:: Ratty's randomly rattyful still sniffly blog :: 1/28/10 ::

A few weeks ago I was watching The Lion King with my friend when she started to laugh about how unrealistic it was because the trees were blue. Then I had to point out to her the lions, warthogs and meerkats were singing. MLIA

I'm an exchange student. Last Friday, I told a classmate how cool bubblewrap is. Today, she brought me 3 feet of it. I was really excited so I messaged my mom on Facebook to tell her about it. Her response? "I sent you to a foreign country to learn and grow, and yet you're fascinated by bubble wrap?". Sorry, Mom, but yes. MLIA

Today, I found out that the cops came to my house at three in the morning because my neighbor called the police when she saw a strange man walking around my front yard who didn't respond to my father's name and heard screaming. The man? My father with his ipod in. The screams? My father singing. The cops just laughed.

Today, as I was going into Barnes and Noble I saw a stand of books that said "Everything Guys Know About Girls". Being a girl myself, I was curious so I flipped through it and saw that all the pages were blank. Ironically it was written by a guy to. I laughed my head off. MLIA

Today my dad came home after an operation and he was still a little high from all the drugs. He came home and gave me a dollar for "being pretty" and then made my sister do 5 push-ups and gave her a dollar. I am an a 17 year old male and my sister is 19. I think I win. MLIA

Today in English class, I heard a noise behind me. As I sit in the back next tithe door, I assumed it was someone visiting. When I turned around to look at who it was, I saw the teacher from the next class over crawling secretively towards the front of the room. When he turned the corner of the row of desks, my teacher sitting at the front screamed loudly. Both teachers are 30 year old males. MLIA.

Today, I tried #68 from 333 ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart, Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!" The isle I happened to be in was aisle 3, and a little boy gasped and fell down, pretending to be dead. The look on the employee's face when he saw him was priceless. MLIA

Yesterday I walked into class and gave my teacher a piece of paper to sign. She looked different, but I wasn't sure how, so I asked her if she had gotten a haircut. She gave me a weird look, and after a second of confusion, said "I'm a sub..." MLIA

I recently broke both my legs by being run over by a 4wd. Getting sick of telling people the story, this old lady asked me what happened when I replies by looking at my dad then looked back to the lady an said in a scared voice "I fell down the stairs". Best. Facial. Expression. Ever. MLIA

Today my big German Shepherd was running in circles. He was not chasing his tail, but his tail's shadow. MLIA.

I got into an argument with my brother today. It was so bad my mom had to break it up and settle it. I was wrong, my brother was right. I am 17. My brother is 2. MLIA

Today, I was walking back to my dorm after class when I came up to a crosswalk where I saw everyone holding foam swords. I was confused until I looked across the street and everyone on that side had swords too. As soon as the crosswalk turned to walk everyone charged across the street screaming, and met in the middle to duel until the light changed, they then stood on their respective sides shouting insults to the other side until the light changed and they battled again. I LOVE college. MLIA

Today I asked my brother when was the first time he said a swear word. Without skipping a beat or looking up, he said "the day you were born." I found this acceptable. MLIA

Today in my biology class we read an article about a dangerous species of frogs that had escaped from an exhibit. While trying to make the frogs sound as menacing as possible, the author wrote: "they can survive any blow that does not kill them." I then realized that everyone can survive any blow that does not kill them. I don't know whether to laugh or be ashamed of the education I am recieving in high school. MLIA.

A few days ago, a couple teenagers in my neighborhood T.P.ed my house along with quite a few others. I decided to just ignore them and clean it up. They did it again. That night I looked out my living room to see my two 75 year old neighbors carefully placing forks, toilet paper, etc all over the teenager's front yard while dressed like ninjas. When they finished the rang the doorbell and ran. I called them over and we have been watching their parents yell at them for the past two hours while they scapes eggs and pick toilet paper off their house. MLIA.

Today i went to the vending machine at my school and put in a dollar for a gatorade. i got my gatorade and it also gave me four quarters. i put in the four quarters to get another one and six gatorades came out. MLIA.

