:: Ratty's randomly rattyful blog :: 2/17/10 ::

Today, I was arguing with my sister. I said "you're stupid" She said "your mom is stupid" so I said "your dad is stupid." She then went "your sister is stupid." I win.

Today, I was at a haunted house with my family. Whenever someone would jump out and scream, my mom would scream back. I asked her why she did this. She said "You know how it works. They scream, I scream..." and then a man in a mask jumped out and said "We all scream for ice cream!"MLIA.

Today I was reading my horoscope in the newspaper. It started out with, "As you are getting ready for your birthday coming up..." I started to get really scared that it knew my birthday. Then I remembered how horoscopes are determined. MLIA

Today I walked in on my brother feeding my purple piggy bank quarters complete with "nom nom nom" sounds. He's 21, and I will never be putting my change in the normal way again. MLIA.

Today, I was looking up weird laws in Illinois. Apparently the English language is not to be spoken anywhere in the state. And it is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck. I'm not really sure if I live in the coolest state, or the stupidest.... MLIA.

Today, I got an iTouch, but I wouldn't let my brother touch it. He told me that I couldn't not let him touch it because then it would be an "iDontTouch", and Apple does not make those. I couldn't argue with that. MLIA

Today, I was talking to my little sister about how school went. She told me that when it started to snow (it was the first of the season), everyone started shouting and pointing out the windows. I found this amusing and it brought back memories until I realized that the exact same thing happened in my English class. The only difference? My sister is in 2nd grade and I am in 11th. MLIA

Today, I took the last seat in class next to a kid who I've never seen, and the first thing I noticed was that he was wearing a bright green fanny pack. Randomly during class, I said to no one in particular that I was starving. The kid proceeded to pull out a glazed donut from his fanny pack, and without a word, handed it to me. Thank you, new chemistry lab partner. MLIA.

My friend is Italian and Chinese. She is dating a black guy. We realized that, if they have a kid, it will be black, white, and Asian. In other words, a panda! MLIA

Today I saw a bird fly to a tree branch to land. It missed. MLIA

Today, I went to the bathroom at my high school during 2nd period. I heard snoring noises, then preceeded to find out a girl fell asleep on the toilet, and was snoring. MLIA

Today was Sports Day for Spirit Week at my high school. Everyone wore football jerseys and other sports uniforms. I think it's safe to say that I had the only bowling pin costume. MLIA.

Yesterday, my school had a dance. It was supposed to be formal, so everyone got dressed up. However, there were two people who thought "dressed up" meant "wear a gorilla and lizard suit to the formal dance". I later discovered they were two of my friends. Gotta love 'em. MLIA.

Today, my grandma asked my cousin what she did in school today (she's 9) she said "today we learned how babies are made." my grandma was shocked and I asked my cousin how she thought they were made and she goes "well you just change the Y to an I and add an ES"

Today, my 6 year old cousin asked me where rainbows come from. My sister immediately said that Unicorns Puke them Out. I think this explanation makes more sense than the old one. MLIA.

Today, my English teacher handed our essays back. When I got mine it had huge bite marks on the corner and she'd written a note. "My cat liked your essay" MLIA

Today, I was looking through the calender trying to figure out when the next Friday the 13th was. My mom says: "Quick! Flip to october! It would be so awesome if this year Friday the 13th was on Halloween!" It took us about 10 minutes to figure out that Halloween is always on October 31st. MLIA.

Today, my 70-year old grandmother tried to kill a spider on the wall, but she was too short. She then grabbed my fully automatic nerf gun and said "Say hello to my little friend!" and shot at the spider. When the spider was dead she blew at the barrel of the gun as if some was coming out of it. Best grandma EVER! MLIA

Today, I walked into class to see my teacher looking very solemn. He asked our class to have a minute in silence. Concerned if one of my class mates had gotten into an accident, I asked what happened. My teacher, in a serious tone, just said "Today is National lost sock memorial day." MLIA

