.: Pugs Freewrites :.

Heartbreak High School - First post, first page
Shadows in the Dark - Fourth post, first page
Endless Tears - Fifth post, first page
No Light at the End of the Tunnel - Sixth post, first page
Lost Cause - Seventh post, first page
A House is Not a Home - First post, second page

Heartbreak High School

I crossed my arms over my chest and sat down on my friend Rose's bed, handing her a tissue. She snatched from my hand and hid her face in her arms, crying her eyes out. I've been sitting here listening to her cry for about half an hour now and I wasn't feeling sympathetic anymore. We've all been hurt by our boyfriends, because high school boyfriends won't last forever. The only difference between Rose and I is that I would never cry about it, most of the time. And if some tears fall, I get over it. Rose holds a grudge for what feels like forever.
Finally, I had to speak up. "That's it," was all I said at first, but after I got a confused look from Rose, I continued. "No more boys for now. I don't want to see either of us get hurt again. There was silence for a little bit as Rose absorbed what I was saying, and then she nodded slowly, taking another tissue to wipe away her tears.
"You're right," she whispered. "I'm going to forget about Jake. And at least for now, no guys in our lives." I smiled and put my arm around her.
"Perfect," I said. But I didn't tell her that I looked out the window at a boy from school that was passing by her house and started to obsess over him. No more boys, no more boys. This wasn't going to be easy.
And, oh yeah. How am I going to explain this to my current boyfriend, Chris? "Sorry, I'm breaking up with you for no reason, except that I promised my friend I would. But you're really nice."
Rose was so happy about my idea; I couldn't take it back. But Rose doesn't have to know about Chris. I'll make her one thing, and he can think another. It will be difficult, but do I have another choice?

[[Hmmph. This isn't very good. xD But I've had this idea so whatever. Here it is.]]

Poor Chris. XDD

Zomg, Rose and Jake? *insert ranblings about American Dragon: Jake Long*

xD I know, right??

Hehe, I don't watch that, but it's weird how that turned out. xD

Yush. :O And Rose and Jake were even in love! But Jake always seemed to be the heartbroken one, not Rose. xD

Shadows in the Dark

"Vanessa," I heard it out of no where. I was sitting in a place only I knew, deep inside the woods that lived behind my house. I was sitting on the grass with my book and a notebook with a pencil next to me, and then I heard something whisper my name. Right before that happened, the sun disappeared; it must be caught behind a cloud. I jumped, startled.
My voice was shaking as I replied, "Who is that?"
But there was no response. Was it just the wind? Or could it be something alive?
"Vanessa," it called again. The voice was cold, and it was stretching out the word as if it wasn't sure if that was the right name. Suddenly I realized the voice was familiar, but I couldn't figure out who. It's like that part of my brain went blank, and everything there was just a blur.
Suddenly, I saw a silhouette- no, it's a shadow. But it's dark; no light has gotten through here since the voice whispered the first time. I wasn't wearing glasses, and I squinted to see who the figure was. It couldn't have been my shadow, right? It hadn't been there before.
I blinked to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. But no, the figure stayed. "Vanessa, I love you."
Just then I knew who it was. My old boyfriend from three years back, but he had died in a motorcycle accident!
I wasn't sure what to believe.

What would happen if you ran out of tears?