Today, my 1st grade cousin came home with a word search for homework. Everything was going great until the end, where it said to create a word out of the leftover letters. The letters were "t,a,e,s,t,e,l". 4 adults, 3 college students and 2 high schoolers couldn't figure out what it meant until my 4 year old sister walked over and simply told us, "it's 'let's eat' backwards". I wonder who has the brains in our family. MLIA

Today, my friend and I were reading "100 things to do before you die." He kept rereading and rereading the activities, and looked confused. I asked him what was wrong, and he said, "why isn't 'yell for help' or 'get medical help from a doctor' in here?" I like the way he thinks. MLIA

Today I looked up disney princesses, clicked the website, and then clicked 'characters.' The Jonas Brothers were on the list. They always were my favorite princesses. MLIA

Today, I learned how to do this: ((_̅ _̅(_̅C_̅r_̅a_̅y_̅o_̅l__̅̅a_̅( _̅̅((> Enough said. MLIA

Today, I saw someone running down the road screaming "THE SUN IS ON FIRE!!!" I looked up, and so it was. MLIA

Yesterday, our family had over 40 relatives over for Thanksgiving. Almost all of my family has bright red hair, so after awhile, you don't really notice any of us individually. After we finished our dinner, my grandpa stood up to tell everyone how thankful he is for each of us, his "beloved McCartys." Someone then whispered, "wait...McCarty? $!@%," and slipped out the door without causing attention. Turns out, he wasn't my cousin. Some redhead spent his Thanksgiving at the McCarty residence. Hope you liked the turkey. MLIA.

In 7th grade, I had convinced a not so bright girl that Cheese was in fact a Country. After a desperate 3 months or so of her searching a map, for "cheese" and myself asking her if she had found it every week or so she had given up, went up the teacher and asked for her to point out "cheese", the teacher told her there was no such country. The girl then followed up by turning to me and yelling "Liar!", After my giggles had dissipated I then asked this girl if she could find the country Chile on the map, she retorted that she "I'm not going to fall for that one twice in a row!" I laughed the rest of the day. MLIA.

Today, my friend's mom gave me a green glowstick. Ever since I got home half an hour ago, I've been throwing it at my family members, screaming Avada Kedavra. They are not amused. MLIA

Today, I was practicing a duet that I am performing with a friend of mine. It is a love song, and he is a boy and I am a girl. He had just finished singing the line that says: "I will love you, until my dying day" when my boyfriend burst into the room and shot him with a nerf gun, after which my friend fell to the floor. My boyfriend swept me into a big hug and said "Now that his dying day has passed, I can love you, right?" MLIA

Today, i sent a text to my mum saying " guess what! i just got to ride in a police car!" she called me freaking out, asking what i did, how could i do something so disappointing and if i need bail out money. I decided not to remind her that i'm a cop and get to ride in a police car everyday to see if she figured it out. she hasn't yet. MLIA

Yesterday I went to my uncle's house for Thanksgiving. At the dinner table, he tried to pass me the broccoli. I refused, telling him that I was a vegetarian. He seemed to take this as an acceptable answer, and didn't pass me anymore vegetables for the rest of dinner. MLIA

Today, I was drawing harry potter glasses on celebrities in magazines. I got really excited when one person actually did look like harry potter. I then realized it was Daniel Radcliffe. MLIA.

Today, I was in the car on the way to the zoo with my friend, her mom, and her little brothers. No one knew for sure how to get there, so her mom turned on the GPS and said "find nearest zoo." What was the first result? My school. MLIA

Today, my husband of 2 years was telling me about a time before he met me when he had prank called a random number. He had a 20 minute conversation with the girl on the other end about Narnia and aliens, which ended in him proposing and her accepting. I could not stop laughing when I heard this. That girl was me. MLIA

Today, my History of War Through Film Class watched a movie about the Civil War. The girl who sits next to me leans over and whispers "Is this Civil War I, or Civil War II?" We are juniors in high school. MLIA.

