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The Sown Shadow - Thank you, God. x3

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Post by shadowsowner888 4/12/2010, 10:43 pm

Written 4/11/10.

Just a note - this blog is going to have some fairly religious content. Consider yourself warned. xD

Anywho . . . I owe so much thanks to my priest. :')

Recently, as a couple of you know, I’ve been having struggles with being Catholic. Doubting my faith, questioning it, and just feeling so alone. As I said to Komoda, I feel like I’m underwater, drowning, and screaming for help . . . even if anyone was there, nobody could hear me.

I’m not as depressed as that makes me sound, because I’m honestly only referring to my Catholicism. Six months or so ago, I could feel God so well. It was easy to pray, and I never had a doubt that He was there. But now, though I still believe He’s there, it’s so much harder to feel Him. Amanda told me that doubting my faith and stuff means I had it, but I still felt so lost, even though I trusted that she knew what she was talking about.

Well . . . last night, I prayed. Asked God to help me get back on track, because I’d been being less of a good Catholic than I should’ve, and just to be with me and help me, to help me stop doubting.

Then, the very next morning, we go to twelve o clock mass, and get the interesting priest. Now, he’s an awesome priest, he’s funny, and his sermons are really good, but he tends to go over the hour so sometimes I whine about it. Silly of me, because it shouldn’t matter how much time it takes, but I’m still getting myself past merely tolerating church. ^^;

Well, now I’m glad it worked out the way it did. No, I didn’t see my epic Japanese guy, though I was looking all over for him. xP *sigh* But . . . the priest got to his homily. He started talking about Thomas the disciple, how they call him doubting Thomas because he refused to believe that Jesus was back unless he could see him and feel his wounds, rather than hearing about it. He’s going on, making it sound like a horrible fate to carry that name for two thousand years - and then the priest turns around and says it’s not a bad thing. Suddenly he’s talking about doubting itself, how having faith in something is 90% knowing it’s true and 10% faith in yourself that you believe in the right thing. Because, heck, nobody can know anything for sure. All we have is our intuition. No matter how much evidence points to something, in the end there’s always going to be that 10% of uncertainty, and we have to take a leap of faith and simply believe.

Doubting was good, he said. He said that if someone has faith and doesn’t doubt, either they don’t really have faith, or they’re asleep. (Quote not credit to him, though.) Doubting was normal. You’re always going to have doubts, and you have nobody to trust but yourself. You can’t talk to the people you know, you can’t turn to the internet, all you have is your intuition.

Then, he went on about Mother Theresa. She’s one of the greatest saints, but her whole live she was riddled with doubts about her faith. She was a saint because, through it all, she persevered and didn’t stray from her beliefs. She stayed true to God, and it was all the more rewarding for her in the end because of all the doubts she had along the way.

I honestly started crying. Because I got exactly what I needed to hear, and though I may still be feeling alone at times, I know that I’ll never really be alone. I prayed. God answered my prayer. He really is still here for me. He does listen, He does care, He does love me.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

On a less inspirational note, my mom started off being grumpy today. I feel so bad for everyone when she does this. -.- Everything she says has an undertone of hatred, she yells at people for making the slightest imperfect response, she even yells at dad when all he’s doing is being calm and patient and trying to figure out what she needs. Dad’s a great guy, even though he gets his moods now and them. He’s a good guy, he actually cares, he enjoys his kids and wants to be close with them.

Mom . . . well, sure, maybe she does too. But the problem I’m having with her is she does a pretty crappy as heck job of showing it. She has no patience, no compassion, no ability to see beyond herself, and always assumes she knows everything. xP I didn’t end up crying because of her, because her mood was better after we got back from church and I stayed out of her way until then . . . but I still hate when she does this. >.< If she was a person my age, she’s not somebody I’d want to be friends with, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Hmm. Now on a random note, I was playing Sims today. x3 My mom is immortal still, and she still does most of the work, and has like three relationships but they’re nothing but acquaintances. None of them are even people that live in the house - she just doesn’t have time. rolleyes She cooks and cleans and tends the garden, and once in a while she visits Largo and Piro (who live across the street), but she really has no life. It’s sad, really.

