:: Ratty's randomly rattyful blog :: 1/29/10 ::

Today, I was in health class and I got really bored. I picked up my pen and slid it back and forth across the table making car sounds. I pretended it was the batmobile. I crashed it into my binder, threw it in the air and made crashing and screaming noises. I then looked up realizing the whole class was silent. They were all staring at me. I shrugged and continued playing with my pen batmobile. MLIA

Today, it snowed where I live, and considering it's Texas, that's not often. My science teacher who is notorious for being really strict greeted our class with, "Screw the atoms for today. We're going to take a field trip outside and "observe the elements and state changes." ... in other words we're going to go make snow angels." I'm a sophomore in high school... MLIA

Today, I took a Biology test that included three bonus questions, all very specific things from Star Trek. The only kid in my class that got all three right was the cheerleader. I don't know what to believe anymore. MLIA.

Yesterday, I went to Target. I saw a goose in the main entrance area (probably from the pond across the street)and I told the goose that he didn't belong in Target. Later in the day, I went to Lowes and saw what looked to be the same goose in the entrance area. Touche. MLIA

Today, I forgot my username and password to an important subscription I have. Frustrated, I typed in for the username "I forgot!" and, "I give up!" for the password. It worked. I think I know myself better than I thought I did. MLIA

Today, I read an article that said "printed on recycled paper". I silently gave the company kudos for their environmental awareness, before I remembered I was on the computer. MLIA

Today a lot of kids in my math class were complaining to my teacher about random things in the class. He told them they could write down their suggestions and put them in the suggestion box. They then asked him where the suggestion box was. He picked up a trashcan. MLIA

Today, I babysat a 4 year old boy with my sister. During our conversation, Britney Spears somehow came up. My sister said, "Ugh, she's f---ing ugly!" The little kid heard her, and gasped at her in horror. He said, "You said a bad word!... You said 'ugly'." Shame on you, sister. Shame on you. MLIA

I got into a debate with a friend at lunchtime about what you could put in a sandwich. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that nothing bigger than an elephant could fit in a sandwich. I said that you could make a sandwich out of the world if you tried, a theory he rejected. So I went home and got my friend in New Zealand to put a piece of bread face down in her garden while I put one face down in mine (I live in Ireland). World Sandwich Completed. MLIA

Today I walked in on my 10 year old sister sitting in a laundry basket playing kumbaya on her recorder. I asked her what she was doing and she said her boyfriend broke up with her. At least someone knows how to cope maturely. MLIA

Today, while looking on AFI's 100 Heroes and Villains, I saw that the man who killed Bambi's mother is #20 on the list of villains. I'm glad everyone knows who the real monsters are in our world. MLIA.

Today, a customer came up to me and started ranting and raving about my abhorrent customer service after he'd tried to get my attention for "10 minutes" (it was more like 30 seconds). He told me that minimum wage was made especially for "stupid, useless scum" like me, who just stood about in the aisle staring at DVDs "like some kind of bovine [expletive]". I decided to be honest with him: "Actually, I don't work here. I'm a customer, too." He turned abruptly and left the store. I continued browsing the DVD section. MLIA

Today, I was helping my mom carry in groceries. My right hand was completely full, and so I couldn't open the screen door. After 10 minutes of trying to open it with my foot and having no luck, I realized that my left hand had nothing in it. MLIA.

Today, I received an e-mail from my mom telling me that drinking hand sanitizer is very dangerous. I am a 43 year old doctor. Thank you mom. MLIA.

Awhile ago, my sister and i were watching gameshows on TV, my sister (who resents the fact that she is blonde) became really excited saying, "Look, a dumb blonde on Jeopardy!" I looked at the television, and after awhile I said, "We're watching Wheel of Fortune." Poor sister. MLIA

Today, I figured out how to change the message my phone displays when you turn it off. Now it says "Goodbye, cruel world" right before it dies. I have never been so excited for my phone battery to die before. MLIA

Today, my friend was telling me how she wished she could keep a journal but her arm gets tired when she tries to write it all out. She then said that she keeps a mental journal and just replays stuff in mind that happened. I almost couldn't bring myself to tell her that those are often called memories. MLIA.