Today, I woke up to find my older sister laughing. Last night she'd heard me talking in my sleep and, remembering an MLIA she'd read, tried to have a conversation with me in my sleep. Apparently, I plan to raise an army of mutant gummy worms to assist me in kidnapping some celebrities I don't like. The ransom for their safe return? A year's supply of bubble wrap and chocalate-chip cookies. Seemed like a good idea in the dream.

Today I was watching the show "Look-a-like" with my sister and said, "I wish I looked like someone". I looked over at her and she was staring at me. We're identical twins. MLIA

I had H1N1 over Halloween, so today me and my friend decided that we should go out to make up for it. I dressed as pig and went to all the houses in my neighborhood, with my friend saying "This is a poor pig. He had the flu over halloween and would like some candy." I got more candy than anyone I knew that went out for Halloween. MLIA

Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She said she liked my boots. Noticing how clean the floors were, I asked her if I should take them off before I went into the rest of the house. She stared at me for a really long time. Turns out she said she liked my pants. That's one way for me to make an impression. MLIA.

Today, I read on MLIA on how someone realized that two years ago, in the year of the cow, we had mad cow disease. Then in the year of the chicken, avian flu. And now, in the year of the pig, swine flu. I then realized that in 2012, it's the year of the dragon. Now I know why the world is going to end. MLIA.

today, i walked outside to feed my puppies. instead of walking all the way to the shed where they live, i raised my hands in the air and screamed, "COME TO ME, MY MINIONS!" they all came.

The other day my teacher was very dissapointed by our low test scores and blamed this on the fact that we never listen to her. She then proceeded to give us a test and told us to read all the instructions before starting it. the last question was to "leave the classroom and stand outside." I was the only one there by the end of the period. MLIA.

Today, I came home to find my 80-year-old grandfather, my dad, and my 26-year-old brother jumping on our couch in their underwear doing a perfect impersonation of a Guitar Hero commercial to Taylor Swift. Best. Family. Ever. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in one of the darker corners of our lunch hall and I saw my friend alone in a queue buying coffee. I texted him saying 'getting coffee are we?'. He left the queue and began an immediate search for me. I texted him saying 'getting hotter' or 'nah your cold' till he eventually walked out of sight. 20 minutes after i left i got a call. He was still looking for me. I. Am. Waldo. MLIA

Today I was on the phone to my friend when she went and got a snack. She said to me, 'I'm eating these really wierd things, but they're so nice.' So I asked her what it was that she was eating and she replied 'I don't think there's a name for them...they're like raspberries, but black.' It suddenly all went silent. God bless blondes. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in my history class, feeling bored, so I texted my somewhat older boyfriend at work. Twenty minutes later he showed up in full uniform (He's a cop) and told my teacher that he needed to take me down to the station. I went along with it and sighed deeply muttering "Not again" loud enough for my entire class to hear. He then hauled me off, cuffs and all. My classmates still think I'm a VISTA!.

I am 17 and the other day I was telling a girl about how I burned 36% of my body when I was seven months old. She gasped and said, "Oh my god, did you live?!" Uh... MILA

Today, I saw my little brother, who's four, staring at his hindquarters in a mirror. Suddenly he burst into tears and screamed, "I NEED a new butt!! Mine's CRACKED!!!!" I'm extremely proud to be his sister. MLIA.

Today, I was Black Friday shopping. In the check-out line was a true gangsta--baggy pants, hoodie, giant shiny studs for earrings, the works. He didn't look none too happy being up and shopping at 7:00 AM, so I was worried when I saw some small kid sneak up to him and reach into his cart, trying to snatch something. Suddenly the guy point at the kid and goes, "Dawg, Swiper no swipin'! Swiper no swipin'" The kid looked sad and promptly trudged off. I'm glad that Dora the Explorer crosses any and all boundaries. MLIA.

Today, I sent a chain text to my friend that said "B4 the end of 2009, you and me should_______?" She replied "My first choice is to frolic through a meadow. Second is to run through the halls in an ostrich suit with you riding on my back." Plan #2 is a go. MLIA

Today, I was trying to convince my dad that he needs a new puppy. He said he needed a puppy like he needed a hole in his head. I pointed out that he needed five of them-his mouth, ears, and nostrils. We're going to pick out a puppy from the pound tonight. MLIA

Today, I was in Driver's Ed. Our teacher asked us, "Why do you think road signs all have different colors?" The boy next to me proudly states, "For the deaf." I still don't understand the thought process behind that.

