---Unexpected--- really needs a title ...[Chapter 4 is UP!]...

Oh, I hate it when people get offended when that person is just trying to help. T^T All they're trying to do is help you get better at writing, and the writer is getting offended? I think it's a pretty nice way of telling you it needs word. XD

So, I edited it. Does it look a bit better? :3

Dude, I love you. XD

Yes, it does indeed look better! Shall I go through again and try to pick it apart again, or would you rather leave it this way for a while and let other readers give their opinions? XD

Love you, too! XD

Yeah, sure, if you want to! I'm still working on different ways to start the sentence, so if you see any problems involving that, then no need to tell me.

Hmmm . . . I think just for the time being I'm going to back off. XD Because I've been feeling really crappy, my head hurts and I'm sick or something, so right now I'm not sure how well I'll be able to do. I'll try and come back after my head is functioning properly.

Oh, okay!
Awe, I hope you feel bettah! D: *hands Advil*
I was sick about a week ago, and that sounds kind of like what I had. Get better!

Great job, Rai! I really like this!

Thanks, Lyss! I'll add another chapter tomorrow: I've been kinda busy.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get a chapter up, everyone. I've had so much writer's block. I thought today would be my writing day, but I seriously don't have ANY ideas. ._. My poems are getting worse, too. >.<

I think I might combine some chapters, since they're all in the same day, mostly. xP I don't want a million small chapters, instead of less, larger ones. You know?

Chapter 4's been added! Again, sorry it took so long for me to get a chapter up! I couldn't think of anything. >.<

That was an interesting chapter! Umm, so, I know I was supposed to come back and re-critique the whole thing . . . and I never did . . . so I feel bad for asking, but would you like me to critique this one, too? xD

Suresure.
It's fine.

I see a lot of mistakes in this last chappie, lol. >.<

Lol, all right. x3

I stepped out of the house and began to walk down the long, gravelly road. The rocks crunched under my shoes.
It's a good start. :3 I like the description you've got here.

I was on high-alert: anything could happen right now. I was actually in contact with the enemy. My mind was racing and before I knew it, I was at the corner where I was supposed to meet them. It was pretty hot outside and I wiped the sweat beads from my forehead. I was surprised that they weren't here yet. I never would've guessed they would be late for the 'meeting.'
It moves a little fast, can you try working some more description in here, and a bit more of her actual thoughts? Also try to avoid using 'was' when you can, because while there's nothing wrong with it, using other words can help the story to be more engaging.

Suddenly, a large black vehicle pulled up.
What sort of vehicle? Limo, truck, mercedes, whatever?

Three men stepped out of the car, each with equally bald heads and mysterious black sunglasses. They also each had black microchips in their ears, which I assumed were supposed to be unnoticed.
I like the first sentence, but the second sentence feels a little out of place to me . . . can you find a different way to say it, one that's more showing than telling?

I could hear a muffled, almost silent noise coming from them.
Again, the showing vs. telling thing. Maybe it'd work better if you said something like, "A muffled, almost silent noise radiated from black microchips in their ears; I assumed they were supposed to be inconspicuous . . . but that hadn't worked very well."

"Riley?" He asked suspiciously.
'He' shouldn't be capitalized.

I folded my arms. "Riley." I said flatly.
I really like this, lol, Riley has such attitude . . . could you find a way to combine those two sentences, though, or at least change it so their structure isn't so similar? (Also, the second period should be a comma.)

"I'm 'Yuki.'" He said.
Comma after Yuki, no capitalization on he.

"Sounds like 'Dookey' to me," I said, unimpressed.
Lol, just lol. x)

"Hush," He said viscously.
Don't capitalize he, and it's spelled viciously.

"Alright." I said, even though every fiber in my body was screaming to rebel him and run. My feet stayed planted in the ground.
Seems like you could combine the 'My feet . . .' sentence with the one before it. And all right is two words, not one. And there should be a comma after it, not a period. (I'll just stop correcting the sentence punctuation and capitalization for the remainder of this chapter, though, since it's just gonna get repetitive. xD)

"Speak for yourself," I mumbled.
This doesn't make a lot of sense to me, considering where it is . . . idk, is there a different retort she can use? xD

Two of the three men took me by the arms and struggled to take me over to the black truck. I fought against them, but it was no use. The third man held my waist, lifting me above the ground. Soon, I reached the car and they threw me into it. I spit on all three of them and stuck my tongue out.
It's a really exciting paragraph, but it's over just like that. XD Can you lengthen it with more description and emotion?

There was no person in the front, driving.
I would put 'driving' right after 'person.'

I began to smack on a piece of gum I'd forgotten I'd had in my mouth.
Lol, I love this line, but it really kinda seems unnecessary. Maybe if she used the gum to pull something on the men later on, but if this is all we're going to hear about the gum, it probably doesn't need to be there.

But I hadn't seen him before: never in my life. But I knew this man.
I'm a real hypocrite for correcting this, but sentences should never start with for/and/nor/yet/or/but/so. xD Could you try something like, "I hadn't seen him before, never in my life . . . but I knew this man." instead?

The voice from the phone call.
Hmm . . . idk, but it might work a little better if you omitted 'call.'

But that didn't explain how I'd seen this man before.
This sentence I would actually leave the same, since it doesn't sound bad on its own like this.

"Hey," I said cooly, with a nod of my head.
It's spelled coolly.

"Oh, just the reg," I responded sarcastically.
"Oh, that's wonderful!" He said evilly.
The sentence structure in these two are really similar; could you find a way to change it?

"Someone else is also about to get a panties in a bunch," I countered.
"Yes. Business. The car is transferring you to a lab. I will be there. You will be speaking to me personally at that lab. You will be filled in on more at the lab. So, for now, enjoy the ride.
You're messing an end quotation mark, and can you find something else to say instead of that second 'at the lab'?

I really like how in this chapter, Riley started showing some interesting personality, like with how she's so ready to throw comebacks at the people taking her. x)

Thanks so much, again!
Thank you. :3

I know you're not supposed to use 'but' at the beginning of a sentence, sorry. >.< Its a nasty habit. xP

:3 No prob!

Lol, yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about it, because it can be considered a stylistic technique if you don't overuse it. xD It was only in there, what, three times? I only commented on the one example because the two sentences were right together, and that was a little too much, imo.

Ah, I see. Yeah, I must've completely overlooked that sentence, because when you put it in the corrections, it sounded really stupid. XD

I have a few more things to fix.