Re: Hallelujah *Not finished* Chapter 11 From Luke's Perspective is up!

by twilighter3000 8/4/2009, 5:03 pm

I had to entertain my neighbors all day! lol! And it was sooooooo hot out!

by **DreamCatcher81** 8/4/2009, 5:38 pm

Haha I know! It's like burning where I live and normally its like cool and rainy! xD

by Doodles 8/4/2009, 6:56 pm

Wow, Danielle, I've read this story in your notes, in print, on your computer, on my computer, on my ipod, but here it just looks so official! I really like your writing, It's just too bad you write so slow!

by twilighter3000 8/4/2009, 6:58 pm

I know, yesterday it was raining, and today it was over 80 degrees! lol! I have chapters 1 and 2 completely edited, so I just have to edit 3 and 1/2 more chapters...

by twilighter3000 8/4/2009, 7:01 pm

I know, right? lol! Hey, I have other things to do too! [Unlike somebody I know]

by twilighter3000 8/5/2009, 1:43 pm

*UPDATE*
I found out I accidentally skipped a whole page of editing, so I had to go back and edit that, so now I have 3 chapters left to edit!

by twilighter3000 8/7/2009, 2:51 pm

*UPDATE*
Done editing! I also added a table of contents so it's easier to find everything! I changed some important stuff, so if you get confused, just reread it!

by twilighter3000 8/14/2009, 10:11 am

Hey, thanks to Pugs for nominating this for the featured story!

by **DreamCatcher81** 8/14/2009, 11:32 pm

Awesome! I love the editing! cheesy

by twilighter3000 8/15/2009, 10:19 am

Thanks! Sorry I haven't posted anymore, I've been super busy all week! I'll try to write more on Monday!

by **DreamCatcher81** 8/15/2009, 1:56 pm

It's ok. Awesome! I can't wait! cheesy

by twilighter3000 8/15/2009, 2:50 pm

I'm skimming through what I've written so far again, to get the feel of it, and I'm gonna try to write more right now!

by twilighter3000 8/16/2009, 7:55 pm

OML, my story's a novellette now! I have 7, 523 words written! I'll post the new stuff in a little bit once I've written more!