Today, I wore a big black hoodie into English. My english teacher calmly asked me to remove my dementor's cloak. I challenged him by say that muggles can't see dementors. He pulled a wand out of his pocket and whispered "Shhh, I'm trying to keep it a secret." And then proceeded to offer me 3 galleons in exchange for my silence. I accepted. MLIA

The other day I wrote "I'm bored!" on my exam desk. Today I came back to the same desk to find me 2! me 3! me 4! me 5! all the way to me 32! on the desk. Hail collaboration, MLIA.

One day in art class when we had a sub we were told to pick an assignment off of a piece of paper. one kid dicided he was going to draw himself when he was 90 years old. He drew a jar full of ashes. MLIA

Today, my kitten sneezed all over my laptop. There was no tissue or towel anywhere near, and my kitten is really fluffy, so I picked her up by her 4 legs and wiped off the snot using her. Rag and revenge all in one. MLIA.

Today, I went out to eat at a very nice restaurant. There was a piano playing very nice music and on top of the piano a tip jar. However, the piano was playing by itself. I walked over to the piano and put a dollar in the tip jar and whispered "You are quite good", then when I saw other people staring I said "What, can't you see him?" The look on people's faces was priceless. MLIA.

Today I was eating breakfast with my little sister, and I accidentley spilled the Cheerio's and she says,"OMG, donut seeds!!" Then later that day I saw her plant some in the dirt out in back. I hope is she is not disappointed when it doesn't work. MLIA

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the airport to pick up my brother. We arrived 30 minutes early, so we went inside and found a wheel chair. As i ran, pushing my boyfriend who was pretending to be in labor in the wheelchair, we asked a pilot where the maternity ward was. He dropped to the ground laughing. I told him we did this every Wednesday. MLIA

Today, Black Friday, I bought coffee at 6 AM on my way to work. The girl helping me asked if I was going shopping, to which I replied, "Nope, I'm on my way to work." Her response was, "God you're so lucky. You wont have to deal with crazy people all day." I work on a psychiatric unit. MLIA.

Today, our P.E class had finished swimming and were changing in the changing rooms. A girl went out of the changing room and switched off the lights of the girls changing room. No one screamed. She then proceeded to turn off the boys changing room lights. I have never heard boys scream so loud in my life. MLIA.

Today, while my mom was getting ready to leave for her week-long business trip, i asked her as a joke, "Mom, if Dad suddenly goes crazy while you're gone, what should we do?". Without even hesitating she said in a very serious voice, "Call your Grandparents then get out of the house immediately, they knew what to do last time". I've never been so scared in my life. MLIA

Today, my parents told me that for three months while I was seven years old, I refused to sleep unless I was curled up like a dog at the foot of their bed. If they kicked me while turning over, I threatened to pee in their bed. Go little me. MLIA

Today, I was walking downtown in my very historical proper town, and saw a sign that read "On this day, in Feburary of 1776, absolutely nothing happened." Made my year. MLIA.

Today, I was on the bus home. The window was foggy, so I decided to draw a ninja on it. After about 3 minutes of putting details on my window ninja, i took out my camera phone to take a picture of it. I took the picture, but when i looked at the picture, the ninja didn't show up. I looked at the window, and the ninja was still there. I guess he didn't want his identity to be discovered. Well played, Ninja drawing, Well played. MLIA

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that one of my Aunt's friends is married to the actor who plays Filtch in the Harry Potter films. Naturally, I told my Aunt that this was awesome. Today, I received in the post a copy of The Deathly Hallows book, autographed by Filtch AND Mrs Norris. I love my family. MLIA.

Today, I was in Chem Lab and I noticed a small puddle of water on the table. I dipped my eraser into the puddle and started writing with it. I discovered that seconds after I would write something, it would disappear. I then proceeded to write, "Hello, Harry Potter, my name is Tom Riddle" over and over for the rest of the class. MLIA.