The other day, my boyfriend and I were walking to our seventh hour class. As we walked down the hallway, some upper-classman shoved my boyfriend, and he, by chain reaction, hit me. Well, I managed to hit a locker. Not realizing it was a locker, I turned and immediately apologized, "Oh my gosh! Are you okay?! I am so so-... Sorry." I stopped, realizing it was in fact a locker. I remember saying, "Oh... You're a locker... You don't talk..." At which point, no doubt a freshman from inside the locker replies, "Yeah, I'm fine. How about you?" MLIA.

It was snowing pretty heavily today. While trudging through the snow, I passed a kid wearing shorts and flip-flops. I took a second look and I saw his shirt said, "I'm not crazy; I'm from Alaska". I now consider it my mission to find him and marry him. MLIA

The other day I was at the mall with my friend. We saw a kid we go to school with when we were on the escalator. We thought it would be funny to yell his name and hide behind the escalator wall. He yelled back hi and waved to us. We then realized it was a glass wall and completely see through. MLIA.

Today, I saw that the brand on the white board eraser in our classroom was called Ghost Duster. Twenty minutes later I found the guy sitting behind me singing quietly to himself 'Who you gonna call?' Telepathy or just a coincidence? MLIA

Every morning on my walk to school, I pass the same person. Its always really awkward because they stare at me, and I don't know where to look. Today, I decided to look at the ground to make it less awkward. I walked into a tree. -MLIA

Today, at the mall my 6 year-old son wanted his picture taken with Santa. So when it was his turn instead of sitting on his lap my son pulled out his fake wand and yelled, "Avada Kedavra!" Santa clutched his heart and pretended to die. Half the kids started to cry. MLIA.

Today, as I was eating dinner, my family got on the topic of which family member we looked like. I look like my dad. My sister looks like my mom. When we got to my brother, we couldn't decide. Then suddenly my mom says, "The mailman". I love my mom. MLIA.

Yesterday, i decided to wear clothes that i had got in New York for the first time to school. In 2nd hour, i went to the bathroom to see someone else wearing the exact same thing i was. I said, "What the ****, how did you get those clothes"? I stood there waiting for a response for 30 seconds, then i realized i was talking to the mirror. The principal came out of a stall laughing. He told me he just did the same thing. MLIA

Today, my mom told me that when I was 4 my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said an adult. MLIA.

Yesterday, my best friend convinced me to go see New Moon with her. Waiting in the lobby I started to regret my decision, that was, until I turned to find Waldo crouched behind a cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen, after silently shushing me I noticed a group of four 13 year old girls approaching the picture. All of a sudden Waldo leapt out screaming "Here I am!" before running out of the cinema. I think it's safe to say I am on Team Waldo.

Today, my friend and I had an emotional talk and he started to cry. Startled, I ask if he was crying. He looked at me and said "No...My eyes just...Decided to pee". I am never going to say that I'm crying again. MLIA

Today, I found out that if something were to happen and every branch of the military was destroyed, the Texas Rangers would be next called in. I feel extra safe knowing the ultimate fate of our country lies in the hands of Chuck Norris. MLIA.

Today, I walked into my living room. My grandma was on her facebook. My 15 year old sister was knitting. I'm still confused. MLIA.

Today, I found out that when I was two, whenever my mom wasn't home my dad and his friends would slap boxing gloves on my twin sister and me. Then they sat around and watched us beat the crap out of eachother in our "toddler death matches." I love my dad. MLIA

Today, when I got home from school I asked my little brother what he did at school. His reply was that he had drawn a turkey by tracing his hand and that he sang every song from Spongebob with his friends. I decided not to tell him that I did the exact same thing in my 10th grade honors English class. MLIA

Today, my parents and I had to go to a teacher conference because I had gotten an awful grade on a math test. When we entered the room, I sat down and the teacher placed my test on the table in front of me. Across the table sat a blank version of the test with an apple on top of it. After a few moments of silence, the teacher looked at my parents and said, "Your son only scored 10% higher on that test than this apple just did." MLIA

I went to shadow at Platt Middle School... Before the first class started someone said over the announcements "Welcome to PMS! Please enjoy your first period!" Highlight of my day.

