Critique my Query Letter?

Attn. Ms. Editor:

When Gina, a somewhat naïve adopted teen, discovers a secret realm, she and her new friends have to try to keep the boundary between it and the real world intact, so that its vicious inhabitants don't cause any more trouble.

Good and evil have never made much sense to Gina, but she begins to see that this world is exactly what she can't comprehend. Gina is now a Healer, which means she has recieved the ability to heal people, but with this comes the duty to be loyal to the queen – even if it means risking her life and her liveliness by attempting to rescue others from the hands of the inhabitants of the woods – Shines. Gina watches the boundary between reality and make-believe merge as Shines begin to target her friends and family – as victims for murder.

HEALERS is a completed 85,000 word YA novel about friendship, fantasy, and hope.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Arianna [Last Name]

I've read (most of) it, so it makes sense to me . . . but I'm trying to put myself in a different perspective. xD So, the following comments may be odd - and also overly harsh, at least for me. Forgive me. I really do think you did a good job, especially to the failtacularness that I'd be sure to come up with in your place.

First of all, who are these new friends of hers in the first part? :O You just give them a glancing mention, but they don't seem to have anything to do with the story, based on the rest of it. Same with saying she's adopted. (I only bring this up because I'm learning in editing my story that if you can take something out without changing the meaning of whatever you're editing, you probably should. xD)

While I'm mentioning the first bit, it's just one bit sentence . . . I don't know how these things usually are, but that seems kind of awkward to me.

The first paragraph of the second part doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, second of all. At least, to me. xD Are you saying that this world is "good and evil"?

Thirdly, who's this queen?

That's all I can think of. Good job, and keep working at it!

Don't worry, I need harsh critiques. xD

Her being adopted is VERY important, because you become a Healer when one of your family members (genetic, not by law) dies.
It's supposed to be one sentence. [link]
It be Queen Alyssa!

(I'll make edits tomorrow; I should be getting to bed.)

Ah, okay. In that case, I'd find a way to point that out in the letter. Unless you did and I missed it. xD

Okay.

Lol, I know that, but anyone who hasn't read it wouldn't. xD

(All right. )