Today, I was passing out fliers for a food drive I was helping with. I came to one house and above the doorbell was a sign saying "WE SHOOT EVERY THIRD SOLICITOR AND THE SECOND JUST LEFT". I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day. MLIA

I'm in a Developmental Psych class, and my mom happened to have some of my developmental tests from when I was younger. I was looking at my Kindergarden Readiness test, and one of the questions I was asked was to draw a man. My response: I can't, but I can tell you the colors of the Power Rangers. I'm glad little me had his priorities straight. MLIA.

Today, a girl at my school accidentally sent me a text that said "Well you can still be friends without eating him, right?" Even though I'm pretty sure she meant to say "dating", I'm still a little worried. MLIA.

Today was my first day at an American Highschool. I'm originally from Australia and convinced everyone I didn't eat anything other than Vegemite, lived in the outback and rode a Kangaroo to school everyday. This is going to be fun. MLIA

A few weeks ago, my mom made me clean the screen glass door. A bird ran into it. I happily got up to see it and I, too, ran into the screen glass door. Windex is amazing. MLIA

A few days ago, a girl in my class asked what a terrorist was. As we all looked at her in disbelief, the guy next to me says, "Oh my god you're so dumb. A terrorist is like if I go to China, then I'm a terrorist." The teacher then looked at him and said, "You mean tourist right?" MLIA.

Today, I was walking around my house eating some turkey...my dog was following me and staring so intently at my food that she ran headfirst into a wall...i started laughing and then proceeded to hit an open door. I'd call that even.

Today, instead of eating Thanksgiving dinner and watching football, my three 40 year old uncles (who all happen to be engineers) spent their ENTIRE day attempting to build a gingerbread house. Going on hour 4, keep it up guys. MLIA

Today, my cousin and i read a MLIA about texting your home number and listening to the automated voice say what you texted. So, we texted "na na na na na na na na Batman!!" and when our phone rang with my number, we answered it expecting the same exact thing as we texted but instead we got "north america north america north america north america north america north america north america north america Batman." We died laughing and had to replay it several times on speaker.

Today I learned that I was delivered by a doctor named Dr. Stork. I'm sorry I ever doubted my parents telling stories of "the stork". MLIA

Today when I did my usual running leap into bed, my boyfriend finally asked me why I do that every time. I explained that I am terrified of the boogyman grabbing my feet from under the bed. He told me that was ridiculous and then proceeded to walk to my bed to climb in. My kitten then attacked his feet from under the bed. Ive never heard a man scream so loud. Told ya so. MLIA.

At the school library, I decided to see what the last person had copied so I pressed paste. What turned up was "why are you clicking paste without copying anything?" I looked at it in shock before laughing. MLIA.

Today, while filling out college applications, I asked my parents what my 3 most admirable qualities are. Without hesitation my dad said: you sleep well, you eat what's put in front of you, and you're finally potty trained! I'm convinced he's been waiting to say that my whole life.

Today,in U.S. History, we were reading quotes from Abraham Lincoln. One was, "It is better to leave your mouth closed and have others think you a fool than open your mouth and prove it." Suddenly, very loudly, a girl in the back of the class asks, "What does that mean?" MLIA

Today I saw a squirrel. I then began to chase the squirrel and watched as the squirrel ran into a tree. Not up a tree, into a tree. MLIA

Tonight, I was eating dinner with my 4 year old sister when she stated to me and my parents "God lives in my heart." Astounded by this statement they smiled at her and told her this was true and she was a very smart kid. Her response? "God is telling me not to eat my vegetables." This kid will go places. MLIA.

