Saddle's Blog for 4/30/10 ~ It's MY book....*holds book tightly*

I have this....thing. I call it a thing cuz I don't think it's a "problem" and "issue" just doesn't seem like the right word to describe it. So it's a thing.

Anyway, the thing is I hate letting people borrow my books. It just....bugs me. I never know if they'll come back all beat up and destroyed or where they're being taken. I like knowing my books are in my possession at all times. I don't even like it when people ask to see my books and I'm sitting right there watching them.

The only person I would trust with a book is my best friend, but she hasn't ever asked to borrow one.

So anyway, there's this girl who I don't really like. My group of friends is kinda awkward and hard to describe, but I'll try. See, some of us don't really like each other. I personally don't like most of the girls in my group. Some I'm kinda ok with. Some I get more annoyed with by the day. But we all tolerate each other. So the girl mentioned in the first sentence is in my group. And she's reading the Percy Jackson books. She keeps asking for people to lend her the ones she needs, and she always asks me. But my thing and my dislike of her makes me really not want her to touch my books. So I always have to come up with an excuse. Luckily, she falls for it. But she still keeps asking and sometimes I feel like screaming, "I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE MY BOOK, SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

......

So.....anyway.....

NJASK is done! I found my open ended responses in the science section pretty epic. xD I always finished like 20 minutes early, so I drew a picture to go with my response in the space they gave us for that. One of my pictures was so epic. xD I think they should give me a perfect score on that question just for the picture. xD (Just kidding, but the picture is pretty amazing xD)

I can't believe there's only like a month of school left. I don't want to graduate. I don't want to leave my school. I don't want to leave everyone I've known since kindergarten. I don't want to leave the halls I've walked for five years. I don't want to leave my REACH class. I don't want to leave my teachers. I don't want to leave Juice. I don't want to leave the classrooms. I don't want to leave all the classes, even the ones I hate. I don't want to leave the lockers, even though I've complained about them for years. I don't want to leave my little zone where I know everyone and I know where everything is. I don't want to go to high school. I don't want to leave.....

The 8th graders in choir have to sing Seasons of Love. I hate it. I thought it'd be fun, but I hate it. I didn't get the solo I wanted, first of all. The solo I practiced for two years because I wanted it so badly. Then I get a solo anyone could've gotten, even without auditioning. (I had to audition for two other solos I wanted (one mentioned earlier and one in another song) and I got neither) And it's the shortest solo. (The other girl who auditioned for both solos I auditioned for got to sing the whole National Anthem) And I'm really bad at it. I'm all pitchy and horrible. Everyone says I sound good, but I really don't. I think they're all lying to make me feel better. I can hear myself and I am so off it's not even funny. And on top of that, it makes me wanna cry because it's an 8th grade tradition to sing it cuz it's our last year in the school and all that stuff. So I always think about how much of a fail I've been and how I've gotten nowhere socially since I entered the school and how everyone hates me and how everything I've strived for I've epically failed at so I didn't get and how high school's just gonna be torture for me and how I'm always gonna be stupid and hated.....so basically, I hate Seasons of Love now.

So.....

I always feel my blogs are so long when I type them, then I post them and they seem short.

Weather in New Jersey is bipolar. It was cold yesterday then in the 80's today. It's all confusing.

Well, I'm gonna end this now. Bye.

With love,
~Saddle


EDIT (cuz of more to add)
Facebook upsets me. Everyone is always talking to friends and since I have none, I'm like ingored constantly. One of my "friends" is better friends with my friends than I am. I get upset on there a lot. No one cares about me.....

I try talking to people on there. Like once I said something on my friend's wall cuz I hadn't seen him in a while. He didn't really answer that. I also sent him a message once. He totally ignored that.

People could care less about me. I'm always hated. No matter what I do, no one ever cares.

I get what you mean about people borrowing books. I'm probably the complete opposite, though - I tend to let people borrow books too often, and then the book that is returned to me - if it is at all - is like, beaten up or something. xD

Saddle... -hug- People care about you. Sometimes people see the message and forget to reply. That could have been what happened.

People are like, "Can I borrow *book*?" and I'm like, "Um, I'm not sure where it is, sorry...." when in my mind I'm like Bookcase, third shelf....xD

I hope....I only really talk to like three people on facebook, and one person we only constantly talk about baton....other people's conversation just die out....