:: Ratty's randomly rattyful blog :: 2/20/10 ::

Today, I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. At the point where Cedric is murdered, I sent a text to my Twilight obsessed friend saying Robert Pattinson had died. I had her completely convinced and she was freaking out until she asked how he had died. I told her Avada Kedavra. She refused to talk to me after that. MLIA.

Today, I saw a tornado plan posted on my classroom wall. Written in red ink, it said, "Tornado evacuation: Stay in this room." I'm really glad my school's administration understands the concept of evacuation. MLIA.

Today, i decided that i want the epitaph on my headstone to read: "Today, I died. MLIA." MLIA

Today I was asking questions to a magic 8 ball type thing. After I shook it, the answer was "Not today. Llamas are on the prowl." I feel this is a completely acceptable answer. MLIA

In photography class we had to take pictures of things that looked like letters and make a word with them. Most of the people in my class made words like "love" or "hello". I made "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicavolcanoconiosis". MLIA

Today I went to a family gathering. My two year old cousin (the youngest of eight boys) was playing with a blue light saber and swinging it around the room. His eldest brother, eighteen, told him to cut it out. My little cousin promptly leg-swept his older brother, sat on his face, farted and told him to "feel the thunder." MLIA

Today, my dad came home from work to find his son wearing his football helmet, shoulder and chest pads, lacrosse gloves, and carrying a hockey stick; my mom standing behind him with a lacrosse helmet, and a can of ant spray; and me sitting on the counter across the room screaming and holding a bat. He thought their was a burglar. But no. We'd been chasing a mouse around the house all day and after two and a half hours had finally cornered it. Kudos Mouse. MLIA

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I was feeling down, so I went on mysterygoogle to see if I could get a mission to cheer me up. The first mission that popped up? A message from my ex, saying to send him pictures of girls' boobs. What did I do? The mature thing. I posted the message "This is my ex. He dumped me today." with his number on the site. 20 minutes later he called me asking why girls from California, Wisconsin, Ohio, Illinois and a guy from Wyoming all texted or called and screamed at him. Thanks mysterygooglers. I feel better.MLIA

Today, I obtained an eye injury from a foreign object. It was my safety glasses.MLIA.

Today my friend thought it would be a fun idea to play 'Tag' in the dark, by the end of the game we had both run into the walls 6 times. MLIA

A while ago, we had a quiz in American History class on a chapter in our text books that we were supposed to have read the night before. Neither I nor my friend, a French exchange student, read the chapter. He passed and I failed. MLIA

Today, while reading random facts I got one that said "at Andrew Jackson's funeral in 1845 his pet parrot had to be removed because it kept swearing." Go parrot! MLIA

Today, in Philosophy: The Language of Existentialism 101, I was assigned to write a paper, in the next hour, that argued that the chair the professor was sitting on did not exist. I had nothing to say, and I was already failing the course. So, I wrote the only Smart-Alec thing I could think of: "What chair?" I was the only one who got an A. MLIA.

Today, my dad sneezed from the other room. I heard him say, "Bless me. Thank me. You're welcome, me." I'm worried for his mental health. MLIA

I am a kindergarten teacher at a Catholic school. Today during class, we were talking about some of the stories in the Old Testament. I asked the class "who was the guy in the boat?" to which one of the kids blurted out "T-Pain?" I love my class. MLIA

today i woke up and my dad asked me if my younger brother usually talks in his sleep. i said 'yes he does, why?' my dad told me that this morning when he went in to wake him up, my brother said, "on sunday, i'm a possum. meow." MLIA

Today my friend handed me a sock of mine that she had found at her house. I reflected upon the sock in my hand for a few moments. I looked deep into her eyes with a pitiful happiness and whispered "Master has given Dobby a sock. Dobby. Is. Free...!" MLIA.

Today, we had a substitute in class. Right before she began to call the roll, everyone in my class decided that we were gonna say "chop" when our name was called. She started calling everyone's name and was confused at first about our responses, but soon went along with it. When the very last person's name was called, instead of saying "chop" he replied "timber!" and we all fell out of our seats. Easily the best homeroom ever. MLIA.

Today, it was "Woodstock Wednesday" at my school. Most people were walking around wearing 60s style clothing: tye-dye shirts, bell bottom jeans, beads, etc. Except for a kid in my Spanish class, who was dressed up as the little yellow bird from Charlie Brown. Woodstock indeed. MLIA.

Today, I found out that my grandparents wanted to name me Mary Chris. My last name is Smith. Say it out loud. MLIA

Today, I was walking down the high street past a highly frustrated mother desperately trying to get her hysterical toddler back into her pram. Eventually the mother pleads "If you just get in, we'll sort out ANYTHING you want!" The toddler immediately stopped the screaming, slowly climbed into the pram, strapped herself in, folded her arms and, looking the mother right in the eye calmly says "I want to get out". MLIA

Today, my grandma escaped from the nursing home the second time in two months. The fist time she hired a lawyer, this time, she climbed out a window and hijacked the delivery truck. I love old people. MLIA

Today, a new kid in my class came up to me and my friend and asked if we were related. She then said "I've never met her before in my life I don't even know her name" we then spent the next 15 minutes convincing him we weren't related. He believed us. We are identical twins. MLIA

Today, I saw a sign on a play place that said, "Play Area for children 48 and under." I'm glad that restaurants realize who the children really are. MLIA

Today, I saw a sign that said "Found: grey/brown cat with black bushy striped tail and black eyes, not house broken, not very friendly". The picture was of a raccoon. MLIA

Today, I learned that when I was little, my grandma bought me a Tigger costume for Halloween. I jumped up and landed on my butt then burst into tears. My mom said that they were scared to death that I had broken my tailbone. I was actually just upset that the Tigger tail didn't work. MLIA

Recently, on a mission trip with my church, a guy lost a tooth. Not to be outdone, another guy lost 2. The following morning, I woke up to see somebody dressed as the tooth fairy prancing around the room and throwing glitter everywhere. It was my dad. MLIA

Today, one of my best friends who's last name is Bacon explained his dads name is Chris P. Bacon. Yes, that's right. MLIA

Today, I locked myself out of my car in the Ikea parking lot. While waiting for my mom to come by with the other set of keys, I roamed around the store. After walking for a bit, I sat down on one of the display toilets and started browsing through my phone. A customer strolled into the display area, saw me, and immediately began apologizing and backing out of the display while I gave him a horrified look. This continued for the next hour. I have never been so entertained in a furniture store in my entire life. MLIA.

On a bridge on campus someone had graffettied "question everything" someone else had written underneath "why?" I haven't been so pleased about anything in a while. MLIA