Today, i bought a bottle of honey. When I got home, I realized it said "100% pure honey!" and then at the top, it said "Made with real LEMONS!" I'm extremely confused. MLIA

Today my Dad told me that there's a hotel where you can go and stay and live like a Hamster. You sleep in hay and there are giant wheels for you to run on. I know where I'm going on holiday next. MLIA

One day in my Junior Lit class we were having a discussion about the Crucible. Suddenly a freshmen throws open the door, raises his arms and yells, "I'm Back!" He looks around and realizes that it wasn't his class and quickly runs away mumbling, "Not my class". We couldn’t stop laughing for at least five minutes. MLIA

The other night I was at a concert and one of the band members tried to get me to buy one of their t-shirts. I told him that I had no money. He finally convinced my friend and I to buy a $1 button and I agreed taking out my 1 dollar bill and he spotted that I had a twenty. I told him that I needed gas, and he responded by saying "pffft who needs gas?" Later that night I was on twitter and saw that the band had tweeted that they had ran out of gas on the interstate. MLIA

Today I came home from school to find my dad on the roof of our house in nothing but flip flops and boxers holding our new puppy out in front of him and swaying gently from side to side. I was utterly dumbfounded until I went inside and found the t.v left on with the Lion King playing. Best. Dad. Ever. MLIA

Today, my dad was talking about how when he died, he wanted to be cremated, and that way we could each have part of him. Instead of being grossed out, the first thing my little sister said was, "Can I have the part you that has your wallet?" I have high hopes for her. MLIA.

Today, my friend was texting me during the commercials at the movies. She commented on the trailer for the movie "Wolfman", saying someone must be pretty dumb to go see a movie about werewolves. I then pointed out she was in "New Moon". She stopped replying to my texts. MLIA

Today, I thought about testing the whole sticking-your-tongue-to-a-frozen-pole thing. I had no pole near by, but was standing by the bus as students boarded. As soon as I convinced myself I had busted the myth, the bus started moving with my tongue still attached. I am a teacher. MLIA.

Today, I passed a storage facility with the sign "Relatives coming for Thanksgiving? Hide out here!" I laughed until I realized it was actually a good idea. MLIA

Today, i was walking through Target when i saw a little kid getting in trouble. The kids mom grabbed him and dragged him past me. when they passed me i heard the little kid say," Life would be so much better as a donut." Im glad to know that younger generations know how awesome life as a donut would be. MLIA

A girl in my biology class and me somehow got onto the subject of pengiuns. She didn't realize they were real. She thought they were mythical creatures, like unicorns. After telling her they were real, she raised her hand and told the teacher "Megan (me) keeps telling me penguins are real! Are they?". The class was laughing so hard and the teacher needed to excuse herself to the hallway. We're graduating this year. MLIA

Today, my two sisters were having a fight over the dinner table, one is 14 the other is 6. My 14 year old sister yelled "Well santa's not real!". My 6 year old sister plucked up some courage and yelled "Well niether is Edward Cullen!". One ran from the table crying. I think we all know who did. MLIA.

Today, I saw a turtle carrying a squirrel on its back. MLIA.

Today, I was driving behind someone going insanely slow. As I continued to tailgate her, I kept muttering "let's go grandma" to myself and my friend in the car with me. I finally went to pass her, and as I looked over into her car, I realized it actually was my grandma. MLIA.

Today I was walking on campus when I heard a weird noise above my head. I looked up and saw a squirrel attempting to carry a full peanut butter and jelly sandwich up a tree. 20 minutes went by and a crowd had gathered.. the squirrel finally got it to the top when the wind blew and it fell out of the tree. The entire crowd screamed fail, while the squirrel buried its head in its hands. MLIA

Yesterday in English class we were discussing Romeo and Juliet. Suddenly a cheerleader shouts out, "Hey, Shakespeare totally stole this from that Taylor Swift song!!" Never again will I question high school stereotypes. MLIA

Today, in history class my teacher told us that at some point in history two countries had enough nuclear weaponry to destroy the entire earth. A girl in my class leaned forward with her mouth open in shock and asked, "Did they?" Even my teacher couldn't contain his laughter. MLIA.