by twilighter3000 8/16/2009, 8:21 pm

The Kings of High School

I was still in shock over what had happened with Lizzie and that Ben kid as we walked to our Geometry class. Steph and Lizzie were walking ahead of me, chattering on about how unfair it was they only had 2 classes together, if you counted math. Apparently Steph was in Geometry, whereas Lizzie and I were in advanced math, which was Geometry 2. The attempt to distract myself from what had happened earlier was pitiful, as my mind darted back to the subject. Ben reminded me of a few kids from my family’s old apartment complex. Every time they saw a girl above the approximate age of 13, they’d be all over her. “Hey girl, what’s your name? Are you tired? Because my couch is always open.” They’d shout, snickering as she hurried away. Sometimes they’d get lucky, as they said, when a girl actually walked over to them, and a few hours later she’d walk out of one of their apartments, terror written all over their face as they clutched their stomach in disgust.
I shivered and shook my head to clear me of those old thoughts, walking quicker to be even with Steph and Lizzie.
“Be honest Lizzie, how bad was Geometry last year?” Steph asked, dramatically wiping her forehead from the weight of the math book.
“It wasn’t that bad; I mean, it was like your basic math class.” Lizzie responded as Steph pulled a face.
We walked into our math classroom, where the whiteboard read Mr. Dean, and where the geometry students were to sit, and the geometry 2 students on the other side. Lizzie said good luck to Steph as she took her assigned seat close to the door and we headed over to the other side where our seats where. I slid into my seat 2 rows behind where Lizzie was sitting talking to another girl. I took out my pencil, tapping it against the desk as I waited for everyone else to show up. We must have been early, because there were only about 10 people in the classroom at the moment. With lack of anything better to do, I eavesdropped on Lizzie’s conversation with the dark skinned girl next to her. Who, come to think of it, kind of looked like my Spanish teacher, Mrs. Gonzalez.
I could only hear snippets of what they were saying though. Something about instruments and keeping them clean, I think? Before I could listen more to try and figure out what they were saying, the guy who was talking to Lizzie during our assembly sauntered in and took his seat next to me.
“Hey man, what’s up? You knew here?” He said.
“Yeah, just moved in last week.” I said, and noticed that Lizzie had stopped talking and appeared to be the one eavesdropping now.
“Cool. I’m Brett Bravura, Junior.” He said, and I swear I heard Lizzie sigh as Sarah giggled quietly.
“Luke Kollins.” I said, and straightened up as a middle aged man walked in, who I took to be Mr. Dean.
He introduced himself to those who didn’t have him last year, and began taking roll. As he reached the G’s I was surprised to learn that the girl sitting next to Lizzie was actually my Spanish teacher’s daughter, Sarah. In a small voice she said, “here.” And sunk down lower in her seat as Lizzie rolled her eyes and whispered something.
Sarah sat up and glanced back at we were sitting, blush coloring her cheeks as Brett raised his eyebrows at her. I groaned internally, this was just great. Due to the reactions of girls around him and where he sat at the assembly, I now had a confirmation that Brett was the head guy at this school. Even Lizzie, who acted incredibly down to earth, was practically falling all over him. I rolled my eyes, it was just my luck to have to sit next to him.
Mr. Dean finally finished taking roll, calling the final name, some poor kid named Suraqah Zusaff. Mr. Dean instructed everyone on the advanced side to take out their books, and that we were to start reviewing everything we learned last year while he gave a brief into on geometry to the other students.
I opened my Geometry 2 mathbook and began doing the problems in my head. Brett just sat there staring out the window, seemingly unperturbed about ignoring what Mr. Dean said. I sighed and went back to the problems. It seemed like every school was the same.
An hour later and class was over, with Lizzie, Steph, and I walking to our lockers. We dumped our binders into our lockers and started walking towards the cafeteria, glad for a break from learning.
I joined the main line, which was pizza today, as Lizzie and Steph stepped into the sub line. I stood there in silence, not knowing who to talk to as everyone around me chattered on about their first day.
“No! She’s going out with him?”
“Dude, you wanna go dirt biking later?”
“OMG, no way!”
Their conversations whirled around me as I waited for the line to move up. I diverted my attention to where Steph and Lizzie were standing, wondering if I should have gone in that line. But I didn’t want them to think I was desperate, having been following them around all day. As I watched a tan, shaggy haired blonde guy stepped in front of Steph, flashing blinding white teeth at them. He said something, and Steph replied, looking flustered but pleased. He turned his attention back to the food, as they were in front of the buffet for subs.
Great, just great. Another guy who acted like he owned the place. Was there no escape? He slapped what seemed to be every kind of meat the school had to offer on his sub, grabbed a Gatorade, and walked away without scanning his I.D. card. I saw the lunch lady look up and call something, but it was too late. Steph said something quickly, scanning her card twice, and I was enraged to know that she had paid for both of their lunches. I looked away, disgusted, as they stepped out of the line, a grin taking over Steph’s face.
I finally got my food and paid for it, [myself!] and walked out into the lunchroom. My stomach went tight. With my disgust over the surfer guy I had forgotten about the lunchroom situation. I let loose a huge sigh of relief when I saw Lizzie waving me over from her table where she and Steph were sitting alone. As I headed over, it appeared that she and Steph were arguing about something, Lizzie pleading. I instantly felt guilty, because it was obvious from the way Steph kept glancing at me as I slowly walked over that it was over me.
When I reached their table where each of them had quickly stopped talking and were chowing down on their subs, Lizzie nodded at a chair in between her and Steph. At this school they didn’t have the long, rectangular tables that were the norm at most schools. These ones were round tables with chairs that sat up to 6 or 7 people. Since Lizzie and Steph were the only ones at the table until I walked up, they both had their feet propped up on other chairs, and I admired their air of confidence, even though they were sitting alone, instead of in a group, like most people.
“Hey guys. Is it okay if I sit here?” I said, watching Steph’s face. If she didn’t want me to sit with them, I wouldn’t.
“Sure, it’s okay, isn’t it Steph?” Lizzie asked with pleading eyes.
“Sure, no problem.” Steph said, and I swore I heard a sarcastic edge to her words. Lizzie certainly heard something, because she kind of gave Steph a look that said, be nice to him!
Desperately trying to diffuse the tension building in the air, I said, “Thanks for letting me sit with you guys---I swear, normally the worst part of starting at a new school is picking where to sit at lunch! That sounds really shallow, but it’s true, you never know who’s going to bite your head off when you sit with them!” I continued, plastering a big grin on my face.
Steph cracked a smile at that, and started grilling me about where I came from, my past girlfriends [embarrassing, as I’d had none], and my family.