Ethan (my husband) and I . . . meh. Razz I’m only fourth closest to Ethan out of all the people he knows, because he goes off to work and when he gets back I’m usually taking care of one of the children. But we still have a really good relationship all the same. Ethan’s almost to the top level of his career - he’s a special agent! I’m so proud of him. x3 But the problem is, his reports and relationship with his partner are really sucky, but he usually ends up really stressed out if he does anything but work normally so it’s hard for him to get those back up right now. Razz Shadow quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom slash writer and musicion . . . she finished three books so far, one of them a bestseller, and every once in a while goes to play guitar for tips in the park if she can get the others to watch the babies.

Jacob, Shadow’s first child, is a teenager now. He’s turning into a real genius, and he doesn’t have a ton of friends because of how much time he takes to do school stuff, but the ones he does have are really close to him. nod He and Ethan also have a great relationship, and he really loves his little siblings. He’s more than happy to take care of them when nobody else can. Very Happy

Kayla is . . . really something? xD She’s sure turning out even better than Jacob. She started maxing out the logic skill for babies, and already maxed out the baby musician one, and she can walk and talk and use the potty! nod Jacob only got like three out of those down. xD She’s going to have a birthday soon and start going to school . . . they grow up so fast! tongue

Then, there’s a newww baby. See, I myself never thought about having a third child, so I had no clue what to name him, but I decided on Ryo. Very Happy He cries a lot. And gets forgotten. So it’s usually a little bit before someone can come and feed him and change his diaper and stuff. Poor little guy. D: I’m so done having kids - I'm horrible at taking care of them.

Then I decided to start a new game, simply because I wanted to indulge and make Sims of Hayley and Damian from my one novel, Falling. x3 I’m going to build their house soon, but I can’t decide whether to build Hayley’s family’s or Damian’s house . . . and I know both of them so well. Razz Well, I suppose I could try to build both on the same lot . . . >3

They also have a child now! Very Happy Whee! Her name’s Marissa. x3 She’s cute. I was fiddling around with the random genetics generator thing, and missed a lot of really cool ones that had hair like Damian’s but long, but then I just decided to go with one that looked like an adorable little version of Hayley. cheesy

Oh, and, I think I also figured out what my third Dragon Soul novel is going to be called . . . see, those are the books I was making Shadow the Sim write, first Dragon Soul, then Shadow Souls, and then a third one . . . I know exactly what’s happening in the third one, but had no name for it . . . and then I decided to call it Lost Souls. x3

Then she started a scifi novel called The Horrors of Bloodletting, but we won’t get into that. tongue

And lastly, on a death note (sorry, just had to say that), um - um - candy died! Yeah!

Mom: What’s this candy doing in your bed?
Son: Beats me! I gave it a good licking and sent it home.

nod Mmhmm. I’m sure he considers home his stomach, so the candy just died. Whee!

Oh, actually, I do have something that’s more on a death note that I never mentioned in my last blog. rolleyes When I was spending my day with Dianna, we decided to bike to 7-11 for slurpies. On the way there, I said, “Hello, sir, can we interest you in some chocolate? . . . Did you say chocolate? . . . With or without nuts? . . . Chocolate? Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!” . . . etceteras. cheesy It was delightful! She said I had no sense of “we’re out in public and people can hear me.” Then, after I showed her the video I got that from - the Death Note one with Mello, not the Spongebob one - I forced her to take a Facebook quiz about Death Note and then to let me take it too. nod She got L, and guess who I got? . . .

Mello. :3

Well, thanks for reading. x3

1. If you have children, what will you name them?
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod)
3. Have you ever met a celebrity?
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows?

