what I don’t have yet. >.> So I’d rather wait until I get the iTouch first. Especially since they’re coming out with a nice, pretty new one that has a video camera and microphone built in.
)Well, I can try asking for it for Christmas, I guess. And if not, I’ll just wait it out. xD
But life isn’t all about presents.
Heck, I don’t even care that much about stuff to be honest; I wouldn’t care if we didn’t get anything. But if somebody gets something and I don’t, well, that makes me jealous. Because I don’t like feeling unappreciated.Only problem is, my mom sees that as being greedy.
That’s not what it is - is it? I just want to know that they love me just as much as everyone else. It’s not like I’m demanding that they give me the best present or anything like that! Man, Christmas makes me feel like a real jerk.
No matter what I do, I always wind up feeling like an ungrateful jerk, even when I thank everyone. And why? Because of my mom. She calls me one all the time.But I found out that I might not have it off so bad after all. Compared to other people.
That doesn’t mean I like my mom’s antics any more than I did, though. >.>
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Re: The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by Arianna 10/27/2009, 2:42 am
Don't worry, Shad. It's not the end of the world if you don't get the Sims 3.
Christmas makes me feel like a jerk too, though. I want something for months, and then then second I get it... I hate it. It's boring. It's not what I expected.
And usually it's expensive stuff, too. Like a make-it-yourself robot (it said it would take 8 hours to make... so I never actually made it. xP) or another robot which was really obnoxious (IDK why I liked robots. And about the robot being 'obnoxious', it spoke in a really rude and loud voice. xD)
So yeah. Christmas isn't really that fun for me. And it's not like I'm really celebrating it, you know, 'cause I'm an atheist.
Christmas makes me feel like a jerk too, though. I want something for months, and then then second I get it... I hate it. It's boring. It's not what I expected.
And usually it's expensive stuff, too. Like a make-it-yourself robot (it said it would take 8 hours to make... so I never actually made it. xP) or another robot which was really obnoxious (IDK why I liked robots. And about the robot being 'obnoxious', it spoke in a really rude and loud voice. xD)
So yeah. Christmas isn't really that fun for me. And it's not like I'm really celebrating it, you know, 'cause I'm an atheist.
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Re: The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by shadowsowner888 10/27/2009, 5:55 pm
Lol, I know. xD I just get a bit obsessive when I want something.
Lol, I see what you mean about the atheism, and the gifts.
I feel like I've gotten a lot more mature about Christmas, at least. Cus if I even care about being a jerk then that means I've grown up, right? xD And I don't care totally about gifts for me, anymore. Like, I'll make a list and give 'em out to anyone who asks and stuff, but I'm only expecting to get gifts anymore from my sibs when we work out the whole, "Okay, I'll buy this for you and you and you if you'll all pitch in to get this for me."
Oooh, I can suddenly see The Sims 3 in my future . . . *.*
And I'm not as . . . um . . . naive? . . . about gifts as I was. Now, my lists are a lot shorter, and I only have things I really want and know I'll keep using. For example, an iPod Touch (xD), The Sims 3 (computer addict here
), and the newer Batman DVDs. (I shouldn't need to explain that. xD)
I like growing up. xD
Lol, I see what you mean about the atheism, and the gifts.
I feel like I've gotten a lot more mature about Christmas, at least.
Cus if I even care about being a jerk then that means I've grown up, right? xD And I don't care totally about gifts for me, anymore. Like, I'll make a list and give 'em out to anyone who asks and stuff, but I'm only expecting to get gifts anymore from my sibs when we work out the whole, "Okay, I'll buy this for you and you and you if you'll all pitch in to get this for me."Oooh, I can suddenly see The Sims 3 in my future . . . *.*
And I'm not as . . . um . . . naive? . . . about gifts as I was. Now, my lists are a lot shorter, and I only have things I really want and know I'll keep using. For example, an iPod Touch (xD), The Sims 3 (computer addict here
), and the newer Batman DVDs. (I shouldn't need to explain that. xD)I like growing up. xD
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Re: The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by Komoda 10/27/2009, 8:53 pm
I dun think you should feel greedy or anything about wanting gifts for Christmas. I mean, I think we all like gifts, right? Just remember, you're only human. Like really, if we didn't sin, we wouldn't be human. No human can possibly never feel greed, lust, gluttony, jealousy, wrath, sloth, or vanity in their life time. I mean, even the awesome people like Mother Theresa had to learn not to be like that, right? Not meaning to insult her, but I'm sure she felt wrath or jealousy or greed when she was younger and didn't know better.
Moral of the story: There's nothing wrong with wanting presents.
Even though I kinda went off track...
But anywho, great blog. And dun worry if Jamie thinks you're a creep... It's not the end of the world. XP Just show him that you aren't, and move on as if you never liked him. Then he'll get all jealous. 
That's what I did with Alec... Except, I dun think he's jealous, but I bet he misses feeling loved.
Though he gets enough loving from Mallory... *angry face*
Lol, anyway...
And as for Danny, she can go stick her head in a hole.
Moral of the story: There's nothing wrong with wanting presents.
Even though I kinda went off track...
But anywho, great blog.
And dun worry if Jamie thinks you're a creep... It's not the end of the world. XP Just show him that you aren't, and move on as if you never liked him. Then he'll get all jealous. That's what I did with Alec... Except, I dun think he's jealous, but I bet he misses feeling loved.
Though he gets enough loving from Mallory... *angry face*
Lol, anyway...
And as for Danny, she can go stick her head in a hole.
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Re: The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by shadowsowner888 10/27/2009, 9:15 pm
Thanks Mo. Lol, you do have a point. I still feel bad, though. xD
Thanks! OMG, that would be awesome. xDD I've always wanted a guy to have a crush on me. And yah, it's not the end of the world, cus I like don't even have a crush on him anymore. It's not like I blurted out, "I wrote songs about Jamie cus I like him!!" xD
Nice. xDD
Mallory can stick her head in a hole. And thanks. I needed to hear something like that. xD
Lol, you do have a point. I still feel bad, though. xDThanks! OMG, that would be awesome. xDD I've always wanted a guy to have a crush on me. And yah, it's not the end of the world, cus I like don't even have a crush on him anymore.
It's not like I blurted out, "I wrote songs about Jamie cus I like him!!" xDNice. xDD
Mallory can stick her head in a hole.
And thanks. I needed to hear something like that. xD
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Re: The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by Komoda 10/27/2009, 9:21 pm
Yeah, well that's alright. 
Haha, no kidding. XP And I'm sure guys have had crushes on you, you just didn't know it.
Lol, you're welcome. And thanks! XD
Haha, no kidding. XP And I'm sure guys have had crushes on you, you just didn't know it.
Lol, you're welcome. And thanks! XD
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Re: The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!
by shadowsowner888 10/27/2009, 9:31 pm
>.> But what good does that do me? I wanna actually - oh, wait, there was Zach. I think we liked each other before we actually know what crushing was.
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