There it is! You'll learn more about Luke's family in the next chapter of Lizzie's when I get a chance to rewrite part of it!

by **DreamCatcher81** 8/16/2009, 8:46 pm

Awesome! I loved the new part!

I added the new chappie to BTW too! xD

by **shadowsowner888** 8/17/2009, 9:05 am

Awesome new part! ;D

by twilighter3000 8/17/2009, 10:18 am

Thanks guys! Awesome, I'll check it out Dream!

by krislia 8/17/2009, 5:02 pm

I love this! I just read the whole thread.
its awesome Wink

Keep writing Very Happy

by **DreamCatcher81** 8/17/2009, 5:36 pm

You're welcome!

by twilighter3000 8/17/2009, 8:50 pm

Thanks Kristen! I'm glad you like it!

by lisa 8/17/2009, 11:10 pm

awesome story! write more soon!!!! Smile

by twilighter3000 8/18/2009, 10:04 am

Thanks! I'll try to post more soon!

by twilighter3000 8/22/2009, 8:33 pm

Surprises and Mistakes

Steph and I said see ya to Luke, and immediately began discussing the songs that we might sing in choir this year.
“No, I think we might go with a Sound of Music theme.” Steph argued as we turned the corner.
“Well, we know it’s not going to be a Disney theme, because that’s what we did last year, so maybe it’ll be old fashioned movies.” I said.
“Yeah, like the Sound of Music.” Steph said.
“But the Sound of Music isn’t that old.” I countered. “I was thinking a play or something from the late 1800’s, at the latest the 1950’s, like Guys and Dolls or something.”
“Ugh, Lizzie, stop sounding smart!” Steph said laughing. “My brain still hasn’t fired up completely since lunch!”
Steph was always joking about how much smarter I was then her, which I didn’t get. It wasn’t that I was smarter than her, just certain things I was better at. Steph was better at some things than me too, like singing, French, and designing clothes.
I shot back, “Oh, and you speak so much less? What about the 10 minute lecture that you gave me during lunch last year about properly warming up my voice?”
Steph retorted, saying, “That’s different, because singing is actually interesting.”
I slapped her arm jokingly, and walked into the choir room. At first I thought I’d gotten the wrong room, then realized that people from my choir class last year were there, including Allison from my bus, Madi from History, and Shelby from gym last year.
But it was still shockingly different, because last year we’d only had about 25 girls, hardly enough to make a choir. But right now, in this room, it was packed! The thing that stood out to me the rest, was that there were guys in our class! I looked around, and recognized several guys from my other classes, and even freshman---Girls and guys.
“Uh, what happened?” Steph asked in a low voice, eyes wide.
“I have no idea.” I replied. I tugged on Steph’s arm to get her to follow me, then walked over to the group of girls that were in last year’s girls choir.
"Madi, how come there are like 30 extra people in here?" I asked.
"I'm not sure." Madi said, looking around. "Maybe they're putting some choirs together?"
"Why? I mean, I know we didn't have a lot of girls in freshman choir last year, but we weren't this many people short!" Steph said, moving slightly forward to avoid being flattened by 2 6 foot freshman walking by.
"I guess we'll just have to wait until Mrs. _____ finishes eating." Shelby said.
Just then Mrs. _____ walked out of her office, and everybody quieted down, curious to find out why we were all jammed together in the same class.
"Hello class. I'm sure you're wondering why there are so many of you, right?"
Everyone nodded, and a few people muttered, "well yeah," and, "of course."
"Well, over the summer we got the news that we would have to cut a few classes, and we didn't wanted to do that. So instead, we decided to combined the freshman and sophomore boys and girls choirs together, since we had so little last year as our freshman choir."
"But why all 4 choirs? Why not just put the freshman girls choir and sophomores girl choir together, and do the same with the boys choirs?" An outspoken freshman asked.
“The School Board said we had to get rid of at least 3 classes, so we decided to just add 3 choirs to another one, and put them all in 1 hour!” Mrs. ______ explained.
The questions proceeded for another 10 minutes on how this was going to work, before Mrs. ______ put a stop to the endless flow of questions, saying we needed to get to work.