Last week, I was taking a Spanish test. Near the end of the test, at the bottom of a page, it said "Doodling Space". I doodled a picture of Dumbledore, and next to it I wrote, "Dumbledore says: This student will get an A, and no one ever says "no" to Dumbledore." I got twelve bonus points, thus giving me an A. MLIA.

Today, we were working in pairs for a social studies project. The only problem? I'd forgotten my partner's name he had just told me. So rather than look stupid and ask what his name was, I asked how to spell it. SLowly, he spelled out B-E-N. Suddenly, asking for someone's name doesn't sound like such a bad idea. MLIA

Today, I was texting my friend about how I was really upset about failing my math test. Her response? 'Well even Harry didn't pass all his O.W.L's, but he still defeated the Dark Lord.' It made me feel a lot better about myself. MLIA

Today, my brother found a scar on his shoulder. When he asked my mom about it, she brought out the home videos. The one we watched was of him picking me up when I was a baby and tossing me around. It apparently WEREWOLFED! me off because I then sink my teeth into his shoulder making him scream bloody murder. I'm posting the video on facebook. MLIA

Today my mother said that she didn't want to name her male canary. I was disappointed by this until I realised that my canary named Fawkes would now be living in a cage with He Who Must Not Be Named. Epic. MLIA

Today I drove past an undercover police van, I knew it was an undercover police van from the drug dog hanging out of the open door, the armed police men all sitting around computers, and three satellites on top of the van. Way to be discrete guys. MLIA.

This week is spirit week. Yesterday was Superhero Day, and my friend was absent. Today, the teacher asked where she was yesterday she replied, "What? I was really here! I was Invisible Woman for Superhero Day!" The teacher nodded and changed the attendance records. MLIA.

Today, my friend and I were walking with a group when we came across a patch of ice. Everyone who was walking normally had slipped on the ice, except for me and my friend. We waddled across it and made penguin noises. Everyone stared, but we didn't slip. MLIA

Last night, I had the first sleepover since I was eight. Apparently, over those ten years, I have developed the habit of sleep talking. When I woke up, my friend informed me that I have a crush on Darth Vador, and a serious fear of blueberry muffins. That explains a lot. MLIA

Today, I realized something. My first name is Leia. My middle name is Skye. My fiance's name is Luke Walker. Our wedding will be epic. MLIA

Today as I was going to let my cat and dog outside, my male cat took a deep bow and allowed my female dog to go through the door first. It's nice to know that domestic house pets have manners too. MLIA

Today, two Jahova's witnesses knocked on my door. I told them that I couldnt talk because I had to feed Satan in the basement some raw meat. They first looked confused, then a little nervous and then told me to have a nice day and hurried off to the next house. Satan is my Pitt Bull. MLIA

Today, I saw a t-shirt from Mental_Floss that said "A good man is hard to find" and had a picture of Waldo on it. Best shirt ever. MLIA

Today I overheard my sister's jerk boyfriend telling her that after his haircut he is going to look ten times better. My little brother then popped out of nowhere and said, "ten times zero is still a zero". MLIA.

Today, I was on the computer when I heard my seven year old brother complaining that the bathroom door wouldn't open. Sarcastically, I called back 'Did you try using you hands?' I heard the doorknob jiggle and heard him call 'Thanks!' and rush into the bathroom. I'm still confused. MLIA

Today I was reading about Google on wikipedia, and found the sentence "In 2009 Google announced it was deploying herds of goats to keep grassland around the Googleplex short, helping to prevent the threat from seasonal bush fires while also reducing the carbon footprint of mowing the extensive grounds." Remind me why we ever thought Yahoo had a chance? MLIA.