Today, we had final presentations in my physics lab. The students were supposed to be peer review each others' presentations. The soccer guys did a presentation on soccer, and it was alright. The basketball guys did a presentation on free throws, and it was pretty good. The lacrosse guys? They did a presentation on baking pies. Including bringing pie for the class to eat. And serving it on heart-shaped Disney princess paper plates with pink plasticware. I gave them an A. MLIA

Today, we took Christmas pictures in front of our fireplace. On the mantle are 5 stocking hangers that are each a letter; they're supposed to spell SANTA. Last week I changed them to SATAN. No one's noticed yet. I don't know if I should tell my dad... MLIA

I was reading a MLIA story about a kid who tells his mom if he ever becomes a teacher he is going to make a multiple choice test where all the answer are C. I took my biology final today: I answered C to everything and got a 100%. Kid, whoever you are, I'm glad there's a professor with the same mindset as you. MLIA

Today at school we had a lockdown drill. Our door doesn't have a lock yet because of construction, so our teacher gave each of us a wrapping paper tube and told us that when they came around trying to open the doors to see if they were locked we were all supposed to run towards the door yelling and acting like warriors in combat while pretending the wrapping paper tubes were swords. Of course, the principal was the one who checked our door and was quickly attacked by 27 students flinging wrapping paper tubes. The construction workers had a lock on the door by the end of the hour. MLIA.

Today, I saw an eraser shaped like a pencil and said, "Wouldn't it be cool if there was an eraser that actually wrote on one end and erased on the other?" My sister replied with, "Yeah, that would be called a pencil." MLIA

Today, I was sitting in a really boring class. Nothing much was happening and half the kids were asleep. My usually quiet friend suddenly jumped out of his chair, jumped onto a desk, leaped across the room screaming at the top of his lungs, and slapped the wall. After 20 seconds of total silence, he said, "There was a bug...." MLIA

Today I told the second grade class I teach that I was thinking of a number between 1 and three billion. One guessed it. MLIA

Today I was sick and missed school. To find out what I missed in class, I emailed all of my teachers. My English teacher emailed me back and I found out that two of my closest friends solemnly told my English teacher that they ate me. Later, my Science teacher emailed me back to inform me that the same friends told him I was actually in class, just invisible. I have awesome friends. MLIA

Today, my social teacher was getting very upset that we were so off topic(we were talking about our older siblings who like to go to Canada to drink). He slammed the stapler on his hand and accidently stapled himself. He screamed a few swear words and said if we told anyone he'd staple all our heads together. Favorite teacher. MLIA

Today, I set my stove on fire while making fudge. My roommates response was to ask google what to do. MLIA

In my English class, we were given the assignment of writing a satire paper that would teach someone how to do something. My paper was titled "How to teach someone to drive" and was about two pages long. One of my fellow classmate's papers was titled "How to fail a paper" and was completely blank. MLIA

Today, I found out that when I was little I wanted to be a windsheild wiper. MLIA

Today, I was eating some chicken while checking MLIA. While my new dog from the shelter was begging for some, she laid her head on the keyboard. When I shooed her away and started to delete what she'd written, I noticed she'd simply typed "sad". I think she might have learned more on the streets than how to survive. MLIA

Today, I got new shoes and on the side I saw that it had nutrition facts. Im still confused, but happy to know that my shoes care about my nutrition. MLIA

Today, my mom told me that soon after I had learned to walk, I was able to crawl out of my crib, walk across the room, and wake up my older brother. And when he called my mom, I had somehow found my way back into my crib. I always knew I was destined to be a ninja. MLIA

Today I joined a fb group called "Teenagers who actually don't drink or do drugs." Cause my language is set to pirate, instead of saying people "like it" it says "raised a bottle o rum to this". I laughed at the irony.

Today, I was driving around town doing errands. As I came to a stop light I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your vehicle." Best. Reason. Ever. MLIA

Today, I spent over an hour searching for an alarm clock my younger brother hid in my room before he left for college. It goes off every hour. To this day, he comes home and sleeps with a stuffed Pikachu. Justin, I have Pika hostage and will feed him to the dog if you do not tell me the exact location of the hidden alarm. You have 24 hours after this is posted. MLIA.

