I hate my life.

The title says it all. I hate my life.
I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore.
My parents fight all the time, and I think they might end up getting divorced.
My brother hates me to death and never leaves me alone.
CCD is sucking up all my free time and I can't do anything cuz of all the time I gotta spend with crap for it.
Most of my "friends" seem to be ignoring me.
I'm boring, and I know it.
I feel alone and isolated most of the time.
I'm jealous of my friend a lot. And I don't think I should be. She's my best friend....why should I be jealous?
But I am.
Her life seems so much better than mine.
I wish I had her life.
Things just come so easily to her.
She's not afraid to talk to people.
She's easily the most popular and most liked person out of our little group of friends.
Guys like her.
And then....there's me.
Boring.
Hated.
Shy.
My parents seem to hate me.
All they do is scream at each other or me.
Sometimes I wanna run away.
But I have no where to run to.
I'm stuck here.
Alone.
Forever.
The only thing that kept me sane was that I was able to do good in school. Honestly, knowing there was a place I could go 6 hours a day, 5 days a week where I could just relax and pick up on things easily kept me from jumping out a window or something.
But I'm not on distinguished honor roll.
Just regular.
First time this has ever happened.
And I am crushed.
Now I feel like there's absolutely nothing left for me to look forward to. Nothing to cheer me up when I'm down. Nothing to keep me from going crazy.
Most of the time I feel like crossing streets when I'm walking home when cars are coming.
Or finding a bunch of medicine in the cabinet and taking it.
I don't know what keeps me from doing that, but for the few moments a day when my mind is clear and I'm thinking straight, I'm glad there's something that keeps me from doing that.
I usually have a headache.
Or I feel hollow.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't know what's wrong with my life.
But I hate it.
And I want it to change.
But it never will.
Ever.

Sorry, I needed to vent.

Saddle, listen.
You can't hate your life.
If you've read my thread yet, you would see that I'm feeling kind of depressed at the moment too. But I don't hate my life. It's just not healthy. Everyone feels depressed at one time or another, and that's okay.
What you have to realize is that time will pass. You will get through this. Remember, however long the night is, dawn will break.
Don't put yourself down with what you think you're doing wrong. Cheer yourself up with what you're doing right. There's always something you can be thankful for, and can be happy about.
So you're parents fight. So do mine. My mom is an alcoholic. My parents fought after my dad found out, and they might have gotten divorced, but instead, my mom got help, and she's getting a lot better. I know that even though this happens, they still love me, and so do your parents.
You just have to look at the good things in life. We can't all be optimists all the time, but we can attempt to happy.
That's what you need to do.
It's okay to be sad.
But remember,
there's always someone who loves you.

(And to the last part of your post, I'll send you a PM about that. Not sure if I could post it here.)

Saddle, never ever think like that.

You are a totally amazing person, and, you know what? Some of the greatest authors had really bad lives before that.
J.K. Rowling was a nearly-homeless, single mother with a dream. Now look where she is.
You're going to pull through, girl. I know you will.
You're a great and fantastic friend, and always remember that, no matter what, someone loves you. Jesus. He won't let you down.

Dear SaddleClub. Please remember that there are people like us who care about you.
I hope that you'll wait for things to get better; it would be absolutely horrid to lose you.
You can do so much if you keep on trying. No matter how long it takes for things to improve, it's better than facing death.
You're such a sweet person, you deserve to have a good life, so please continue to face these challenges and know that if you have anything that you want to talk about, I'll listen.

Aww, Saddle. *huggle* I'm so sorry things are tough for you . . . my life is kinda like yours, too, sometimes. Just remember that everyone here on Twig cares about you. You're a really awesome buddy, and you don't deserve this. You'll get through it, though, I promise.

There's a nice little quote I saw once. "When you're down to nothing, God's up to something." It cheers me up when I feel like crap . . . maybe it'll help you, too.

Thanks everyone. I've kinda felt better since I've posted this. I think maybe my main problem was I had to like say it or something instead of just keeping it inside.

Yeah, that's always something that makes me feel better, too. Just getting your feelings out, even if you don't show anyone, is so much better than keeping them inside. I'm glad you're not so sad anymore . . . I'll be praying for you.

Thanks, Shadow

Thanks. I just wish I had something I could think of to cheer me up when I'm really down....something I can look forward to....I need to find something....

I've tried looking forward to that, but I can't. It'll be different then. I'm running out of time to have happy childhood memories and such. And I was expecting to have a lot of happy 8th grade memories. The winter social, graduation, blah blah blah....so far, none of that seems like it'll be happy. I have like no life, I do basically nothing on weekends or breaks from school....I feel like I barely have any friends....I really have no idea what gets me out of bed through the morning and pulls me through the day.

We have a MADCAP dance (town organization group thingy sponsers it, that's why it's called that) once every month and then a winter social in January. A guy in my grade already asked my friend to the social. (she doesn't wanna go with him, but that's not the point) No guy is gonna ask me, and it seems all I ever do at MADCAPS is awkwardly stand around with my friends or like "dance" when they are. Then try to see what the guys I like are doing. It's like pointless, I just go with the hopes that something good'll happen there.

I find it hard to vent to my friends sometimes. I don't really trust any cept one and she just doesn't get it.
Her current hardest problem is that there's a guy she met on a cruise she may or may not like. And apparently he wishes he spent more time with her cuz he would've liked her. Also, there's a guy in my grade she kinda likes, but my two other friends like him so she can't tell anyone she likes him.
And she thinks that's hard.
So if I start talking about my problems, or even just start complaining about Derek or something, she doesn't really entirely get it or anything.
So I just complain about Derek to her. And talk about guys I like.

I'm gonna try to solve some of my problems.
Like the whole Derek drama that's been going on since, like, a month after I became friends with him. I'm gonna try to end that Monday.
But not everything can be solved that easily.
I'm kinda shy. Not like anti-social, just shy. I don't really talk much or anything. And I'm pretty self consious. And I care about what people think of me. So if I try talking to people to make new friends, I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or they'll tell like the whole grade I did/said something stupid and then I'll be like embarassed to show my face in school and crud.
*sigh*

Don't worry, Saddle - haha, no boy would ever, like, ask me out. I'm too nerdy. xD But one day, there's gonna be a boy that's right for you. Who isn't Derek.
And parties and the like aren't everything. I never go to them, and I'm fine with that. Then again, you're talking to a computer-addicted writing/coding-obsessed nerd, so you might not have the same opinions, there. xD

I go to dances and parties and crap to try to be social. But there's like no point. The only friends I'm ever gonna have are the ones I've got. Which isn't many. xP
The only big party I was invited to -- that wasn't a birthday sleepover for one of my friends -- was in September for twins in my grade. I used to be like best friends with one of them -- she's a girl -- and she and her brother were like inviting a lot of people. They invited like all my friends, and we just like stayed in our little group. One point, I got kinda upset so I sat alone off to the side and two people who don't really talk to me often came over and sat by me, but that didn't last long cuz their friends came over and I was ignored so I left. xP