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Post by SaddleClub 4/12/2010, 10:50 pm

1. If you have children, what will you name them?
I have no idea xD

2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod)
Catholic or Christian or somethin along those lines

3. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Nope

4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows?
Pictures from magazines, posters, other random junk
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Post by Avé 4/12/2010, 10:57 pm

That's so good that God answered your prayer - I'm glad that homily inspired you. Smile

You got Mello?! Lucky... -mutters under breath- XD

1. If you have children, what will you name them? Erika Lucy Keehl, Cheyenne Rose Keehl, and Jeraurd Mason Keehl. (Assuming I marry Mello, that is.)
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. ) Catholic
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? Hmm... I met an astronaut, if that counts? XD But no, I haven't.
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? Pictures of friends and I, a few shelves with some little figurines on them, and paintings. nod
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Post by shadowsowner888 4/12/2010, 11:04 pm

Saddle:

I have random stuff on my walls too! cheesy

Ave:

^^ Thanks.

smug

1. Niiiice. xD I love those names, though!!
3. Oooh. *-*
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Post by SaddleClub 4/12/2010, 11:06 pm

Coolio!!! (I forgot to include my calendar in my listing, so just pretend it's there xD)
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Post by LuckyPenny666 4/12/2010, 11:48 pm

Yay for you!

1. I don't really want kids. rolleyes
2. Jewish. Smile
3. I've never met any, but I've seen some. Very Happy
4. A bulletin board with lots of stuff on it. nod
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Post by Sharkbait 4/12/2010, 11:51 pm

1. If you have children, what will you name them? Ask me when I'm 30...or somthing xD

*Growls at the mention of Mello, least favorite character* xD
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod) Catholic, if that's how you spell it.....I'm Luthran now Very Happy
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? *Thinks* err....no xD
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? My calendar, two clocks...a pokemon: Stormfront poster....random artwork....and...that's it xD

Which Sims game is it! I only have played Castaway and 2 xD
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Post by Blue Aqua Wind 4/12/2010, 11:53 pm

aww. that's qreat God answered your prayer. Very Happy

1. If you have children, what will you name them?
Umm... I'm not sure about that yet. xD
But I like Candice for a qirl and Alexander for a boy. ^.^
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. ) Catholic. (:
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? Nope.
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows?
Random pictures of colorful stuff. xD
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Post by Arianna 4/13/2010, 1:12 am

1. If you have children, what will you name them? idk
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. ) atheism isn't a religion...
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? no
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? a charcoal drawing
*is in a bad mood*
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Post by Jinx 4/13/2010, 6:38 am

1. If you have children, what will you name them?
Uhm. Marguerite Eloise the Fourth ( After me!), and James Peter (After my little brothers)
It's family tradition to name your eldest daughter Marguerite Eloise, and one of your sons after your brother *Nods*

2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod)
I'm Roman Catholic now : D!
3. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Er, no. But the actor for Jacob lives up in my neck of the woods.
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows?
Lots of flower doodles (Weird Flowers, like ones with a kitten in the center for no apparent reason, or one that's made of bananas.) placed in a pattern. I let them peel off the wall then draw more and place them up in the place of the fallen. I say doodle, however 'cause they aren't my best works XP.
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Post by Jesus4Eternity 4/13/2010, 7:25 pm

1. If you have children, what will you name them? Um... I dunno, ask my future husband. xD
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. The Sown Shadow - Thank you, God. x3 899677) Shadow... please, use your brain on this one. nod

3. Have you ever met a celebrity? I was gonna. But I did meet the Hillywood peeps. Smile
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? Sticky tak from my Twilight posters, shelves, uhm... windows, lightswitch, mirror, basket-thingy, a lamp...
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Post by PugsRock 4/13/2010, 7:34 pm

1. If you have children, what will you name them? I don't know. It would be cool if one was Stacy. ^^ Then I would be Stacy's mom. xDD
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. ) Jewish
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yeah; Ashley Parker Angel. Does it ring a bell?
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? Poster of Taylor Swift with a quote (: Pictures, more posters. xD And a corkboard. And a mirror.
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Post by shadowsowner888 4/13/2010, 10:18 pm

LuckyPenny666 wrote:Yay for you!

