The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today!

by **shadowsowner888** 12/9/2009, 5:36 pm

Holy freaking shriek. >.< Consider yourselves lucky you don’t have my mom.

I doubt you’re even going to be able to read this for a long time. Razz

*sigh* Lolz, I bet you won’t even realize how long I’ve been gone. Nobody really ever cares as much as I’d like to think . . .

But I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t want to give her that power over me. It’s too late now, though . . . I’m already starting to cry. *sigh* Whywhywhywhywhy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I’m not addicted to the computer anymore. It doesn’t matter much to me that I can’t get on. My only worry is in catching up, but at least I don’t feel the need to get on like I did when I’d first joined WI, and at least I won’t sneak on in the mornings before she ever gets up. Because I’m too trustworthy for that.

So why does she take me for granted?

I hate this. I hate that she’s a tyrannical control freak, hate how she doesn’t give a shriek, hate how she refuses to see things from any other perspectives. It always has to happen her way, and she will never accept any other explanation.

This is better. Now I have music. Even Evanescence has the desired effect - it blocks the tears.

Why do I want to stop them? I don’t get myself. I thought I wanted to cry, wanted to release it all. But now I’m straight back to not wanting to give her the satisfaction, even if she doesn’t know it.

Maybe now would be a good time for me to start working on Desperate again . . . if I want to feel the depression. Something happier would probably be the more healthy choice.

OMG. >3 That smiley totally makes no sense, lol. But I has a plan! evil

I shall go to bed at a decent time, wake up early, and work my butt off to get all my schoolwork done by the time they all leave for enrichment. Then I’ll have a good few hours to use the computer. If this gets posted before the evening . . . it worked! But if it gets posted afterwards, then apparently, the much less satisfying instance of my mom giving in probably happened. xP

It’ll work because she can’t complain about me not having done my work - which I will have. I’ll even go extra, doing Thursday’s work if I need to. Or at least part of it.

But let’s pretend for a moment you care enough to wonder. What brought this about, anyway?

Well, for the past two weeks, I haven’t been doing any writing for school. So she’s decided to blame it on me and ground me for Wednesday, and I think unofficially until I’m caught up.

And this is not fair. Not one bit. Because it’s not like I had a choice.

1. From square one, I was against the set-up. I’m supposed to be doing this with Gri, with her supervising us and such. Obviously, this presents a problem, because not only would I have to wait for Gri to be free, but I have to wait for one of her spare moments. But of course, she wouldn’t see reason, and arranged for us to do it all together anyway.

2. I always had enough time to do this. I would’ve done it, in fact, if not for her. She was the one who let herself pay too much attention to Bella and Z, who pushed my life aside for whatever she deemed more important, and just let me on the computer anyway though she knew I hadn’t got it done.

Well, now, not only is she playing the blame game, but she’s playing dumb too. She’s going on as if she hadn’t known I wasn’t doing any writing, and blaming me for it. But even if I had said I hadn’t done my writing, which I did in fact several times though she refuses to admit it, she would’ve let me get on the computer anyway.

But no. She doesn’t give a shriek about anyone but herself. Which is why she’s punishing me for her mistake, and refusing to let me on the computer.

How convenient, that she only ‘realizes’ this after I finally get her Christmas present ordered.

I know she’s not observant or focused enough on my life to know that for sure. Razz

But I think I’m going to assume that she does anyway. She doesn’t know me well enough to think that I knew better, so if I decide to get hurt and estranged for life as a reslt of this, she’ll have nobody to blame but herself.

This is why I like letting her not know who I am. I have an advantage.

I feel bad for Daniel Powter. >.> He deserves more fame.

OMG. I can do my songs now . . . I’ve got time. evil

So I guess it’s time to end this baby.

Seven Things That Make Me Happy

1. My guy friends. Especially Joe, cus he’s the one I see the most that actually isn’t full of himself. They make me laugh, light up my life, and let me have fun in ways that even my BFF would only scoff at.
2. Artificial watermelon. It tastes and/or smells amazing. Like happiness after a rainfall.
3. Music. All sorts - playing instruments, singing, even just listening to it. They all float my boat.
4. Jesus. Even when I don’t feel him, I know he’s there. And I’ll never fogt that.
5. Writing. Nothing compares. When I write, I lose myself utterly in Shadow’s Universe. I can be anyone, do anything I want, and anything can happen. Even just experiencing it through another character is like nothing else. It’s the highlight of my life.
6. Chocolate. Chocolate is Edward hugging Bella when he realizes she’s alive. Chocolate is a kiss from an angel. Chocolate is Jesus’s smile at you. Chocolate is an affectionate whisper.
7. Dreaming. Like writing, but on a whole new level - beacause not only am I experiencing it, but I’m actually there.

My playlist has Bad Day and Before the Storm, because they’re beautiful, sad songs that match my mood. xD

Thanks for reading . . . no clickies, since you probably already clicked them in my other blog, and if not you probably won’t click them anyway. Razz

But you can all have some chocolate. Let’s experience the love.

The Sown Shadow - Bringing you yesterday's news today! Chocolate

by **Komoda** 12/9/2009, 6:45 pm

I'm going to come through and read this over again once I'm done my homework (because of my whole pledge thing) so since I skimmed the first part, I'm just going to say that I did notice you haven't been coming on as much because your blogs are normally posted first thing, and there's normally a sea of purple on the thread from your daily posts. I do care, Shadow, it's just that I wouldn't have said anything unless I thought there was something seriously wrong. I figured it had something to do with school work or something, so yeah. Sorry your mom's such a control freak. Sad

by **shadowsowner888** 12/9/2009, 8:15 pm

Okay. x3

Wow . . . Smile

Thanks, Mo. Lol, I guess not everyone's as unobservant as I was.

by **Komoda** 12/9/2009, 11:22 pm

Yar welcome! :3

Finally read it all! Well, I hope things work out for you. I hate it when parents are so misunderstanding. Hopefully when she's in a good mood she'll let you have more computer time. Very Happy

And maybe it is good that you got her present first, because otherwise maybe you would have been too mad to get anything then you would have felt bad later on.

Yes, and chocolate pwns all. Very Happy

by **shadowsowner888** 12/10/2009, 12:23 am

xD Yay!! Thanks. I think it did, cus my mom came home and didn't kick me off . . . xD She's known I was on for about five hours now - holy shriek, I've been on a while.

Haha, good for her. xD

Quite. nod

by **Arianna** 12/10/2009, 2:22 am

Sorry about everything, Shad. Your mom seems pretty mean.

Well, good luck on getting more computer time. Smile

by **shadowsowner888** 12/10/2009, 6:42 pm

Thanks Ari! xP She is a lot . . . but sometimes she stays out of my life. xD

Thanks. xD

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