I don't think I can cry anymore. What's the point of crying, anyway? Just a reminder that you're weak, that you gave in? I've been crying for a week and a half and I don't think I have the strength to let another tear fall. My eyes are bright red and my throat is dry. I'm a mess. And if that's not bad enough, I have to deal with the constant guilt.
I'm the reason she commited suicide.
I should have known better. I shouldn't have made fun of her. But how else could I get on top? No one wants to be friends with someone so innocent. People are attracted to danger. And that's what I am. My middle name could be danger (but that would be strange- Hi, I'm Lily Danger Goldberg, nice to meet you!). But it didn't always start that way. I used to be the goody girl, the teachers pet, up until the first year of high school. Braces off, contacts took glasses place, and something in my mind must have changed as well. I came back to school after that summer completely different, but that still wouldn't get me to become very popular. I had to be mean.
I started to bully the nerdy kids, the easy targets. Then I went for the average kids, and even some of the jocks. One of the average kids I bullied was Ellen Matsui. She was really ncice and she even used to be my friend. I knew everything about her, so I used that to my advantage. But maybe that wasn't a smart choice.
Eventually, things got really bad with her. The bullying was physical. Sometimes I even brought it to the computer, just so she knew that she wasn't even safe at home. It was actually fun. I was addicted to hurting people, and I knew it wasn't good. But there was no stopping me now. I had come to far to stop now.
Ellen stopped coming to school occasionally. Her mom didn't know, but she would skip just so she didn't have to deal with me and my group. I thought it was hilarious, and I was really proud that I was able to do that. I felt invinsible and strong, like I could never die. I was pretty conceited, though, and was only thinking about myself. I didn't spend a second thinking about how Ellen felt, and maybe if I did things would have been different.
March 16. The day I got the news. Ellen had commited suicide. She cut herself with a razor. I didn't feel that bad for her until I made the realization that it was my fault. I had bullied her so badly that I made her want to die? I made her life worse than it would be to die at age 16. I felt like a monster. At first I was in shock. I just sat there in my room, not speaking to anyone. Who cared about me? I could cry, but no one would listen. I was ashamed.
Then I got a phone call. I heard the voice on the other line say, "I can't believe you. You killed her." It was Maggie, Ellen's (old) best friend. I threw the phone against the wall and started bawling.
"I'M SORRY!" I bellowed, practically shaking the house. "I'm so, so sorry!" But I could apologize a million times and it wouldn't be enough. Ellen was dead. I killed her. I ruined her life. There weren't words to explain the pain I felt, and the grief. I killed a girl who was once one of my closest friends, just for my own selfish reasons.
For the next week, I cried all the time. At school, I would run to the bathroom and spend the majority of the day there crying.
At home I would rush to my room and cry. School and my room were the only places I went. I wanted to shut myself off from the real world, the world full of oblivious people just living their lives.
Then I stopped. I walked outside and didn't cry anymore. I think I ran out of tears. Crying would never help me. Sure, it might be reassuring, but it doesn't fix anything. I ran to Ellen's house.
But it was empty. The family was gone.

No Light at the End of the Tunnel

I threw my graduation cap off, watching the black hats soar through the air. I didn't watch to see where they landed. I simply ran over to my parents and hugged them, then watched the other graduates do the same. It was the weirdest feeling in the world at that time, as if I had just climbed for so long, I couldn't count and finally made it to the top of the mountain, just to discover that I couldn't see the view. All I saw was fog. I knew where I came from, but I didn't know where to go. It's like the path just ended. I would be stuck there forever.
I never did go to college. I was too scared, too confused. Then it was a struggle to find a job, while my friends from high school who went to exceptional colleges were making a lot more money than I was. I was ashamed to be me, and it was just like I was back in high school, the nerd, the girl that couldn't do anything right. The one who gave up when she saw the fog.

(Hahahahaha, this is so short.)

Lost Cause

I had no idea what was happening, and all I heard was whispers. Every Jewish person filed in a line down the street, carrying only what they could fit in their bags. I had no idea what was happening, and I wanted to burst into tears. My mom walked next to me, holding my hand, even though I'm not a child anymore. But I liked knowing that she was there, that despite not knowing what was happening, we were still a family. I hoped my mom didn't feel my hand shaking.
The ghetto. This is the place we were sent to, hundreds of thousands of innocent Jewish people, my family, concentrated into a small area. There are nine people sharing a room with me, and if I try to get out, it's hopeless. Escaping the ghetto is a lost cause. Even if I did manage to climb over the ten foot wall surrounding all sides of the place, there would be a Nazi soldier waiting there for me, and he would shoot me on the spot. I would rather me here, overcrowded and starving, then do that. At least I still had my parents and brother.
Every day was the same. We got horrible, watery soup for lunch and a piece of bread with butter for dinner- about five hundred calories each day. I was starving, and I felt deprived from everything. It's unbelievable that I'm still alive; I've seen what's happened the weak people here. They become walking skeletons- just skin and bones. It's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. Then soon, they aren't walking skeletons anymore. They don't have the strength to walk. They are slowly breaking down into nothing at all. And then, once there is nothing left, everything the body could do to try to survive has run out. The well is dry.
Another lost cause.
That's not the only reason people were dropping like flies. Being in a small area with too many people means people will get diseases from others, and we don't have any resources to cure them. They die. No hope for survival. People die from the overcrowding, too. It's horrible. There's no escape. Maybe I could have gotten out after Kristallnacht, but where would I go? No one wanted the thousands of Jews that were desperate to escape. I had no choices anymore. The Nazis were smart, and I hated it. I hated that they hated me for my religion. It's something I can't even change. But even though they hate it, I love it.
I was writing in my journal when I heard a gunshot. About eight people were dead, on the street. A Nazi soldier was standing a few yards away, watching them. Then we got in his car and drove away. I heard another gunshot and saw a man fall to the ground. He had tried to escape by jumping over the wall. Didn't he know? It's just a lost cause. There's no way out of the ghetto.