Today, I went to a Thanksgiving marathon to watch my aunt and cousins run. To my delight I saw people dressed up as turkeys, pilgrims, and indians. Than to my extreme delight I saw four bananas, a whoopie cushion, a plethora of super heros, a herd of flamingos, a group of 6 college guys dressed in snuggies, and I found Waldo. I finally feel like I belong in the MLIA community. MLIA

Today, I was lookingn through an old journal I used to write in when I was about 9 or 10. I was surprised to find my class schedule for Hogwarts, a test review on Transfiguration and Potions, a detention slip from a house Prefect for being in the Forbidden Forest, and a letter I had written to Harry Potter asking him to the Yule Ball. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something my parents aren't telling me. MLIA

When I was a kid, my family had the movie Jingle All The Way taped from when it was on tv. The tape cuts out for about 2 minutes during the movie so I never knew what happened during that time. I was very excited when the movie came on tv again so I could finally figure out what happened. The cable went out for 2 minutes. Guess which 2 minutes? MLIA.

Today, two girls behind me in class were talking about their birthdays. The first girl said that her's was on the 4th of May. The second girl replied with, "Oh my god! May the Fourth be with you!". I think I've fallen in love.

Today, in french class we were learning something new. A girl who didn't understand it shouted out "Oh my god, this is so hard, it's like a different language!" It took her a few minutes to realise why everyone in the class, including our teacher, was laughing so hard. MLIA

Today, my cousin asked me to name a state with the letter X in the name. I was stumped. I'm from Texas and spend every holiday in New Mexico. MLIA

Today,my friends decided to throw me a suprise party even though they know I hate suprises. They told my mom and she gave me a heads up. Guess who hid behind the television dressed as the grim reaper and scared them all? Epic. Win. MLIA

Today, my phone rang. The caller ID said it was from McNerny's Windows and Cabinets. Fed up with all the telemarketing calls I've been getting lately, I answered, "McNerny's Windows and Cabinets, how may I help you?" The salesperson hesitated, stuttered in confusion, then hung up. I win. MLIA

A few days ago I was sitting at my desk at work, when 2 of my co-workers came to me to help them solve a dispute. They looked me square in the eye and asked me "Was Vietnam a country or a war?" I told them it was both, and they walked away to ask someone else who "wouldn't lie to them just to get them to stop arguing." MLIA

Today my science teacher gave the lecture on fire safety. After pointing out where the fire blankets and fire extinguisher were, we proceeded to the "Fire and Alcohol" experiment. After gratuitously pouring rubbing alcohol onto the table, she tossed a match onto it. Suddenly she decided the fire was too big and grabbed her grade-book and slammed it at the fire. After the grade-book was on fire, she grabbed her broom. We had to evacuate the school because my science teacher set everything in reach on fire.

This morning I gt up extra early to make cupcakes for my friends birthday, I put them in the oven, then went upstairs to get ready for school. At lunch i remembered that i forgot to take them out of the oven. I frantically ran home dreading what i would see in the oven, but when i got home and looked, they were still batter. Turns out that when cooking, turning the oven on is something you should do. MLIA

Today my friend made a bet with me for $20 that I couldn't solve my rubix cube by the time he came over. Realizing he was right, I went to Toys 'R Us and bought a new rubix cube for $13. Best $7 ever. MLIA

For a school project, I had a few classmates come over to my house to complete it. When one friend didn't show up, I used my cell phone to call his house. What I didn't realize was that I accidently called my own house. When the lady on the other end anwsered, I asked if my friend was there, so she went to check. A few seconds later my mom came downstairs to asked if Nick was here yet, I said no, so she went back upstairs to tell me on the phone that Nick wasn't there.

Today, while recovering from some minor surgery in my hospital bed, the guy sharing the room with me fell asleep. He started mumbling, then screamed "NOT THE ELEPHANTS!" and then promptly farted and woke himself up. I laughed so hard I popped a stitch. MLIA

Today, I went to Target. While I was trying on clothes in the dressing room, someone in another room shouted, "There's no toilet paper in here!" Another voice that I'm guessing belonged to an employee whimpered,"Please, please no. Not this again." MLIA

Today, I was on Mystery Google,and I typed "I wonder where Barack Obama is right now". It said "look behind you". Behind me was a cardboard cutout of Obama in my school library. Totally freaked me out. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in class and we had a sub. We were told to write his name at the top left of our paper. His name was Mr. Cullen. I asked him if his first name was Edward. His response. "That f-ing movie has ruined my life. Oh and yes it is. My wifes name is Isabella too. I hate twilight." MLIA.

