Wandering Wonderland~ An VOCALOID/Alice Human Sacrifice fanfic! -Chapter Two updated-

Nice job so far! I think it could improve the story if you showed instead of telling - like, rather than saying Miyu is stubborn and protective, just convey it through her words and actions. But it's good! The plot sounds really cool. ^^

Arigoto Shadow-Sama! :3 (That's just typically saying Thank you Shadow! Sama is a term in Japanese for someone upperclass than you. ^^)
I shall start to try that advice, just later because I'm not in the mood to edit... *lazy* xD

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[center] Chapter Two: The First Alice vs. The Sixth!
"The first Alice bravely entered Wonderland, sword in hand.
Cutting down countless creatures, she left a bright red path in her wake.
That Alice is in the forest,
Locked away like a criminal.
Aside from the path she made in the forest, there is no sign that she existed."

Alice was drowning. Forever drowning in a sea of black. Every time she tried to suck in a breath, her mouth was filled with water. Alice looked around, trying to see something- anything to help her. But she couldn't even see a good inch ahead of herself. As an idea popped in her head, she suddenly tapped her arm, her leg, and then her shoe. With each touch, her clothes- a dark blue version of 'Alice's Dress' from Alice in Wonderland that reached her knees, black stockings, and white shoes - stuck closer to her body. She tugged on her shoes, then pulled it off. She stuck her hand inside of her shoe and pulled out a black stick with the ends tipped white. Put before she could even think about using this... magician's wand, her feet touched ground. She looked up, seeing light glisten above her. AIR! Her brain screamed at her. With all the might Alice's 4"11 body could use, she pushed off the ground.
When her head came above water, she sucked in the most amount of air she could handle. And she continued to do that for awhile before looking around her. There was land all around her, but the place was dark- as if it was night.
"Hello, Sixth Alice." A small child's voice said.
The voice sent chills down Alice's back. She turned around to see a white rabbit standing on the water.
"Laplace's demon*..." She said in a hoarse whisper.
The rabbit smiled, and a blinding light came from behind him, making Alice shield her eyes.
When she opened her light green eyes, The rabbit was gone, replaced my legs in dress pants standing on the water. Wait- What? She looked up, into the eyes of a man. She swam backward a few yards. He chuckled, and Alice got a good look at him. He had black shaggy hair, he wore glasses, he was rather tan, and VERY pale- Which gave Alice the impression that he was Laplace's Demon- and he wore black dress pants, and a half apron around his waist. Pffft. He's wearing an apron. Alice thought, biting her lip to hold in her laughs. Laplace noticed this.
"What do you think is so funny?" He snipped. Alice stared blankly at him.
He smirked. "Welcome to Wonderland, Sixth Alice."
Maybe it was the water getting to Alice- but when he said 'Sixth Alice' it gave her chills.
"And welcome to your world." He said, standing back for her to see.
The world brightened a bit- just as Alice did, but her world, was nothing as she expected. It was gray, dull, bleak. It was nothing to her. It looked so said, It was covered in forests, and there was the lake she was in- and near the bank of the lake was a door- dark blue and white, with the same crescent moon as the one on her cheek, on the middle of the door. As Alice-- Or Sixth Alice as the Laplace Demon would call her-- opened her mouth to ask a question- The blasted man had disappeared. She sighed, putting her head under the water, letting go of all her air and creating bubbles. She pulled her head up-- knowing that drowning would do nothing for her. She still had her dad's wand in her hand. She rolled her eyes, and tapped her head with the wand.
POP!
She shook her hair, glad to be on land again. She gazed toward the lake, still seeing the ripples in the water where she once was. Transportation. She thought with a smirk. She looked at the door infront of her. Biting the inside of her cheek in thought, she placed her hand on the door finally.
"Better late than never,"

"GYAH! OW OW!! STUPID BUGS! STUPID TREES!" Alice yelled as she swatted at the bugs flying at her, and tripped over tree roots. Finally, three whole steps into the forest, she faceplanted.
"Owww...." She muttered through the dirt.
She sat up, looking around as she used her hand to wipe away the dirt. Where am I? She thought dumbly. She arose to her knees, her stomach tying in knots. In-- now -- pure survival mode, she clenched the wand in her hand, which turned into something like a staff. It was round at the top, with a crescent moon in the middle. Then on the edges of the ring, were little golden stars, dangling. She held the now cold pole around her fingertips, bringing it close to her for protection.
"Hello?" She called out.
She heard crying in response. It wasn't that far away.
She-- with now pure elegant grace (*snort*) -- sprinted toward the sound.
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*Laplace's demon is typically what Alice calls "The Rabbit" From the original Alice in Wonderland. Also note: Remember the Tiny dream?

Ooo, Shadow-Sama? I like that! ^^

Lol, that's fine. x3

Oooh, that was a good one. :3 "Sixth Alice" has such an eerie ring to it.

heehee. ^^

Exactly.. I like it. I keep writing now...

-Updated-

*continues to finish Chapter 2*

Keep writing! That was cool.

What? Overprotective? I am not overprotective. Stubborn, sure whatever. But overprotective? *looks back up* Heh heh. Am I wise?
Good job, Onii-Sama.
Thank you, Shadow-Sama! *turns back to Alice* See?! You don't have to just say it, show it! That way people have to use their brains!

{That is really good Alice-Sama write more!!!}

Mioko, here you don't have to put anything in the brackets, you know.

oh...

it's okay. i wondered that too.

WAITING FOR MORE WAITING FOR MORE WAITING FOR MORE WAITING FOR MORE....