Snippets

Well, This thread isn't a bunch of pre-made pieces of writing, as you can see. There will be, I hope. Anyways, this is my writing as it goes, before I finish, and before I cap it off with some editing and revising and showing y'all. Sort of like a living documentary. You'll see my crappy first sentences, me finish it, edit, revise, then have it reviewed.
Sounds like an interesting experiment, I hope?
Lets begin.


~~~~~*~~~~~~
I looked around the stuccoed corner. She was there, on her back watching the clouds in the bright new mexican sky.I watched peacefully as the world spun around her like it should.
Then she closed her eyes, and whispered to herself, fingering the beautiful white scarf. Then she smiled and sat up to face me, the laughter rising in her bright eyes.
"Christopher!"
She referred to everyone by there first names, in a a crisp northerner accent.
I got up, walked over, a sheepish smile swallowing me whole. I thank my tan for not showing my redness.
"Hey, Les"
She nodded.
"Whatcha doing over here with little ol' me?"
She replicated a flawless southern accent with her last words. She could slip into as easily as breathing, and she had lived in the north up until the last three months.
"Not much" I said breathlessly "Um.."
She reached out and ruffled my dark hair.
"Now don'choo git awl worked up 'bout it hun bun"
"Um, Right"
This said, I laughed a bit at her imitation of her step mother.She'd poke fun at anything
~~~
Critisism, much, much appreciated.

I like it!

In general, the snippet does need editing . . . that's normal, though, considering this is its first draft. xD Specifically, here's what I noticed:
In the second paragraph, you started both sentences with 'there.' It kinda makes it sound awkward, so I'd recommend changing the wording of one so they're not both starting the same.
In the line "she referred to everyone by there first names . . .", 'there' should be 'their.'
When they're speaking, it can be a little confusing to figure out which one's talking; I would change that by combining some of the paragraphs like this, just as an example: "I got up, walked over, a sheepish smile swallowing me whole. I thank my tan for not showing my redness. 'Hey, Les.' "
In the sentence starting with "She could slip into . . .", I think an 'it' would belong after the 'into.'
And lastly, make sure you're punctuating everything; at least a comma belongs before all those ending quotation marks.

Thanks!