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The Sown Shadow - I haven't read anyone else's blogs today. Sorry. ^^;

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Post by shadowsowner888 3/9/2010, 11:41 pm

Written 3/8/10.

A Cinderella Story was so inspiring yet so absurd at the same time.

I mean, yeah, Sam finally stood up to her mom, learned to be herself, and all that stuff. But, please! It took her eighteen years to do all that? I’m fourteen and I’m already at the point where she is. Razz I mean, like, without a boyfriend. But I’m gonna get there! Someday!

Anywho . . . I really need this blog, because I have a lot I need to get out.

First of all, it makes me so mad when people like my parents go around ranting about how much better their lives could be. D= I get this all the time, and they think it’s going to make people sympathize with them, but really it just gets old and annoyiing. They make other people feel bad for their misfortune, and that just makes the people (like me) get mad at them because they don’t wanna feel like crap. I really, really hate that. I wish I could talk to them like I do to people online, because then I have the time to think about what I’m going to say and to give them generic smilies and I get a chance to force my feelings away. That’s why the internet is so much easier. I’m glad to feel like I’m in control of my emotions, like I’m nice to people and never get mad and nobody can hurt me.

But I’m more real than that. Admitting this is confusing me . . . I’m trying to get a grip on precicely who I am, but when I start feeling bad like this, it’s hard. So I’m just gonna shove that aside. I do get hurt, and I do get mad, and I do act mean.

Not everyone can do that to me, though. The only people I act mean to are my siblings. The only people I get mad at are my friends and family. And the only people that can hurt me are the ones I’m closest to.

When I don’t know somebody, and they try to make fun of me or something . . . well, sure, it’s a blow on my self-esteem. But I suck it up and remember who I am, and feel sorry for them that they don’t know it themselves. I don’t let it get to me. But when I’m close to people . . . I feel like they do know who I am . . . and if they don’t care and act like little snots because of it, that’s what makes me mad.

I thought that maybe my best friend (in RL) was nice enough to accept the real me. But she can’t do that if she’s cherishing half of me and telling me to get rid of the other half.

I got a message from the conceited - augh. I don’t want to call her names, but at this point I’m just confused, cus I’m trying to figure out just how I should be reacting to this.

Okay, well, I got a message from her on Shelfari. It was along the lines of, “Steph, don’t get mad at me for saying this, because it’s just how I am, but you’re way too obsessed with romance. I saw a lot of your reviews on Shelfari, but don’t worry, it’s just a phase.”

Oh, gosh, just reading that over again is giving me a “howdareyou” reaction. Here is how I’d like to respond to her, now that I’m thinking it over:

“Look, Ann, I don’t care what you think of me. Whether it’s a phase or not, it’s a part of who I am, and I’m not going to let anyone tell me that there’s anything wrong with me. I’m exactly who I’m meant to be, and you’re just going to have to accept that. Take me for exactly who I am or not at all.”

But I don’t want to overreact, and I don’t know whether she’s telling me the right thing. Yes, I’m just fourteen, I’m not allowed to date, and so it’s not really logical of me to be so obsessed. But is it so wrong that it’s who I stinking am?

The part that irks me is that she’s just seeing the tip of the iceberg. Even though she’s right . . . all she saw was stuff like, “It had romance, action, and fantasy, three things I love in a book” or “They make such a cute couple! They’re so lucky”. WHERETHEFREAK - gyaaaaah. >.<

Now, none of you are going to see this until I even deal with her. I’ll end up posting it after I get back from my girls’ club thing, and that’s at Ann’s, so . . . yeah. I’m gonna face her in the face (sorry, I had to say that xD) and tell her exactly what I said above. Because, you know what, I’m disgusted with this. First she was bugging Gri for going around and airdrumming. He can do it if he likes. There’s nothing wrong with it. Just realizing that is making me think that she’s the one in the wrong, though I’m not sure. Let me know, and be honest, please.

But, yeah. She goes around bugging Gri about that, and to get over his crush, and she bugs me because she doesn’t “approve” of my crush on Jamie and Joe . . . well, you know what, even if it is in her nature to try and make others lose the traits she doesn’t like, I don’t care. I’m going to tell her what I think, and if she doesn’t accept me for who I am, then that’s it. I’ll convert and just acknowlege that my very best friend is online.