Today, I decided to test the age old myth that a watched pot never boils. After 5 minutes the water still wasnt boiling and I was starting to think it true. Then I relized that I never turned on the stove. MLIA

A while ago a boy came into the A&E (/ER) I work at with his headphones stuck up his nose, so I jokily wrote MLIA at the end of his chart, Yesterday I found out a Senior Doctor mistook it for proper hospital code and now everyone from Nurses to Senior Staff has been using it when someone comes in with a foreign object stuck up their nose. I sort of wonder what they think it stands for MLIA

Today, I was in one of the only two bathroom stalls in the bathroom, and realized there was no toilet paper. I decided to wait until the guy in the next stall left, so I could get some from that stall. After about 25 minutes of determined waiting, the guy in the other stall asked me for some toilet paper. MLIA

Today in history class we had a pop quiz. We had to write everything we know about William Shakespeare. On my paper I wrote "Shakespeare's dead." I got full credit.

Today, I was walking home from the grocery store when I got held up by a young boy sitting on the sidewalk and his mother trying to drag him off the ground. As I walked past, she said, "If you don't stand up, I'll send you home with this lady and she'll force you to eat broccoli every day!" I pulled a bag of broccoli out of my shopping bag, and with a very serious face said "it's true." I've never seen someone stand up so quickly. MLIA

Today, I was playing with names on Lovecalculator.com and put my name with every guy I've ever dated. I got 1 percent with almost every single guy. I was so frustrated that I finally just replaced a guy's name with death. I got 98 percent. MLIA

Today, I was at a costume party. There were some really good costumes, until an older man who I did not recognize came in. He was wearing a long trench coat that he was holding tightly closed. Wondering what he was doing there I asked, who are you? In response he threw open his coat, revealing normal clothes with a camera attached to a fanny pack. A giant flash on the camera went off, after which he said 'I'm a flasher!'. BEST. COSTUME. EVER.! MLIA

Today, we were talking about a crib recall in my AP Gov class. One student raised his hand and, completely serious, asked what the point of a crib was. He said, "Wouldn't it be easier to just use a cardboard box?" My teacher laughed and then explained to him that most parents want to be able to look in and see their babies, and cribs offer maximum visibility. He then replied, "Well then, couldn't you just use an aquarium?" MLIA

A couple of months ago, I turned 18. While I was at knit club, my little sister tried to tell me "happy birthday" in chinese. Instead, she said "run into a wall and die". I felt so loved. MLIA

Today, my friends mom was complaining about how she thinks he should go to church more, so I put his number on mystery google and told whoever gets it to say "this is God, Riley, and I'm very disappointed in you." It worked. He's been at church for three hours. MLIA

Today the phone rang and my dad answered it. He immediately started singing "You don't have to call anymore, I won't pick up the phone", and continued the chorus to You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift. He proceeded to hang up and just plainly say, "Telemarketer". I freaking love him. MLIA.

Today, my sister and I realized that one of our family fish was floating upside on the bottom of the tank. Just as we began to worry that he was dead, he flipped over, ate some food, and returned to the upside down state. He's fine... just chooses not to conform. Way to be original, fish... Way to be original. MLIA

Today, I went to howmanyofme.com. There are 22 people in America named Tom Riddle. My first thought: dear god, there are 22 Voldemorts in America. We're doomed. Then I checked for how many people were named Harry Potter. There are 102. I immediately relaxed. 102 Harrys vs 22 Voldemorts - we're safe. MLIA.

Today, I tried to do the whole Google vs. Yahoo thing. I typed in "I will kill". Yahoo came up with: "I will kill you", while Google came up with "I will kill you 18 different ways with this paper clip".
I will not comment this. MLIA

Today, I was playing cards with my dad when he told me to pick any card in the pack, and it would be the knave of clubs. I picked a random card and it was indeed the knave of clubs. I was in total awe for two seconds until I saw thst he was just as amazed as I was. Apperantly, he has been trying this for 13 years, and this was the first time someone actually picked it. MLIA

Today, I read a MLIA about how it's impossible for two people with blue eyes to give birth to a child with green or brown eyes, both of my parents have blue eyes...mine are brown; at first I freaked out, but then I remembered that I'm adopted. MLIA.