She told everyone to sit in a huge circle, which was incredibly cramped with everyone shoulder to shoulder, and we quickly went around introducing ourselves. Another 10 minutes went by doing that, and Mrs. ______ looked at the clock, saying, “Oh goodness, I didn’t realize how long that would take! Come on everyone, stand up!”
We all stood up, with much grumbling and muttering, and the occasional “ouch!” From someone when an elbow went into their stomach.
As soon as we were all standing, Mrs. _____ told us to take a seat on the bleachers according to gender and grade. 5 confusing minutes later, we were all squished onto the bleachers, and Mrs. _____ told us that our theme for this year was going to be old time movies.
“Ha, I told you!” I whispered in Steph’s ear, which was only about 10 inches to my left.
Steph turned her head slightly, sticking her tongue out at me.
“Ladies, please pay attention.” Mrs. ______ reprimanded us, and we faced the front again, nudging each other with our knees and holding back laughter.
We began our warm-ups, which was one of the oddest things I think I’ve ever done in choir. It wasn’t the idea of warm-ups that was weird, because I was used to it, but it was the strangest thing to be singing at soprano level and have tenors singing at the same time. Steph and I kept sneaking glances over at the guys section, trying to figure out who had the best male voice this year. I was shocked to see Jacob Johnson standing in the tenor section---Last time I’d seen him, he’d been a low alto! And from what I could tell, he was actually pretty good, something I pointed out to Steph by bumping her arm and inclining my head towards Jake.
Her lips lifted up at the side a little, and I could tell she was smiling even though she was singing. All throughout warm-ups I was thinking about Brett, and wondering if he would come to our Christmas concert. Brett wasn’t in any music classes, so was stuck in art for 2 out of 4 years in high school. I’d just began fantasizing about leaping into his arms after him telling me I’d done wonderful in the concert when Steph poked me, and I looked around, and turned beat red. Everyone else had stopped singing a few beats before I’d even realized anything. I mumbled, “sorry everyone.” And kept my head down for the rest of choir.
***

When class was finally dismissed, I practically ran out the door, dragging Steph with me.
“Oh my god, that was so EMBARRASSING!” I moaned. “I’ve never done that before, NEVER!” And it was true, I had been through 4 years of choir without that ever happening to me, and now it had.
“Why do guys have to be so distracting?” I whined to Steph as we walked down the hall.
“I’m assuming you were thinking about Brett then?” Steph said smiling.
“How’d you guess?” I asked sarcastically.
“Who else would you daydream about so hard that you’d miss the cue to stop singing?” Steph giggled.
“Shut up.” I said, a smile playing up at the corners of my mouth.
“Fine.” Steph said, fake pouting.
I rolled my eyes, saying, “see ya at 6:00!” And waved to Steph as she walked into the art room.
I continued walking alone, the back of my head still thinking about Brett, and the other part grumbling about gym. I wasn’t what most people would call “coordinated”, at least when it came to sports. I was decent at some sports such as swimming and track, but if there was a ball involved, you could count me out.
I quickly walked back to my locker, and grabbed my gym bag, wondering if Luke was already in the locker room.
“Hey Lizzie, how was choir?” A voice asked behind me. I immediately recognized it as Luke’s, and turned around, pulling a sad face.
“I messed up in front of everybody!” I said, my lower lip jutting out and putting on the puppy dog eyes.
“Really, what’d you do?” Luke asked, reaching into our locker where his gym back was hanging on one of the hooks.
“I wasn’t paying attention, so when she cued everyone to stop, I kept going!” I groaned.
“Well, that’s not that bad, cuz I’m sure you hit those notes, right?”
“I guess.” I said, shutting our locker and stopped with the puppy dog eyes.
“So then you’re fine.” Luke said. “I mean, at least everybody knows that you can sing now, right?”
“Sure, sure.” I said, smiling as Luke opened the heavy gym door for me.
I waved at Luke and headed to the girl’s locker room, almost forgetting what was sure to be in store for me in a few minutes.