Because, to be honest, that’s what I’ve been thinking for the past couple weeks. You guys are the ones I want to talk to, and the ones I know I can trust, and the ones that I’ve got the mutual acceptance of each other with. Not with anyone online . . . heck, I swear, I’m planning on inviting some of you to my real wedding someday. I’m not even kidding. I mean, I’d understand if you wouldn’t come, especially for a particular one of you who won’t read this and lives in Canada and probably don’t even think I mean it, but I swear, you’re gonna be invited. (No, it’s not just Komoda. xD There’s a ton of you I’mma invite. I’m just mentioning her because she’s the only one that knows about this so far.)

You’re the ones I’d rather be friends with for the rest of my life. Even if you act different in real life, I don’t care, because I know that I already love you for whoever you really are, and that’s not changing.

So here I am, spilling out my heart to you guys. Do I feel better now? Not sure. But I do know that you’re even closer to me than people in real life. Closer than Ann, closer than Joe, closer than everyone but Natalie.

Ahh, Natalie. <3 I really don’t deserve you. You’re such a great friend to you, but I keep forgetting to pay as much attention to you as everyone else. D= And yet, you still accept me. You know I’ve hurt myself because of my parents, you know how I feel about Joe and you’re happy for me, you . . . it’s like I know you online, too. I mean, I don’t, because you would’ve told me. But you’re like one of my online friends . . . and that’s the kind of person that should be my best friend. Not Ann, if I’m being honest with myself.

But Ann’s still my friend . . . and I’ve already broke up with one ‘BFF,’ and she still doesn’t know that I think of her any differently. I don’t know if I could handle having two not-really-BFFs. ._. I know I should tell Deborah, but I can’t . . . I don’t want to hurt her.

Tell me I’m immature for it all. Go ahead and do it, if it’s true, because I’d rather know. Razz

Ily all. <3 I set my computer desktop just for you. It’s got all these hearts with “ILY” in the middle. Because of my online buddies.

Speaking of which . . . did you know that, in A Cinderella Story, this girl found her true love online, and they didn’t even know that they knew each other for real? :O I think that’d be the most amazing thing ever. That movie had a wicked plot.

I just think it’s ridiculous that it took her so dang long to find herself. Razz Aaaand . . . we’re back to the beginning of my blog again.

Well, thank you for reading. There may be an edit, there may not be, after I go through things with Ann. I’ll let you know. And I really hope this isn’t the wrong decision, but tell me if you think it is, please. xD I’m just seeing how I go if I make a decision by myself for once, without relying on anyone else.

1. Do you think I’m making the right choice?
2. Would you come to my wedding if I invited you and we were all adults and we were still friends and I signed a contract stating that if I was a stalker I would happily be arrested?
3. What’s one word that describes me? Honesty counts!
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Extra credit if you pick the right answer. smug (Hint: MLIA!)

Now, I want you to go tell somebody you love them, smile at them, and give them a big hug. Absolutely anyone you want, just so long as you spread the love. ^^ As for me doing so - I love you. *huggle*

PS: I haven’t edited even an hour today and it’s eleven. :O Ah well, screw it. I’mma reply to roleplays and read more of Healers instead.

EDIT: Well, it all worked out with Ann. x3 It wasn't even a major confrontation or anything . . . we just talked about how she hurt my feelings, and she said she wouldn't try doing anything like that again. I'm so glad. *relieved sigh*
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Post by Avé 3/10/2010, 12:11 am

I've always loved that movie. Smile I'm glad things worked out with Ann. I hope they can stay that way.

1. Do you think I’m making the right choice? nod
2. Would you come to my wedding if I invited you and we were all adults and we were still friends and I signed a contract stating that if I was a stalker I would happily be arrested? Yes. Only if you come to mine. xD
3. What’s one word that describes me? Epic. If that counts.
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Extra credit if you pick the right answer. (Hint: MLIA!) Is this some kind of trick question? xP
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Post by rattyjol 3/10/2010, 12:28 am

1. Do you think I’m making the right choice? Yeah. Smile
2. Would you come to my wedding if I invited you and we were all adults and we were still friends and I signed a contract stating that if I was a stalker I would happily be arrested? TOTALLY. Even though I hate weddings and formal events and stuff. It'd be worth it just to meet everyone in person. xD
3. What’s one word that describes me? Honesty counts! Hmm... Awesome. nod
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Extra credit if you pick the right answer. (Hint: MLIA!) MLIA answer: Ninja! Very Happy Realistic answer: I dunno... maybe a writer... or an architect?
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Post by Arianna 3/10/2010, 2:31 am