Today, on webcam, I high-fived my friend through the computer. The computer is now in the store being repaired. MLIA

Today was my 16th birthday. Everything was going fine, until after the daily announcements at school. My dad, who was a teacher, got on and began talking in a scary voice, saying, "It was a dark and stormy night sixteen years ago," then proceeded to tell the entire story of my birth over the intercom. Thanks Dad. MLIA.

Today I tried #2 of the 333 ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart, "Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment." I walked up to someone who looked unfamiliar, and they started talking about stories of me in middle school, turns out it was my 8th grade civics teacher. MLIA

Today my class arrived to our science room to see a sign on the door that read "we are in room 116 today". Our entire class spent the next 20 minutes wandering around the school we had gone to three years. Finally we passed our normal room again and realized it was 116. Our teacher was inside laughing maniacally. Oh how I love my school. MLIA

Today, I wasn't prepared for a test so I had my identical twin sister go to my class and take it for me. My teacher didn't even notice the switch. My mom is the teacher. MLIA.

Today, I found out my twin sisters pregnant with twins. By who? My boyfriends twin brother. MLIA

Today, I went to the movies. I was sitting in my seat when I noticed a woman carry in a massive purse. She was having trouble carrying it also. She picked a seat a few rows infront of me. She sat down and looked aroung then leand into her purse and said " quite honey the movies about to start. Then she pulled a toddler out of her bag. It made my movie experience much better. MLIA

Today, while teaching a swimming class of three year olds, I asked what they wanted to play. Immediately and almost in unison tehy replied "THE TINKERBELL GAME!" Confused I asked what that was. There was a moment of silence before one of the little boys said "You don't know!?" sounding very shocked. For the rest of class I tried to trick them into telling me what it was, They all refused. Finally, I asked my next class. They said if tehy told me, they'd have to kill me. There is a secret asociation of evil three year olds. I'm scared. MLIA

A few days ago, my girlfriend and I went to go see A Christmas Carol in 3-D. As the movie began, we were both pretty amazed at the effects. I then heard my girlfriend quietly say to herself "I wish my life were in 3-D." I wonder about her sometimes. MLIA.

Today, my mom went into labor. Later, I caught my little brother making something that looked like a trap. He says after dealing with our younger sister, he'd be stupid to not try to catch the stork before it could bring us another monster. I tried to do the same thing when he was born. MLIA.

Yesterday I went to see new moon with my twilight crazy friends. Not being a fan of twilight, I felt like an outcast tagging along. When Robert Pattinson came on the sceen, a 8 year old girl got up and screamed; "Cedric Digory lives! I must tell Dumbledore!" She then proceeded to run out of the cinema along with half the cinema including me. I've never felt so included. MLIA

Today, the four most VISTA! party boys on my floor built a fort in our lounge using the couches and chairs from another lounge, and blankets and sheets from their rooms. They topped it off by posting a sign outside that said "NO GIRLS ALLOWED. except for mom." I will never underestimate these guys again. MLIA

Today was my first day of drivers' ed and the girl I sat next to had the same name as me. Later, I told my mom this with which she responded "Oh, that's nice. What's her name?" I think I'm adopted. MLIA

Last night, I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up, My pillow was gone. I screamed in fear and held my stomach. Then I saw my pillow on the floor. MLIA

Today, I decided to do number 54 on the 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart: "Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand." When he started typing in the first item he mumbled "I freaking hate that list." MLIA.