Ouch, That Had to Hurt

I watched as Lizzie sent yet another ball flying into Madison Hilliard’s back. Madison let out a shriek, and Lizzie apologized again as everyone rolled their eyes. A blonde girl on our team sent it flying over the net, only to have it come straight back to Lizzie. Lizzie dejectedly put her arms back out in front of her to try to bump the ball back up to the front, and the whole teamed groaned as it hit the ground. I gave her a sympathetic smile as she motioned to her forearms, which were bright red from miss-hitting the ball so many times. Volleyball was definitely not my sport, but next to Lizzie, I felt thankful for the small amount of talent God had given me. The other team had obviously noticed our weakness and was sending ball after ball right to Lizzie, knowing someone else couldn’t cover for her without leaving an open spot on the floor. Finally, after a few more serves that went directly to Lizzie, one of the guys on the other team took pity on us and served it to the blonde girl behind me. Instead of sending it back over, she bumped it to me, and I took the chance, spiking it over the net and had the satisfaction of hearing the loud slapping sound it made as it slammed into the ground. Our team cheered and I smiled, thinking that I guess being over 6 foot had other advantages then being able to reach the top shelf of our kitchen cabinets.
I twisted slightly to watch Lizzie, assuming she would get the ball again now that we’d scored a point, and sure enough, the ball was soaring towards her again. But Lizzie, not paying attention and checking the clock, had no idea it was coming. “Lizzie, ball!” I shouted, and she whipped around just in time to get it full in the face. She shrieked in surprise and probably pain, and fell backwards onto her butt. Her hand was clamped over her nose, and when she cautiously pulled it away, I could see the blood streaming from it and into her mouth. I ran over to where she was still on the ground, tears filling her dark green eyes.
I kneeled down next to her, and she blinked, tears threatening to spill over. By this time, the rest of our team was crowded around her, and Madison asked in a genuinely concerned voice if she was okay.
“I don’t know,” Lizzie said, whimpering and clamping her hand back over her nose as tears began rolling down her face.
Mrs. ________, our gym teacher, was still in her office, completely oblivious to what had happened, so I extended my hand, pulling her to her feet.
“Mrs. ______?” I said when we were standing outside her door.
“What—Oh Lizzie, what happened this time?” Mrs. _____ said sighing.
I gently pulled her hand away from her nose and I whimpered.
“Volleyball to the face?” Mrs. _____ said sympathetically.
Lizzie nodded, sniffling then wincing in pain.
“Let me see honey.” Mrs. _______ said, motioning Lizzie over to her desk.
I shifted awkwardly by my place at the door as Lizzie slowly walked over to the desk. Mrs. ________ leaned in, examining Lizzie’s nose carefully.
“It seems like you might have a break, because that can happen sometimes if it hits it just the right way…” Mrs. _____ said, trailing off and writing a pass for Lizzie to see the school nurse.
Lizzie sniffled, and winced again. I’d edged my way into the room by this point, and grabbed a tissue out of the Kleenex box on Mrs. _____’s desk, and handed it to her.
She wiped her face free of tears, not going anywhere near to nose, which was puffy and looked like it was starting to swell.
“Here you go darling, just go straight to the nurse’s office.” Mrs. ____ said, handing Lizzie a yellow slip of paper.
She glanced at me, and Mrs. _____ nodded at me to go with Lizzie.
I gestured towards the door out to the gym, and she blanched, obviously not wanting to have to walk past everyone.
“It’s okay Lizzie,” I said, wiping away a tear she missed with my finger.