1. Do you think I’m making the right choice? Yup.
2. Would you come to my wedding if I invited you and we were all adults and we were still friends and I signed a contract stating that if I was a stalker I would happily be arrested? Yes! Very Happy
3. What’s one word that describes me? Honesty counts! Annoying. jk, I mean awesome.
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Extra credit if you pick the right answer. (Hint: MLIA!) Computer Programmer. xD
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Post by FOREIGN?! 3/10/2010, 10:17 am

1. Do you think I’m making the right choice? I do believe you are. nod
2. Would you come to my wedding if I invited you and we were all adults and we were still friends and I signed a contract stating that if I was a stalker I would happily be arrested? HECK YESSSSS! xD
3. What’s one word that describes me? Honesty counts! Amazing. nod
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Extra credit if you pick the right answer. (Hint: MLIA!) TALL!! Very Happy
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Post by shadowsowner888 3/10/2010, 9:04 pm

Dude Avvy:
:3 Thanks.
2 - Of course! Very Happy
3 - Yay! Very Happy
4 - No, not at all! nod You just don't get extra credit if you say a normal answer.

Pumpkin:
2 - WOOT! Very Happy
3 - Thank you! ^^
4 - Wrong answer! I'm sorry. xD Good try, though. Wait - an architect?! :O Zomg!

Rainbow:
2 - YEAAAAH! :3
3 - xD Thank you.
4 - :O Dude, that's epic.

Japan:
2 - SWEEEEEET. :O (Wow, how nice, I'm getting my guest list finalized and I don't even have a clue who I'll end up marrying. xD)
3 - x3 Thankyuuu.
4 - o.0 Dude!! That's a good one . . . so close, but I'm afraid it's wrong.

All right, here's the right answer to numba four. xD
Spoiler:
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Post by rattyjol 3/10/2010, 9:10 pm

Why am I Pumpkin? xD

Yeah, Elizabeth suggested it because I'm working with Google SketchUp in computer class. That's like Plan B or C or maybe D, though. xD

Ohhhhh, riiiiiiiight. I remember that one. xD
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Post by FOREIGN?! 3/10/2010, 9:22 pm

Dangit. So close. xD
I'm Japan? *ponders*
OHHHHH, FOREIGN, LIKE, A FOREIGN COUNTRY, LIKE, JAPAN. I GET IT! xDD
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Post by Jinx 3/10/2010, 9:25 pm

1. Do you think I’m making the right choice? Hm. I'm not good with friends. Don't have many in RL.
2.
Would you come to my wedding if I invited you and we were all adults
and we were still friends and I signed a contract stating that if I was
a stalker I would happily be arrested? Hecks yeah!
3. What’s one word that describes me? Honesty counts! Hm. Stephanie!
XD (Me lunchtable-persom asked me that. I told her that too) But truthfully, Obsessive.
4. What do you want to be when you grow up? Extra credit if you pick the right answer. A Psychologist...?
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Post by shadowsowner888 3/10/2010, 9:45 pm

Pumpkin: Cus! Very Happy Ratty jack-o-lantern!
Well, I think that's awesome. nod
xD Lol, I'd hope you would!

Japan: Now that, my dear, is entirely correct. nod

Vampire:
2 - Yay! :3
3 - OH SWEET! I think those are both perfect answers, actually, especially "Stephanie." xD
4 - >3 (I'm sorry for that smiley. xD I just started imagining what it'd have been like if you accidentally said "a psycho." Now that would certainly not be what you're trying to say.)
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Post by Jinx 3/10/2010, 9:50 pm

I hope you don't mean girly twilight vampires.
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Post by shadowsowner888 3/10/2010, 10:03 pm

No, no, I was thinking of cats and then I thought of witches and then I thought of other things one might be on Halloween. nod
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Post by Jinx 3/10/2010, 10:06 pm

Goooood. *Suspicous look*
XD
Even though I do not like twilight i can tell I have been bestowed with a great honor.
Arigatō, Kumori Sundahvor.


Last edited by Black Cat on 3/11/2010, 7:33 am; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Jesus4Eternity 3/10/2010, 10:06 pm

I'm glad things worked out, Shad. Friends fighting really stinks. Razz
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Post by shadowsowner888 3/10/2010, 10:28 pm

Douitashimashite, Mea. ^^ *reps for using special name*

Thanks Amanda. Smile I agree.
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Post by Jinx 3/11/2010, 8:49 pm

*Bows*
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