1. I don't really want kids. rolleyes
2. Jewish. Smile
3. I've never met any, but I've seen some. Very Happy
4. A bulletin board with lots of stuff on it. nod

^^

1. I see. xD
3. :O Sweet!

Sealo wrote:1. If you have children, what will you name them? Ask me when I'm 30...or somthing xD

*Growls at the mention of Mello, least favorite character* xD
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod) Catholic, if that's how you spell it.....I'm Luthran now Very Happy
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? *Thinks* err....no xD
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? My calendar, two clocks...a pokemon: Stormfront poster....random artwork....and...that's it xD

Which Sims game is it! I only have played Castaway and 2 xD

2. Do you mean Christian? Because Catholicism and Lutheranism are sort of two different categories of Christianity. xD

Arianna wrote:1. If you have children, what will you name them? idk
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. ) atheism isn't a religion...
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? no
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? a charcoal drawing
*is in a bad mood*

2. Hmm, maybe I should've found a better way to phrase that, then. o.0

Sorry you're in a bad mood! D:

Black Cat wrote:1. If you have children, what will you name them?
Uhm. Marguerite Eloise the Fourth ( After me!), and James Peter (After my little brothers)
It's family tradition to name your eldest daughter Marguerite Eloise, and one of your sons after your brother *Nods*

2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod)
I'm Roman Catholic now : D!
3. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Er, no. But the actor for Jacob lives up in my neck of the woods.
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows?
Lots of flower doodles (Weird Flowers, like ones with a kitten in the center for no apparent reason, or one that's made of bananas.) placed in a pattern. I let them peel off the wall then draw more and place them up in the place of the fallen. I say doodle, however 'cause they aren't my best works XP.

1. Aww, I love those names. ^^
2. Ohh, yay! :3 *huggle*
3. 0.0 HOLYCRUD. That rules.

Jesus4Eternity wrote:1. If you have children, what will you name them? Um... I dunno, ask my future husband. xD
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. The Sown Shadow - Thank you, God. x3 899677) Shadow... please, use your brain on this one. nod

3. Have you ever met a celebrity? I was gonna. But I did meet the Hillywood peeps. Smile
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? Sticky tak from my Twilight posters, shelves, uhm... windows, lightswitch, mirror, basket-thingy, a lamp...

2. rolleyes
4. Sticky tak! Very Happy Zomg!

PugsRock wrote:1. If you have children, what will you name them? I don't know. It would be cool if one was Stacy. ^^ Then I would be Stacy's mom. xDD
2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. ) Jewish
3. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yeah; Ashley Parker Angel. Does it ring a bell?
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows? Poster of Taylor Swift with a quote (: Pictures, more posters. xD And a corkboard. And a mirror.

1. Niiiice. xD
3. Well, Angel rings a bell, that's for sure . . . xD
4. Posters! Very Happy *highfive*
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Post by Jinx 4/14/2010, 6:33 am

shadowsowner888 wrote:
Black Cat wrote:1. If you have children, what will you name them?
Uhm. Marguerite Eloise the Fourth ( After me!), and James Peter (After my little brothers)
It's family tradition to name your eldest daughter Marguerite Eloise, and one of your sons after your brother *Nods*

2. What religion are you precisely? (Just the religion, not the exact beliefs, to prevent any sort of arguments. nod)
I'm Roman Catholic now : D!
3. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Er, no. But the actor for Jacob lives up in my neck of the woods.
4. What’s on the wall of your bedroom, besides paint or wallpaper or windows?
Lots of flower doodles (Weird Flowers, like ones with a kitten in the center for no apparent reason, or one that's made of bananas.) placed in a pattern. I let them peel off the wall then draw more and place them up in the place of the fallen. I say doodle, however 'cause they aren't my best works XP.

1. Aww, I love those names. ^^
2. Ohh, yay! :3 *huggle*
3. 0.0 HOLYCRUD. That rules.

1. XD. I just put those cause I couldn't think of anything creative.

2. Nuuu! *Tries to free self*

3. His aunt teaches in a school right next door to mine and he comes to visit sometimes. There have been rumors (from my history teacher) that he'll being taking college at one of our local community ones. So although I've never seen him, I know alot of people who have.
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Post by shadowsowner888 4/14/2010, 11:19 pm

1. S'fine. ^^
3. 0.0 *MEEEEEEEP* I'm so jealous of you now!
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