Today, My mom texted me asking me where I wanted to go to lunch, her treat. I responded with "Neverland." I thought she was going to be annoyed with that response. She texted back "I went there for breakfast. How about Narnia?" Coolest. Mom. Ever. MLIA

Tonight my Dad is going to play poker. Right before he left he yelled out "Wish me Luck! your college education depends on it!" and proceeded to "MWAHHAHAHAHA" out the door only to trip down the stairs. MLIA

Today in AP US History we had to make an overhead for our presentation; when I opened the red overhead pen it exploded all over my hand. I went to the bathroom to wash it off and noticed a freshman staring at the blood-colored liquid running down the sink. Thinking quickly I asked "Do you know know where they keep the shovels?" With a sudden look of horror she raced from the bathroom. MLIA.

Today, my college professor told me he was in special ed as a child. His mom put him there because she thought he had a hearing problem, but really it was he just didn't want to do what he told her to so he faked hard of hearing. Then he figured out how many questions he needed to get wrong on the placement test so he stay in special ed. He did this so he could get stickers and snacks everyday. Best. Teacher. Ever.

Today, in biology were we studying photosythesis when a girl suddenly says, "Wait, you mean a tree is a plant?" We all stared, then someone asked her what she thought it was. She said, "Well, I thought it was like a bush." MLIA

Today I was walking into the bathroom at our school, where I read a sign on the only stall saying "Out of Order. Go find a tree." MLIA

Today on the subway I yelled out "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Two people screamed, one fell over, another one faked a heart attack, and a toddler started crying. Everyone though it was planned; we were applauded. MLIA

I had just come home from College for Thanksgiving break to visit my family. I have long hair(I am a boy) and was showing off my recently pierced ear. All 5 of my sisters were teasing me about how I looked just like a girl. Saddened, I sat down next to my grandma. She gave me a hug and said "Robbie, if those girls keep teasing you, just go ahead and hit them with your purse."MLIA

Today, working in the hospital, it was rather slow. Just me at the desk and a few doctors. When the doctors went for break an old man (around 80) came in a gown and asked if he could use a wheelchair. Thinking nothing of it i said yes. Five minutes later, i heard yelling, "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME GERTRUDE!" and and the same old man zooming down the hall in the wheelchair with a woman in one behind him. I will never underestamate the power of the elderly. MLIA.

Today, I convinced half of my English class that William Shakespeare wrote The Titanic. MLIA.

Last week, my science class was assigned a project in which we had to draw a picture of a world without friction. I forgot to do my project, so when she was coming around to check that we had done it, I handed in a blank sheet of printer paper and said that in a world without friction, I couldn't hold a pencil to complete the project. I got a perfect grade for 5 second's work. MLIA

Today my friends and I decided to play red rover. I was really surprised that they decided to put the two weakest people next to each other, but I ran at them anyways. Not only did I break through their hands, I ran head first into a pole. Apparently they had been planning this the whole time. My friends are evil geniuses. MLIA

Lately in school we've been doing this thing where we try to prove how gullible everyone else is. I turned to a girl and said, "Your sock is untied" and was surprised to hear her reply, "My socks actually have laces". I looked down to see her socks and they were just regular socks. When I looked back up she said nothing but had this huge grin on her face. That backfired. MLIA

Today, in my health class, my teacher walked in to our classroom to find two macho football players chasing each other around the room. When she got them settled down, she asked them why they were running around. One of them, almost in tears, said, "He told me the ending to New Moon!!" I laughed. A lot. MLIA

Today I was bored in class and remembered a previous MLIA about mind reading and thought i'd try it. I thought to myself 'If anyone can hear this, cough now'. I suddenly had the urge to cough. Iam now confident that I can read my own mind. MLIA.

On Halloween, I was late to one of my classes and was walking as quick as I could. All of the sudden a senior ran passed me wearing a gold costume and flapping his arms furiously like a bird. I thought nothing of it. A second later, seven other seniors dressed in yellow and black Quidditch uniforms ran by me on brooms. MLIA