Today, my friend told my class about how she was kicked out of dance school at the age of five. Apparently, she and her five-year-old cousin would lock a different girl in the bathroom each week by using the outside latch, and would put skirts under the door to stifle their screams. I am terrified of her. MLIA

Today, I read a MLIA about how seniors for their prank put three pigs labeled 1, 2, and 4 in their school. A few years ago at my school the seniors brought a cow in and had it climb the stairs to the teachers lounge, for those who don't know, cows can't physically go down stairs. Which is the only way out of the teacher's lounge. So they had to get it onto the balcony and have a crane lift it out. MLIA

Today I sent my friend an email with a picture of boomerang. The address was invalid so the email was sent back to me. MLIA

Today, at the end of my chemistry class the teacher told us that next lesson we would be having a dietcoke/mentos fountain competition, the person that made it go highest wins. While most people laughed at the idea and planned to just put it in and hope for the best, my friend and I spent the rest of the day doing research on diet coke and making complicated designs for the most effiecient way to do the reaction. I'm looking forward to the look on my teachers face when we bring in an electromagnet, a hose, and a hairdryer. MLIA

Today, I took my little sister to see New Moon. A few minutes into the movie, while there was a close-up shot of Edward's face, a nerf gun dart hit him straight in the eye. I turned around to see about a 70-year-old-old man wielding a nerf gun who shouted "GO TEAM JACOB!" and hobbled out of the theatre on his cane. MLIA

Today, I found out that neighbor's cat (Nala) is pregnant. The only other cat on the block is mine (Simba). I am keeping one of the kittens and naming it Kiara. MLIA.

Today, My senior class were to dress up as gorillas. Just to be different I dressed up as a banana. I spent to whole day running from hordes of gorillas. Totally. Worth. It. MILA.

Today, I decided to look at the inside cover of my math book to see the previos owners. In order they were Jesus, harry potter, clark kent, ronald mcdonald, optimus prime, and mclovin. I signed as elmo. MLIA

Today, I saw a baby picture of my best friend. Not only does she look exactly like Boo from Monsters, Inc, but her nickname is Boo and her dad worked for Disney when the movie came out. Coincidence? I think not. MLIA.

Today in church, the priest's phone went off during the sermon. It had an angelic chorus singing 'Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!', then immediately turned into a robot voice saying 'You have a message from God.' Best. Ringtone. Ever. MLIA

Today, I was at work in an ice cream store. A woman of about 20 came in and ordered a Strawberry Milkshake. A few minutes after she had left the store, she came back in and very angrily demanded a new shake. I asked what was wrong with the first one I made. She told me that she was getting a rash because the first one contained something she was allergic to. I asked her what she was allergic to and she responded "milk". I then had to spend 5 minutes explaining that all of our milkshakes contain milk products. Peoples' stupidity never fails to amuse me. MLIA

I was staying at my boyfriend's house not too long ago, and the two of us were talking in the kitchen. My boyfriend called his dog over to pet her. When she got to him she hit her head on the cabinet. My boyfriend promptly said, "Stupid dog" before bending down to pet her, hitting his head on the cabinet where she did. His dad walked by, said, "Stupid son" and continued on his way. I guess it is true, your dog really is like you. MLIA

Today, instead of the normal dog chasing the mailman, I saw two huge turkeys chasing a UPS truck. The guy in the truck looked like he was going to pee his pants, and I got a picture. MLIA.

Today, my family went to Wal-Mart and did a lot of grocery shopping. Halfway through, my dad nonchalantly picked up my little brother, stuffed him in one of the freezers, and ran away. Cool points have been awarded. MLIA.

Today, me and my father are going to see New Moon. Right now we are preparing our buttons to show what "team" we are on. Mine says "Support Cedric Diggory" My Dad's says "Go SHARK BOY!". MLIA.

Today, my friend tried to pull the normal "You know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary?" My response? To grab a dictionary, flip through it, and yell "you're right, it's not!" His jaw dropped and he grabbed the dictionary to see for himself. Take that, gullibility! MLIA

Today, my school voted on senior superlatives. My brother was voted Best Looking. He received ninety percent of the vote, while I recieved zero votes. We're identical twins. MLIA