Lizzie took a deep breath through her mouth, blinked back tears, and walked back out into the gym with her head held high. I stayed right behind her, admiring her for not ducking her head and trying to hide her face. The door to the nurse’s was open, and she walked in hesitantly.
Mrs. ______, our nurse, had a separate little office off the big room where you first walked in, and Lizzie knocked on the door. Mrs. _____ opened the door, taking in Lizzie’s hand, which was back over her nose, and her red eyes.
“Now what happened here?” She asked brusquely.
“Mrs. _____ thinks Lizzie broke her nose.” I answered for her.
“Well, let’s take a look then.” Mrs. ______ said, using one hand to lead her to the _______.
Once again, I stood hesitantly by the door and Lizzie sat down on the crackling paper.
“Come in boy, I’m not going to strip her down or anything. Though I bet you wish that I would, now wouldn’t you?” Mrs. _____ said, not taking her eyes off Lizzie’s nose.
I felt my face go hot, and stuttered, “n-no, we’re just friends, just friends.”
Mrs. _____ wiggled Lizzie’s nose with her fingers, and she whimpered as fresh tears began rolling down her face again.
“Now, now, toughen up, it’s just an injury. Just call your parents to have you get picked up, and they can drive you to the hospital to confirm whether or not it’s a break.” Mrs. ______ said to Lizzie.
“And you there!” She barked. “Get an ice pack from the freezer, and get to it!”
I quickly got up, jogging over to the freezer.
“Hold this to your nose on the way to the hospital, it should help the swelling go down.” Mrs._____ said, snatching the ice pack from me and shoving it into Lizzie’s hand.
Lizzie nodded, and carefully slipped off the ______, saying a small, “thanks,” and walked back out the door.
I glanced back to make sure we were out of hearing distance, then said, trying to lighten the mood, “wow, so much for nurses being kind and understanding, that one reminds me of my old football coach!”
She half smiled, and then paled.
“Oww, no more being funny today, okay Luke?” Lizzie said, patting my arm, “It hurts to smile.”
“Sorry.” I said, keeping quiet for the next minute.
“How bad does it hurt?” I said in a low voice as we walked past some freshman classes.
“Pretty bad, but I’m fine.” She said, trying to put on a brave front.
“Well, you’ll be able to get out of gym for a while now.” I said smiling.
“Yeah,” she sighed, “but I think I would have chosen gym over this.” Lizzie said, gesturing towards her nose with the hand not holding the ice pack.
We walked into the office and Lizzie called her mom using the office phone. I could hear Lizzie’s mom asking her questions at a speed that didn’t even give Lizzie a chance to answer. When her mom had calmed down enough to stop talking, Lizzie told her that she was fine, but needed to be driven to the hospital to get her nose checked out, and that Mrs. ____, our nurse, thought it might be broken.
Lizzie put the phone back on the receiver with a quiet click and turned around to tell the secretary that her mom would be here in about 10 minutes.
“Okay sweetie, just sit down in one of those chairs and relax, I’ll email your gym teacher to let her know that your mom’s picking you up.”
I’d been quietly standing off to the side by the door, said, “that’s fine Mrs. ______, I’m going back to the gym after this to change, so I can tell her that Lizzie’s leaving.”
“Thank you dear.” Mrs. ______ said, smiling at him. “You may go back to class now, Lizzie will be fine.”
I looked at Lizzie, and she nodded, her lips turning up on the sides just a little, letting me know she’d be fine waiting alone.
“Bye Lizzie, hope you feel better later.” I said, turning to go back out the office doors.
“Thanks.” I heard her say quietly, and I walked back out in the hall, looking back to see her staring at the blank office walls.

by **DreamCatcher81** 8/22/2009, 8:58 pm

Love the new part!

by *Strongly*[Emo]tional 8/22/2009, 10:09 pm

I love the story so far!

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