Oh my gosh, this latest one . . . wow. :/ So sad. And the ending sentence seemed like the perfect sentence for it. Cus it's gooood and sad and wow and now I'm just repeating myself. xD I'm a sucker for heartbreaking stuff, okay?

Thank you so much. (:

A House Is Not a Home

10 years. How can I have been in the horrible neighborhood for ten years? I sat inside my room, staring at the four walls, and pulled my legs up close to my chest with my hands on my knees, then thought back at the day we moved here.
"Are we here?" I whined. My family- crazy, overly excited mom, dad with no patience, annoying older sister and me- had just driven across country, from California to wherever we are now and we were pretty disgusting. We all went a little crazy at some point during the trip. For hours, I had been asking the same question.
My mom smiled so wide I thought it couldn't be possible and clapped her hands together. "Yes! This is the street!" she chirped. I looked around the road, confused. Every house looked exactly the same.
Each house had two floors and was about as tall as it was wide. They were painted white all over, except the doors are black. The lawns are bright green and have one tree on both sides on the lawn. One is an apple tree and the other is a dogwood tree. None of the driveways had a car.
Every house was exactly the same as the others.
"Are you sure, Mom? This place just seems weird. No offense." My mom's smile didn't fade. She just looked me straight in the eye and smiled... wider?
My dad answered for her. "I'm positive... now, I'm not sure which house is ours."
Duh. How can you tell?
Then I noticed that each house had a light instead of a doorknob. Some were green and some were red.
My mom's smile didn't even flicker. "Let's just ask this man," she suggested, pointing to a middle-aged man who was taking a walk with his pet.
The man told us that you pick whichever house you want. There is a main house down the street where you get your key, which is really just a card with a black line on it that contains your information. You swipe your card on a green light, and the door opens and the light will turn to red, signaling that the house is taken. But if you change anything to the actual house or landscaping, such as add a swingset, it will disappear and you will be fined.
"Are we still on Earth?" I asked. No one heard me, but we were all thinking the same thing.
We did what the man told us, swiping the card and the door swung open. All of our belongings were already in the room.
In the beginning, I thought this was really cool. I mean, we didn't even have to unpack!
But then, I started to loathe the house.
On my first day of school, I didn't know anyone. The only residents in my neighborhood are retired or toddlers, and I haven't even seen anyone in grade school. When I walked into class, I was completely alone, and everything about me was out of place, from my haircut to my clothing.
Everyone looked the same.
Although their faces, eye color, and hair colors were different, they all had blunt bangs and hair pulled back into a ponytail. And they wore uniforms.
I had curly, layered hair down past my shoulders, and I was wearing a white blouse and pink mini-skirt.
The teacher and all the students glared at me. "I- I'm sorry." I ran out of the room and into the nurse's office, prepared to fake being sick.
Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Hi. You must be the new girl. I'm Diane and this is David. Do you want to come to our party tonight? It would help you get to know everyone." I smiled.
"Sure. I would love to come to your party."
I walked to the party, passing hundreds of different houses. One had a lawn flamingo. One was holding a garage sale. One even had a giant butterfly painted on the side with dozens of beautiful colors.
My entire body was filled to the brim with envy. I wanted a home like that. I didn't want to walk into a random, different house every day after school.
Ten years later, and I went to a Diane's party again. The same feelings bubbled up inside of me, so I took my favorite possesions, the ones I absolutely needed to live, and slammed the door. Then I ran away and never looked back.