Today, I accidentally cussed in class, whispering it quite loudly. Our teacher turned around and said "Did I just hear a bad word?" The whole class pretended to be baffled. She proceeded to say, "...I know it was one of you girls." She was confused as to why the class was laughing. I'm a 16 year old male. MLIA.

Today i was reading through my brother's kindergerten workbook. Under a question that asked describe a member of your family. He wrote John is very tall and short. He has dinosaur hair and we eat pie together. There is no John in our family. But i would like to meet this John whoever he is...MLIA

Today, the security guards at work called to tell me that an alarm had been set off. I had just left work, and hate getting those calls, as I'm terrified that there actually are burglars there. I wasn't even home yet, so I turned my car and went back. Getting out of my car, I grabbed a hammer, just in case. I went inside, prepared to beat the crap out of whatever movement I saw. As I opened the doors, I barely noticed some movement to my right, and smashed my hammer into it. Turned out it was a waving santa doll that set off the alarm. May he rest in peace. MLIA.

Today my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason being "I'm so A.D.D. its not you its-OH crap! A bug!." He then proceeded to chase it down the hall. I think I'll be just fine.

I just spent two hours making a blanket fort to study in for finals. Then I forgot to study for finals. MLIA

Today, I had a sudden craving for some ice cream. I went to the McDonalds drive-thru and accidentially ordered an 'oreo blizzard.' They told me to pull ahead and that it'd be ready soon. After a couple songs, the server came out with an oreo blizzard from the Dairy Queen across the street. I may make the same 'mistake' more often now. MLIA

Today in class, a guy walked up to our teacher and "got his nose" and then ran back to his seat. The teacher started yelling at him to give him his nose back and had a breakdown. New favorite teacher? I think so. MLIA

Today, we were studying algebra in math class. One of the answers was (d)(o)0(m)=20.12. I think it's a sign.

Today, while leaving my walk-in closet that leads into my bathroom, my daughter walked in to the bathroom from the other enterance, causing me to jump and yell: "You scared the life out of me!" Not missing a beat, she yelled back: "Well, I was going to go to the bathroom, but I don't have to anymore. Guess what you scared out of me!" and turned around and left. She's seven. MLIA.

Today my dad decided not to repremand me for getting an unexcused tardy at school, and thinking I got off easy, I didn't say anything. Later, my dad and my boyfriend and I went and got coffee. My dad turns to me and says "I hear you're late." My boyfriend does an epic spit take, all over my dad, and screams "WHAT!" Lesson learned dad. Lesson learned. MLIA.

Today I was surfing the net. As I read to the bottom of the page I reached for the mouse to scroll down. For some reason the mouse didn't respond so I shook it and clicked rapidly. It wasn't clicking either. I looked at it. It was my cellphone. MLIA

Today, my brother and I were ringing bells for Salvation Army. To make it more interesting, my brother hid in the big recycling bin next to me, and rang the bell. I stood by the bucket and shook my hand like I was ringing a bell. I got a lot of confused looks. MLIA

Saturday, my cellphone broke. My dad gave me his old one that's shock proof, fire proof, water proof, drop proof, and unbreakable. Today, I broke it. MLIA

Today, I made a sign that said "Platform 9 3/4" and hung it up in my school. I stared out the door window to keep count of how many people tried to enter the platform...19. History class well spent. MLIA

Today, while drinking water my rather quiet dog barked randomly causing me to spill on myself. She trotted away as if nothing happened. Later, I saw her cautiously sniffing so I barked at her. She was scared out of her mind and ran into a wall. Mwahaha. MLIA

Today, my brother was playing baseball outside. We heard a crash and some yelling going on. My brother proceeded to walk inside the house, sulking. My dad asked him, "What did the neighbor say?" My brother looks at him and says, "With our without bad words?" to which my dad replies, "Without of course." My brother looks down and says, "Well then, he said nothing." I couldn't stop laughing. MLIA.

Today, my lit teacher let this obnoxious student go to the vending machines during class. About 5 minutes later, the kid was still gone. My teacher smiled deviously, and continued to tell us that on average: once a year, 8 people die from vending machines falling on them. I think my teacher is educated in more than just literature. MLIA.