~ CHANGE. ~ FINISHED! ENDING POSTED! ~

o.0 Oooooh, revenge! Spicy. -waits patiently for Chapter 12-

Oh it is sooo good. I am like proud of myself for coming up with it.
xD
Chapter 12 up!

Oh snap! Well, that's nice that Cecilia's on their saide now. BUT YOU STILL NEVER SAID WHAT VP STANDS FOR!

I guess I haven't, have I?
It was going to be revealed in the end & be something embarassing, but i forgot what that was.
so on the original document I added a logical definition to the beginning
I decided it meant very popular.

Wow!!!!! Is there a sequel coming? Hmm? Hmm? HMM????? sorry... lots of sugar... But anyways! I love it!!!! I'm so glad that cecilia was a good person by the end! And Lance... I love him! *grabs Lance and hugs him*

Oh, wow that was anticlimactic. Dx But, at least I know now. The mystery has been revealed! -triumphant music-

I forgot what the embarassing thing was.. It was good, too. I was going to have cecilia blurt it out in front of everyone and embarass them but now I forget xD Oh well

conich wrote:Wow!!!!! Is there a sequel coming? Hmm? Hmm? HMM????? sorry... lots of sugar... But anyways! I love it!!!! I'm so glad that cecilia was a good person by the end! And Lance... I love him! *grabs Lance and hugs him*

I am actually planning on writing a sequel, after I finish this and take a break to edit it.

It will focus more on Jack's relationship with Lance, and her friendships as well.

I love lance too! I totally didnt even plan for him to be in the story but made him up at the last second. He is a combination of two guys I know plus a little extra stuff to make him more attractive... One guys looks, the other's personality.

Awesomeness!!! I can't wait! I'll make sure to watch for it!

Awesome...
Editing this will be a pain... I have never actually gotten to the editing stage of a story without already hating it. xD

It'll be worth it when you finish it though

Yeah, haha.

Oh gosh, theres gonna be a throwdown!! XD

Haha, not exactly, but it's good, trust me. xD

Chapter 13 up!

Oh, Cecilia. Who knew you were such a bad seed...? xD Oh well. Hopefully something funny will happen in the next Chapter. Tee hee!

lol She enjoys revenge
I'm writing it right now... you shall see. xD

Chapter 14 up!

OH DANG. xD Sorry, but that was pretty vicious. Jack definatley snapped.....! Heh heh. I enjoyed that. Can't wait for 15!

Except, one comment. You wrote "dispiced". It's "despised".
Sorry. Dx Inner Grammar Nazi.

lol
Oh I did? xD I'm not used to this keyboard (I typed that chapter on my moms computer) and it doesnt have any spaces between the keys.
I'll go fix that.
I'm the same way, I'm surprised I didn't catch that.

Ending posted!

Also, if you guys who have been reading the story could answer a few questions about the story... It would *really* be a huge help for editing/revising this. Just make sure you answer completely honestly.

• What did you think of the overall plot?
• What did you like/dislike about the main characters?
• Were there places where you got bored? Please explain.
• Any suggestions for improvement?
• What did you like about the book?
• What did you NOT like about the book?
• Does my story make sense?
• Is the plot compelling?
• Does the story flow or does it seem choppy?
• Do my Lead characters “jump off the page”?

Oh. my. gosh. I've been tracking this story since it was first being written, and the ending is BEAST. I totally vote for you getting this published.

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me!

That was so great! The ending was adorable, and I loved the mystery of Cecilia. Great job!

• What did you think of the overall plot?

Simple, but I think you did a good job with it. Some of the events were pretty creative, too.

• What did you like/dislike about the main characters?

I didn't like Jack very much. And it wasn't because she was annoying or anything, I thought she was just a little bit typical. I don't know why, but she just seemed to have a very normal personality. Nothing too extreme. I think Janyce fell into that same category with me, as well.

On the other hand, I really liked Lance. He had cool looks, from what you described, and he was the first to begin breaking away from the VP's and that whole little posse. GO HIM.

• Were there places where you got bored? Please explain.

Usually when Jack and Janyce were talking I zoned out. I think its because you put the dialogue too close together, not because they said boring stuff. I would try adding some descriptions, or actions inbetween dialogue.

• Any suggestions for improvement?

What I just said above, basically. Also, I think you should take the part out at the end where you outright say "Cecilia is a ghost". I think it's a little more eerie and leaves more to the imagination when you just have the woman say "she died 70 years ago" rather than having Jack clarify it for us.

• What did you like about the book?

I liked how you combined mystery with a simple clique story.

• What did you NOT like about the book?

I usually don't like stories told form the first-person point of view, because then the regular text tends to sound more like you're talking to someone rather than writing. However, that's a style of writing and this is only my personal preference.

• Does my story make sense?

Mostly. xD

• Is the plot compelling?

Well, I followed it this far, and I typically don't like these stories, so I would say it is compelling.

• Does the story flow or does it seem choppy?

Most parts flow very well, I can't think off of the top of my head where it's 'choppy'.

• Do my Lead characters “jump off the page”?

I mentioned before that Jack and Janyce don't for me, but I could picture Lacne and Cecilia very well.